{"id":1059,"date":"2016-10-12T09:38:50","date_gmt":"2016-10-12T09:38:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/healingandtransformation\/?p=1059"},"modified":"2016-10-12T09:38:50","modified_gmt":"2016-10-12T09:38:50","slug":"permission-to-be-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/healingandtransformation\/2016\/10\/permission-to-be-yourself.html","title":{"rendered":"Permission to Be Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-1063\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/370\/2016\/10\/iyanla.jpg\" alt=\"iyanla\" width=\"499\" height=\"332\" \/>We glimpse a small moment of time. An eternal flame flickers for an out-breath of the Divine \u2013 a flutter of an eyelid in history \u2013 and then we are gone. Will this now-moment be filled with abundant light, connection and love \u2013 or pain, heart-ache and suffering?<\/p>\n<p>Will we chase shadows and face the inevitable confusion of buying into the collective fear \u2013 or will we choose to take our opportunity and circumvent the forces that seek to keep us controlled and stuck in fear?<\/p>\n<p>Let&#8217;s explore what is to be found in-between breaths and in-between thoughts. In finding peace, there is no search, for in the search one moves away from the destination. Alan Watts encapsulates this concept \u2013 <em>&#8220;Buddha found out that there was no trap to get out of except himself. Trap and trapped are one, and when you understand that, there isn&#8217;t any trap left.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Many of us are trapped by our environment and the people we surround ourselves with. We don&#8217;t always get to choose everyone we share space with \u2013 sometimes, we just need to accept and work with the imperfect. Yet toxic people and environments can severely erode our well-being.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>What does it mean to be \u201ctoxic\u201d \u2013 how do we actively discern which people are \u201cgood\u201d for us or \u201cbad?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>The arena of human relationships and interactions is one fraught with complexity. On one hand, all people have a soul and nobody is inherently \u201ctoxic\u201d &#8211; yet, on the other hand, we do need to acknowledge that there are some very negative people around, and in order to protect ourselves from them, it&#8217;s healthy to be able to step away. As always, a clear set of personal boundaries is imperative to show us the path through what can seem like a labyrinth. Then with our integrity intact, we may navigate through our relationships consciously and lovingly.<\/p>\n<p>What I see in the world is many people following old dogmas, old religions, old philosophies and thinking that is not of this time \u2013 not of the present \u2013 and not allowing people to be themselves. Instead they are hijacked and imprisoned by these old beliefs. A common approach at the moment is being \u201cright\u201d and making others \u201cwrong.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The violence and anarchy being expressed in the world shows where people are at \u2013 how did we get to a point of such fear? It is not necessarily what people are doing, but why that interests me. We get caught up with style over substance at times, instead of looking deeper to the root causes of conflict. What energy and focus are we placing on human suffering \u2013 versus on helping to alleviate this suffering?<\/p>\n<p>How are we reflecting the whole \u2013 how are we perpetuating the same patterns \u2013 and placing ourselves as part of the problem, instead of the solution?<\/p>\n<p>As the Earth becomes more fragile, humans are reflecting that in their reactiveness and health. An increasingly toxic environment creates increasing stress and rising fear. At the moment, a rhetoric of enmity seems prevalent, yet there is also so much shadow being exposed by the light, and consciousness being raised.<\/p>\n<p>Leaders like Donald Trump feed into the collective fear and send a message that everyone is your enemy until they are dominated into submission \u2013 as in \u201cdog eats dog\u201d and winners take all. Lack of trust and building walls of separation to protect oneself from the \u201cother\u201d \u2013 xenophobia and exasperation predominate. Simplistic thinking of \u201cus versus them\u201d and a lack of unity consciousness prevails when we listen to the voice of fear.<\/p>\n<p>Does one wish to continue to live at war with one another and the planet \u2013 or are there spiritual solutions to the challenges we face?<\/p>\n<p>Gary Zukav writes in Soul Stories, <em>\u201cWhen one of us hurts, that is a sorrow for everyone. When one of us is happy, that is a joy to everyone. We are living in the same promised land. It belongs to each of us, and we belong to it. That is the Universe. There is no other land.