{"id":1868,"date":"2015-11-06T20:44:32","date_gmt":"2015-11-06T20:44:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/?p=1868"},"modified":"2015-11-05T21:06:31","modified_gmt":"2015-11-05T21:06:31","slug":"the-death-of-a-friend","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/2015\/11\/the-death-of-a-friend.html","title":{"rendered":"The Death of a Friend"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Image<\/a>
Image courtesy of bigjom\/FreeDigitalPhotos.net<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I learned yesterday that a friend died in October. I knew she was very ill. She had reached out to me for moral support, and I had visited her twice in the hospital only a few days prior to her death. But although I asked a family member to keep me posted on her condition and explained that I was willing to help in whatever way I could, I never heard another word after giving that family member my contact information. Even during my visits, she was unable to communicate much, and the family closed around her and never reached out to me afterward. I learned of her death from a Web posting after I did a Google search.<\/p>\n

When a family member is critically ill or dies, the family is usually very close to the situation. But in the case of a friend, the boundaries and lines of communication can be less instintive. This doesn’t mean friends aren’t important; in fact, for many adults, friends are in some ways closer than distant or even geographically near\u00a0family. I’m not talking about romantic friends, but rather those friends we gain through work, college or grad school, church, or social activities. In the case of the friend who just passed, we had known each other for 20+ years through playing tennis, and even when we weren’t playing because of my health or her work commitments, we still kept in touch. Yet, een in the case of a long friendship, the role of a friend can be cut short if family decides otherwise.<\/p>\n

Learning of my friend’s death so soon after my last visit was a shock, especially the way I learned about it. And it feels odd to shift gears from wondering how she is and hoping the family will reach out to now, remembering a friend who has passed and knowing my help will not be needed. But the past is past, and remember I will – and not hesitate to answer other friends’ calls when and if they need my support.<\/p>\n

Especially for those of us with serious illness, death will at times punctuate our relationships.\u00a0In thinking about this entire situation, I of course understand and respect the role of family, especially in caring for someone who is terminally ill. But I also think it is important for family members of adult relatives to understand how broad someone’s network of good friends can be, and how much we as friends want to be supportive in good and bad times. And afterward..We as friends mourn, too, and a little bit of consideration can go a long way in helping the healing process to move ahead smoothly – for family and for friends.<\/p>\n

Peace,<\/p>\n

Maureen<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I learned yesterday that a friend died in October. I knew she was very ill. She had reached out to me for moral support, and I had visited her twice in the hospital only a few days prior to her death. 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She expected to be writing scripts. God had other plans. A few years after her graduation, Maureen was diagnosed with a life-threatening case of organ-involved lupus. Her life turned upside down as she grappled with the effects of the illness and other health conditions that ensued. She was no stranger to serious health challenges; even as a child, Maureen had survived numerous bouts of pneumonia, flu, and other infections. But lupus made her take a fresh look at her life goals - and took herlifelong, strong Catholic Christian faith and writing in a direction she'd never imagined. Today, Maureen writes and speaks about walking with the Lord while living with chronic pain and illness. Her most recent book is \"Don't Panic!: How to Keep Going When the Going Gets Tough (Franciscan Media). She is also the author of, \"Peace in the Storm: Meditations on Chronic Pain & Illness\" (Image Books\/Randomhouse), \"Beyond Pain: Job, Jesus, and Joy\" (Twenty-Third Publications), \"The First Year: Hypothyroidism, Second Edition\" (Perseus) and \"Taking Charge of Lupus: How to Manage the Disease and Make the Most of Your LIfe.\" She writes the syndicated column, \"Living Well,\" for Catholic News Service, and has also written for Saint Anthony Messenger Magazine, Journey for Women Magazine, The Upper Room Magazine, LupusNow, and Arthritis Today. Maureen's health continues to be a challenge, however she feels honored to be able to bring her perspective, from experience and knowledge, to others. \"Good Days...Bad Days with Maureen Pratt\" is a new way for Maureen to reach people who carry the burden of illness and pain in their lives, or who care for someone who does. 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