{"id":1703,"date":"2015-06-24T19:21:50","date_gmt":"2015-06-24T19:21:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/?p=1703"},"modified":"2015-06-21T19:34:03","modified_gmt":"2015-06-21T19:34:03","slug":"chronic-illness-and-pain-discerning-who-to-tell-what","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/2015\/06\/chronic-illness-and-pain-discerning-who-to-tell-what.html","title":{"rendered":"Chronic Illness and Pain: Discerning Who to Tell What"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Maureen<\/a>As we journey through our lives with chronic pain and illness, we undoubtedly will come across people who ask us “How are you?” Some are truly caring and want to be empathetic and\/or reach out with help. Others are being polite, but might not be expecting details (especially not the gory ones). And others might have ulterior motives – they might be feasting on gossip or eager to use our status against us (say, in the workplace, where illness might be associated with inability or weakness).<\/p>\n

I never like to lie when someone asks me how I’m doing. If it’s a bad day, I just can’t truthfully say, “Oh, I’m really doing well!” But, on the other hand, I try to work hard at discerning to whom I’m speaking and just how much information is necessary for a given conversation. And, on those very bad days, well, I’m not usually very communicative at all to the “outside” world (but my doctor and closest friends might get an earful!)<\/p>\n

Two things help me in the discernment process – Who to tell what. First, I gauge how well I know the person to whom I’m speaking. How well do they understand illness in general and my situation in particular, for example. And I also assess the context of the conversation. Where are we? Is this a long conversation in which my health situation will play a role or be relevant to the topic of discussion?<\/p>\n

Finally, I also try to figure out my reason for offering the information and how that will affect the manner in which I present it: If I’m frustrated at my joint im-mobility, my words might sound angrier than I’d like and it might cause push back during a conversation with someone who isn’t close to me, for example.<\/p>\n

The better we know ourselves and the more we nurture those few, true relationships in our lives, the more freely and capably we’ll be able to communicate and participate in more satisfying conversations that go beyond “Ouch” and move on to “Oh…”<\/p>\n

Joy and peace,<\/p>\n

Maureen<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As we journey through our lives with chronic pain and illness, we undoubtedly will come across people who ask us “How are you?” Some are truly caring and want to be empathetic and\/or reach out with help. Others are being polite, but might not be expecting details (especially not the gory ones). And others might…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":548,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,360,43,1242,4,1047,578,1420,1245,1246],"tags":[29,44,1769,308,19,1770,30,1773,1772,20,1768,1771,1767],"class_list":["post-1703","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-chronic-pain-and-illness","category-determination","category-encouragement-in-life","category-food-for-thought","category-words-of-encouragemnent-and-info-for-all","category-good","category-goodness","category-pain-2","category-positive","category-uplifting","tag-chronic-illness","tag-chronic-pain","tag-communicating-how-we-feel","tag-discernment","tag-illness","tag-our-feelings","tag-pain","tag-seeking-understanding-with-illness","tag-telling-others-how-we-feel","tag-understanding","tag-what-do-you-say","tag-who-do-you-tell-about-your-illness","tag-who-to-tell"],"yoast_head":"\nChronic Illness and Pain: Discerning Who to Tell What - Good Days...Bad Days With Maureen Pratt<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/2015\/06\/chronic-illness-and-pain-discerning-who-to-tell-what.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Chronic Illness and Pain: Discerning Who to Tell What - Good Days...Bad Days With Maureen Pratt\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As we journey through our lives with chronic pain and illness, we undoubtedly will come across people who ask us “How are you?” Some are truly caring and want to be empathetic and\/or reach out with help. 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She expected to be writing scripts. God had other plans. A few years after her graduation, Maureen was diagnosed with a life-threatening case of organ-involved lupus. Her life turned upside down as she grappled with the effects of the illness and other health conditions that ensued. She was no stranger to serious health challenges; even as a child, Maureen had survived numerous bouts of pneumonia, flu, and other infections. But lupus made her take a fresh look at her life goals - and took herlifelong, strong Catholic Christian faith and writing in a direction she'd never imagined. Today, Maureen writes and speaks about walking with the Lord while living with chronic pain and illness. Her most recent book is \"Don't Panic!: How to Keep Going When the Going Gets Tough (Franciscan Media). She is also the author of, \"Peace in the Storm: Meditations on Chronic Pain & Illness\" (Image Books\/Randomhouse), \"Beyond Pain: Job, Jesus, and Joy\" (Twenty-Third Publications), \"The First Year: Hypothyroidism, Second Edition\" (Perseus) and \"Taking Charge of Lupus: How to Manage the Disease and Make the Most of Your LIfe.\" She writes the syndicated column, \"Living Well,\" for Catholic News Service, and has also written for Saint Anthony Messenger Magazine, Journey for Women Magazine, The Upper Room Magazine, LupusNow, and Arthritis Today. Maureen's health continues to be a challenge, however she feels honored to be able to bring her perspective, from experience and knowledge, to others. \"Good Days...Bad Days with Maureen Pratt\" is a new way for Maureen to reach people who carry the burden of illness and pain in their lives, or who care for someone who does. Through the blog, she hopes to bring issues of health, wellness, and spirit into focus and, especially, inspire others that, no matter what health challenges, illness, or hardships they endure, each person can find a good way to realize the wonderful potential God has placed within each heart and soul.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.maureenpratt.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/author\/mpratt"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1703","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/548"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1703"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1703\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1704,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1703\/revisions\/1704"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1703"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1703"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/gooddaysbaddays\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1703"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}