{"id":76,"date":"2011-04-19T16:31:13","date_gmt":"2011-04-19T20:31:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/godscomic\/?p=76"},"modified":"2011-04-19T16:31:13","modified_gmt":"2011-04-19T20:31:13","slug":"the-perfect-wife","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html","title":{"rendered":"The Perfect wife"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Being married 18 years I am shocked and amazed that I have lasted this long as a human without having a wife. Being married to a woman teaches you just how much you don\u2019t know about life, living and survival in the real world. If you don\u2019t believe me, just ask her. Actually that is the first thing a woman teaches you, you can\u2019t go on any longer under the delusion that survival is possible without her insight.<br \/>\nThere are things I never knew about myself that are now crystal clear. For example before I got married I actually had the audacity to believe that I knew how to drive. I was kidding myself. I never realized that all cars come with brakes. Oh sure I utilized them periodically but I never realized how often I needed them.<br \/>\nThanks be to God now that my wife sits next to me in the car she can demonstrate by using her phantom brake whenever we are in danger to model for me when I should be using mine. I just keep one eye on the road and one her floorboard and she lets me know for example that we are approaching a red light and cars are already there! Who knew to look for that!<br \/>\n I can\u2019t begin to detail how many cars I thoughtlessly plowed into until my wife made me painfully aware that I should have started braking hundreds of feet earlier. The fact that she drives exactly like me when she is at the wheel is not hypocrisy as much as the fact that she can handle these situations whereas I can\u2019t.<br \/>\nI never realized as well that a light turning yellow that I actually could have made is going to change to red sooner than I anticipate and thank goodness she was there to inform me. I was carelessly lost in my own thoughts of driving and paying attention to the road and so her phantom braking, pointing and startled vocal expressions snap me back to reality by frightening me into defensiveness I never realized I needed until she made me aware.<br \/>\nThe fact that her outbursts almost always cause a wreck on my part is proof positive that I need to be on my toes when apparently even with cars 100 yards away it is never to early to panic.<br \/>\nRemember, to a Christian woman honoring your husband is Gods command and nothing honors him more than pointing out his self-deluded idea that he is competent. Heck I wasn\u2019t even able to dress myself before my wife came along. Who knows what shame I must have brought on myself for years by buying my own clothes based on my \u201ctaste\u201d.<br \/>\nYes in the Garden of Eden, even though God made man first, He obviously realized that unless a woman was created we would just continue to walk around nude since we would never have to worry about everything \u201cmatching\u201d.<br \/>\nYes we men should be thanking God daily for the blessing of the wives in our lives and never take them for granted because they obviously never needed us and would probably be much better off without us. Other then the fact that they would be unable to move the furniture when it came to spring-cleaning.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Being married 18 years I am shocked and amazed that I have lasted this long as a human without having a wife. Being married to a woman teaches you just how much you don\u2019t know about life, living and survival in the real world. If you don\u2019t believe me, just ask her. Actually that is&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":223,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[10],"class_list":["post-76","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-comedy","tag-wives-and-driving-frustrating-wife-men-and-women"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Perfect wife - God&#039;s Comic<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Perfect wife - God&#039;s Comic\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Being married 18 years I am shocked and amazed that I have lasted this long as a human without having a wife. Being married to a woman teaches you just how much you don\u2019t know about life, living and survival in the real world. If you don\u2019t believe me, just ask her. Actually that is&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"God&#039;s Comic\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2011-04-19T20:31:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Brad Stine\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Perfect wife - God&#039;s Comic","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Perfect wife - God&#039;s Comic","og_description":"Being married 18 years I am shocked and amazed that I have lasted this long as a human without having a wife. 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Actually that is&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html","og_site_name":"God&#039;s Comic","article_published_time":"2011-04-19T20:31:13+00:00","author":"Brad Stine","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html","name":"The Perfect wife - God&#039;s Comic","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/#website"},"datePublished":"2011-04-19T20:31:13+00:00","dateModified":"2011-04-19T20:31:13+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/#\/schema\/person\/243d86fd9261f0ca95264b80e71e80e9"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2011\/04\/the-perfect-wife.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The Perfect wife"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/","name":"God&#039;s Comic","description":"God&#039;s Comic - Brad Stine","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/#\/schema\/person\/243d86fd9261f0ca95264b80e71e80e9","name":"Brad Stine","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/870\/870f4e7ff5414a60daaefcce61009a6cx96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/870\/870f4e7ff5414a60daaefcce61009a6cx96.jpg","caption":"Brad Stine"},"description":"\"Brad Stine is on a mission \u00e2\u20ac\u201c a mission to free us all from the chains of political correctness and prevent our eventual \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcwussification.' From his Nashville stronghold, Stine is mounting his crusade against these hypocrisies, all of which are explored in his highly anticipated 4th album\/DVD, aptly titled \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcWUSSIFICATION!' \"You know what offends me?... Offended people,\" says Stine. A staunch supporter of first amendment rights and foe of political correctness, Stine asserts that rights should be universally applied. \"In a country with guaranteed rights to freedom of religion, its citizens are constantly trying to make faith in public spheres illegal, I am offended by that contradiction and want to talk about it as a comic.\" The strength of his conviction about our freedoms can be found in many places on WUSSIFICATION \u00e2\u20ac\u201c from \"Merry Christmas Too!\" (the right to celebrate religion) to \"At Least We're Not France!\" (the responsibility to take action as a country) to \"Spank\" (the ability to discipline our children the way we see fit). What would cause the wussification of Brad Stine? \"I hope that nothing ever wussifies me to deny my own personal beliefs,\" he says. \"Brainwashed wussies have been taught that standing up for yourself and defending your personal point of view makes you a close-minded hate monger.\" Stine stops short of defending his point of view as the ONLY one, adding \"...one must also be respectful of dissenting belief while supporting their own.\" He is, after all, an inclusive figure who trains his comedy to attack ideas, not the people who embrace them. Stine's faith forces him to acknowledge the respect and dignity of all\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 even the wussies with whom he disagrees! Stine models his approach to comedy after legendary practitioners that he has known and loved over the years. Despite George Carlin's disdain for theistic beliefs, he has been a big influence on Stine. \"I always enjoyed Carlin for turning the tables on culture. He is an excellent writer that has endured for decades.\" More current comedic touchstones are Brian Reagan, Paula Poundstone, Jim Gaffigan and Monty Python, among others. Fear not, true believers \u00e2\u20ac\u201c with his brand new album, Brad Stine is here to save the world from WUSSIFICATION \u00e2\u20ac\u201c one politically-correct, offended person at a time!\"","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/author\/bstine"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/223"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=76"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":77,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76\/revisions\/77"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=76"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=76"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=76"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}