The average divorce process requires multiple years and costs from several hundred on up to several thousand dollars. There are additional costs as well. \u00a0The new costs of\u00a0a new rental or mortgage payment for a separated spouse as well as new alimony and\/or child support payments now and later. If divorce is on the horizon, be prepared for money to suddenly be in short supply.<\/p>\n
Contrary to the rumor that each party receives half of what was shared and that is that. In many cases today, many couples are financially stretched beyond their combined means before the divorce. This is exasperated after the divorce. I talked to a friend recently who got completely wiped out by a divorce -even though his wife has been unfaithful to him!<\/p>\n
The Bible says that divorce can often be avoided if we look under the surface.\u00a0The Bible contributes the ORDEAL of conflict in marriage to the cause of Two conflicts at work in the human condition. \u00a0Each of us has a natural bent toward making ourselves \u201cmore important\u2019 than the others. \u00a0When we try to make our \u201c1\u201d more important than the other person\u2019s 1… something tragic occurs. Oneness is destroyed. When our \u201c1\u201d becomes more important than our spouse\u2019s \u201c1\u201d, we end up with \u201c0\u201d. \u00a0\u00a0If you have marital problems right now: Conflict, fights, or a lack of harmony or oneness… I can tell you why. \u00a0Without hearing your story or the facts, selfishness (looking out for numero uno) is the problem. One of you or both of you is making yourself the center of the equation.<\/p>\n
God describes two unique flavors of selfishness that reside in men and women.<\/p>\n
? Genesis 3:15 God to Eve: \u201cYour desire shall be ?for your husband, And he shall ?rule over you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n God is not suggesting these are good ideas. He is describing the reality of their problem. \u00a0\u00a0Now that mankind has chosen not to trust Him, something broken is deposited within each of them. \u00a0One is unique to the woman. The other is unique to the man. \u00a0\u00a0And at first glance, this description doesn\u2019t sound politically correct, it may appear to be chauvinistic. It may even make you defensive. \u00a0If it does, hang with me… In fact, if it offends you… that\u2019s probably an indication that it might be true. \u00a0Because the rebellion in each of us, doesn\u2019t like to be described or brought into the open. So here we go. The Bible describes “The Steering Wheel” and “The Charging Bull”<\/p>\n 1. The Steering Wheel<\/strong><\/p>\n The phrase \u201cYour desire shall be for your husband\u201d is used again in Genesis 4 when God is trying to warn Cain not to kill his brother and says, \u201cSin\u2019s desire is for you\u201d. \u00a0It\u2019s the idea of a crouching lion within you that wants to take control. This inner longing wants to grab the steering wheel. \u00a0The Bible says that inside the EVE world is a desire for Control. \u00a0 \u00a0An internal default to \u201cGrabbing the Steering Wheel\u201d in your relationships and in your marriage. \u00a0A few Bible commentators, interpret the term \u00a0as \u201cA compulsive desire bordering on disease.\u201d \u00a0The Bible says that women would be driven to emotionally control their men.<\/p>\n In her marriage book, “Liberated,”\u00a0Pamela Wilson tells her story of dealing with her own inner steering wheel. When she was an executive with Xerox, she was one of the few women sales representatives hired by the company. \u00a0They looked at her resume initially and turned her down. She made a deal. Hire me as a secretary for two weeks, if at the end of that time, you don\u2019t think I can do the job of sales associate, I\u2019ll leave. In two weeks she was the top sales rep for Xerox. \u00a0She loved being a woman in a man\u2019s world. \u00a0She was aggressive, determined, and very outspoken. \u00a0She was an atheist in those days, but fell in love with and married Frank Wilson, the music industry producer who produced, \u201cKeep on Truckin\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve Made Me So Very Happy\u201d and other Motown hits. \u00a0\u00a0They were both extremely successful. She was struck by his humility despite his success and his servant attitude toward her -which he attributed to his relationship with Jesus Christ. \u00a0\u00a0Despite her wonderful husband, she still had such a fear she might be controlled… She would become defensive, angry, and reactionary at his suggestions. \u00a0\u00a0She realized how much it was showing one day at the mall. She saw this wedding gown, was imagining organ music playing for her six year old daughter Launi who was shopping with her that day. \u00a0She looked at her daughter and said, \u201cJust think, one day you\u2019ll wear a beautiful dress like that.. \u201c \u00a0\u201cI\u2019m never getting married!