{"id":224,"date":"2013-02-08T17:56:02","date_gmt":"2013-02-08T22:56:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/godscomic\/?p=224"},"modified":"2013-02-08T17:56:02","modified_gmt":"2013-02-08T22:56:02","slug":"do-i-have-to-bite-my-tongue-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2013\/02\/do-i-have-to-bite-my-tongue-2.html","title":{"rendered":"Do I have to bite my tongue?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>After many years as a \u201cChristian comedian\u201d I have often been asked if I thought God had a sense of humor? Well here are a couple examples where I would vote for the affirmative.<\/p>\n<p>In all my many years on earth I can\u2019t begin to count the times I have bitten my tongue. Everyone has experienced this annoyance and every time I do it makes me wonder if this is one of God\u2019s great practical jokes?<\/p>\n<p>Being God and all powerful, when you finally get around to creating worshipers it probably makes sense to make them somewhat entertaining. Being Omniscient he also must have anticipated our rebellion and so worked in the funny stuff as retribution for what was coming.<\/p>\n<p> Biting your tongue being one of these. Why? Because the reason we bite our tongue is because God designed it to be permanently fixed next to our teeth.<br \/>\n Uh, you think He didn\u2019t see this catastrophe potential?<\/p>\n<p> Your tongue may be the softest item on your body, whose job is to manipulate food all the while trying to avoid the hardest thing on our body, our teeth. TEETH! Their only purpose is to cut, grind, chew, crush and mutilate food, which normally comes in the same texture as your tongue.<\/p>\n<p>Just as sharks are known for mistaking surfers for seals and consequently making meat of them, why would one expect our teeth to do anything less when it comes to tongue chewing?<\/p>\n<p> Heck I have even bitten my own finger before while putting a morsel of food in my pie hole which not only hurts but couldn\u2019t possibly make you feel any more stupid.<br \/>\nAnother part of our body positioned for maximum hilarity from Gods front row seat in our comedy of errors is our shins.<\/p>\n<p> Shins are also some of the most sensitive parts of our body and thus were positioned nice and low on our legs, (technically referred to as \u201ccoffee-table height\u201d) right in the front mind you for maximum damage opportunity.<br \/>\nIf God didn\u2019t want us to get hurt he would have either A) placed then behind our legs where our calves are now so they would rarely be smashed, or B) armor plate our shins with some kind of protective shield. <\/p>\n<p>They say our body is full of iron that would have been perfect! God must have foreseen much comedy potential in the leg area since that is also what our toes inhabit. Toes are so good at smashing into things, especially in the dark that they actually necessitated the invention of shoes. <\/p>\n<p>Our thighs are ripe for a Charlie horse, which is perfect for rounding out the leg as a human whoopee cushion for Gods enjoyment.<\/p>\n<p> Of course for men, God initiated a gender specific laugh getter known as the groin, which is where He may have stepped over the line in my opinion. Yeah nothing like taking an organ from inside your body and putting it on the outside to ensure a lot of potential yuks throughout the year.<\/p>\n<p>Lastly there is the aptly named \u201cfunny bone\u201d which, when struck, is funny only for the observer as opposed to the receiver who finds nothing funny about it whatsoever. The fact that it was named that shows that God had this planned all along to find much entertainment from his creation. <\/p>\n<p>Maybe it serves us right after all when we consider what He was forced to sacrifice on our behalf, and to be fair He did invent gravity so all of us can enjoy the pleasure of watching somebody slip on the ice. Yeah getting hurt is kinda funny, as long as it happens to someone else. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After many years as a \u201cChristian comedian\u201d I have often been asked if I thought God had a sense of humor? Well here are a couple examples where I would vote for the affirmative. In all my many years on earth I can\u2019t begin to count the times I have bitten my tongue. Everyone has&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":223,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[68],"class_list":["post-224","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-comedy","tag-practical-joke-god-laughs-sense-of-humor-body-parts"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Do I have to bite my tongue? - God&#039;s Comic<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/2013\/02\/do-i-have-to-bite-my-tongue-2.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Do I have to bite my tongue? - God&#039;s Comic\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"After many years as a \u201cChristian comedian\u201d I have often been asked if I thought God had a sense of humor? 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From his Nashville stronghold, Stine is mounting his crusade against these hypocrisies, all of which are explored in his highly anticipated 4th album\/DVD, aptly titled \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcWUSSIFICATION!' \"You know what offends me?... Offended people,\" says Stine. A staunch supporter of first amendment rights and foe of political correctness, Stine asserts that rights should be universally applied. \"In a country with guaranteed rights to freedom of religion, its citizens are constantly trying to make faith in public spheres illegal, I am offended by that contradiction and want to talk about it as a comic.\" The strength of his conviction about our freedoms can be found in many places on WUSSIFICATION \u00e2\u20ac\u201c from \"Merry Christmas Too!\" (the right to celebrate religion) to \"At Least We're Not France!\" (the responsibility to take action as a country) to \"Spank\" (the ability to discipline our children the way we see fit). What would cause the wussification of Brad Stine? \"I hope that nothing ever wussifies me to deny my own personal beliefs,\" he says. \"Brainwashed wussies have been taught that standing up for yourself and defending your personal point of view makes you a close-minded hate monger.\" Stine stops short of defending his point of view as the ONLY one, adding \"...one must also be respectful of dissenting belief while supporting their own.\" He is, after all, an inclusive figure who trains his comedy to attack ideas, not the people who embrace them. Stine's faith forces him to acknowledge the respect and dignity of all\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 even the wussies with whom he disagrees! Stine models his approach to comedy after legendary practitioners that he has known and loved over the years. Despite George Carlin's disdain for theistic beliefs, he has been a big influence on Stine. \"I always enjoyed Carlin for turning the tables on culture. He is an excellent writer that has endured for decades.\" More current comedic touchstones are Brian Reagan, Paula Poundstone, Jim Gaffigan and Monty Python, among others. Fear not, true believers \u00e2\u20ac\u201c with his brand new album, Brad Stine is here to save the world from WUSSIFICATION \u00e2\u20ac\u201c one politically-correct, offended person at a time!\"","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/author\/bstine"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/223"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=224"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":225,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224\/revisions\/225"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=224"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=224"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godscomic\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=224"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}