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>We reflect the whole as a microcosm of the macrocosm \u2013 yet we are also able to rise above suffering and victimhood, as free-will creators. What happens outside reflects what happens on the inside \u2013 and the other way around. With this view, it is of paramount importance how we view ourselves \u2013 how we see and feel about ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>Expectations of ourselves impose judgement and limitation on whom we can be and become. The more we expect of ourselves has a tendency to be mirrored in the external world by what we expect of others \u2013 affecting all relationships from work colleagues, friendships to loved ones. Further \u2013 whom we are comparing ourselves to \u2013 limits us from being (and becoming) ourselves. As Iyanla Vanzant wrote, <em>\u201ccomparison is an act of violence against the self.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Expectations can corrode our worldview and ultimately cost us authenticity and truly living in the present moment. More so, there is a routine and pattern in all things, including relationships, and within these bounds, it is fair to expect that certain standards are met. What I feel is important to focus on, is the areas where we are expecting too much of ourselves and other people, thusly limiting our (and their) experience. This can become destructive. The need to develop self-compassion as a counter to the current of judgement and high-expectation \u2013 in the developed world \u2013 remains a vital part of what it means to be human.<\/p>\n<p>People are seeking a feeling of connection with themselves and with others, a connection to the sacred, and a feeling of being safe and grounded in their bodies at this time. This connection will not come from watching the news channels or avoiding bringing awareness and light to the shadows we so vehemently reject.<\/p>\n<p>Some questions to ponder:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-1062\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/370\/2016\/10\/1-coco.jpg\" alt=\"1 coco\" width=\"236\" height=\"354\" \/>What are we resisting that will keep persisting so long as we continue in the same paradigms?<\/p>\n<p>What are we resisting about ourselves \u2013 or others?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Sometimes, saying \u201cno\u201d is the most loving act one can do. And simply learning to love the reflection we see in the mirror. Unconditionally loving ourselves is all we need.<\/p>\n<p>Coco Chanel said: <em>\u201cbeauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.\u201d<\/em> What will you do right now to show and be whom you are \u2013 a face of loving-kindness \u2013 or what? Perhaps all you have been waiting for all this time is permission to be yourself.<\/p>\n<p>_______________________________________________________________<\/p>\n<p>Photo Credits:\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/simplereminders.com\">Simple Reminders<\/a>\u00a0&#8211;\u00a0No Copyright Infringement Intended.<br \/>\nWhat do you think &#8211; or feel? Feel free to comment down below!<br \/>\nYou are awesome as you are, and I love you!<br \/>\nAnd if you love me back, please click \u2018share\u2019 up at the top!<\/p>\n<p>David G Starlyte (ND) &#8211; Australia&#8217;s Leading Soul-Coach. PERSONAL SESSIONS NOW AVAILABLE VIA SKYPE (Email me for details: davidstarlyte@gmail.com)<\/p>\n<p>Find out more about me: <a href=\"http:\/\/davidstarlyte.com\" target=\"_blank\">http:\/\/davidstarlyte.com<\/a><br \/>\nFacebook:\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/iamstarlyte\" target=\"_blank\">davidstarlyte<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We glimpse a small moment of time. An eternal flame flickers for an out-breath of the Divine \u2013 a flutter of an eyelid in history \u2013 and then we are gone. Will this now-moment be filled with abundant light, connection and love \u2013 or pain, heart-ache and suffering? Will we chase shadows and face the&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":570,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35,220,51,253,241,12],"tags":[344,361,849,846,844,845,848,851,850,843,847],"class_list":["post-1059","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-perception","category-personal-growth","category-self-development","category-soul-coaching","category-spiritual","category-transformation","tag-alan-watts","tag-buddha","tag-coco-chanel","tag-collective-fear","tag-conscious-relationships","tag-donald-trump","tag-gary-zukav","tag-iyanla-vanzant","tag-loving-kindness","tag-toxic","tag-walls-of-separation"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Permission to Be Yourself - Healing and Transformation<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/healingandtransformation\/2016\/10\/permission-to-be-yourself.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Permission to Be Yourself - Healing and Transformation\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We glimpse a small moment of time. An eternal flame flickers for an out-breath of the Divine \u2013 a flutter of an eyelid in history \u2013 and then we are gone. Will this now-moment be filled with abundant light, connection and love \u2013 or pain, heart-ache and suffering? 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