\u201d \u00a0her daughter said. \u00a0She was shocked at this statement, but remembered her own early misconceptions about marriage until she met Frank. \u00a0Launi fixed her eyes on her and said again, \u201cI\u2019m never getting married. Because I\u2019m not going to have a man tell me what to do!\u201d Pamela began to see the Steering Wheel Behavior that she had modeled was now affecting her daughter… \u00a0\u00a0She decided to look into this.<\/p>\n You may not believe this, but ask yourself, if you are upset or defensive at the idea of being controlling, doesn\u2019t that at least nudge you to ask why you are defensive? \u00a0\u00a0The second ORDEAL mentioned by God relates to men.<\/p>\n 2. The Raging Bull <\/strong><\/p>\n Genesis 3:15 God to Eve: \u201cYour desire shall be ?for your husband, And he shall ?rule over you.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Men will have a compulsion to \u201crule over\u201d them, \u00a0setting up a cycle of unhealthy conflict. It is a sure recipe for power struggles between men\u2019s need to power up and women\u2019s need to control.<\/p>\n God tells Adam that he will have an internal desire to \u201crule over her\u201d \u00a0-to use his influence- in an unloving and dictatorial way. His ordeal is further mentioned by God when he says…<\/p>\n by the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground.<\/em><\/p>\n In a new world that is contaminated by selfishness, Adam shall now eat by the \u201csweat of his face.\u201d \u00a0The Hebrew word \u201cface\u201d designates the idea of \u201cflarred\u201d nostrils into which God first breathed the breath of life. It is obvious that flared nostrils have to do with anger, competition and aggression.\u00a0\u00a0The phrase: \u201cflared nostrils…\u201d \u00a0is like a bull charging through life looking to conquer. To conquer his company, to conquer the world. To take charge in a way that controls rather than serves.<\/p>\n Think of the BULL on Wall street… \u00a0The flaring nostrils of conquering the next horizon. Part of this is the unique world a man was made for. At his core, he is designed to be a warrior, a conqueror, and a protector… BUT!!!! \u00a0\u00a0That bull rebellion can become a Bull in a China shop stomping on a woman\u2019s feelings and crushing her needs. Rather than loving her selflessly, he will internally rebel by \u201cwinning her over by conquering her heart\u201d during the dating phase and then… consider her \u201cconquered\u201d and pursue new territories and new \u201cBullish\u201d endeavors after marriage. \u00a0Rather than continuing to woo her, lead her graciously, and serve her, he will have a desire to control her. \u00a0His internal RAGING BULL will allow him to conquer many things, but rarely himself, his anger, his lust, his pride.<\/p>\n There is a Steering Wheel in your home that one of you keeps grabbing. And when you feel threatened, worried, or your fears get triggered, you grab for the steering wheel. This habit will cause fundamental damage to your family, your marriage, and the man or woman you love. \u00a0You may want your husband to take initiative and lead your family, but shaking your finger, nagging, and lecturing will not work. \u00a0\u00a0It triggers a hurt, a pain, and a flaring of the nostrils in a man that is counterproductive.<\/p>\n And Men, we can be bulls in China shops. We have a rebellion of flaring nostrils deep within us. It shows up in many ways. Rather than \u201cpursuing oneness with our spouses…\u201d \u00a0We chase them, romance them when we are dating… And then \u201crun off\u201d to find something else to capture our hearts. Rather than loving them, serving them, prioritizing them, and being tender toward them… The Running of the Bulls comes out in our neglect, our insensitivity to their feelings, and our bullish \u201cruling over them\u201d that plays out in a hundred ways in marriage…. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0You can image that 1 Steering Wheel plus 1 Bull = \u00a00 Oneness<\/p>\n For a free, first session of Godonomics, visit:\u00a0 http:\/\/www.godonomics.com\/watch-session-1<\/a><\/p>\n