There is nothing like a game of Wii to reveal that the best of families quickly goes from looking like the old Leave It To Beaver to The Munsters shows. In the family room, we discover that we are all dysfunctional. We can be overly competitive, afraid of conflict, have control issues, etc. \u00a0\u00a0And \u201cIt\u2019s easier to see across the room than to look in the mirror.\u201d I can see my spouse\u2019s anger, perfectionism, inability to take criticism a lot easier than I can see my own insensitivity, critical spirit, or blind need to always be right. \u00a0From our perspective it looks something like this:<\/p>\n
We all have a mental list. A list of all the people across the room, don\u2019t we?\u00a0 I do. I can tell you right now exactly what my wife, my kids, my brother, and my parents all need to do to \u201cbe better.\u201d In fact, I live in the delusion that if \u201cthey\u201d would fix their \u201cissues,\u201d all with me would be fine. \u00a0\u00a0But here is the truth. We are all dysfunctional. Every family has as many dysfunctions as there are people in it. \u00a0And until we look in the mirror, we won\u2019t be able to build stronger relationships with those across the room. \u00a0Here is how Jesus says it\u2026<\/p>\n
Matthew 7: 3 And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but not consider the beam that is in your own eye? 4 Or how will you say to your brother, Let me pull out the speck out of your eye; and, behold, a beam is in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of your own eye; and then you will see clearly to cast out the speck out of your brother’s eye.<\/em><\/p>\n Jesus shows us that we all have specks in our eyes. We all have some kind of dysfunction we bring into our relationships with our \u201cbrothers,\u201d spouses, families, and parenting. He then puts his finger on the Real problem. \u00a0It\u2019s easier to spot the \u201clittle sliver\u201d across the room, than to spot the giant beams and logs in our reflection in the mirror.<\/p>\n If you and I want stronger families, we\u2019re going to have to wrestle with this reality. \u00a0Today, let\u2019s take a look at a story in the Bible which will help us learn 1) WHAT WE SEE ACROSS THE ROOM \u00a02) WHAT WE NEED TO SEE ACROSS THE ROOM and 3) HOW TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR.<\/p>\n I. WHAT WE SEE ACROSS THE ROOM<\/strong><\/p>\n There is a family in the Bible with plenty to see across the room. A woman named Naomi is conversing with her daughter in laws and is hurting, but at the same time pushing them away. While they\u2019ve been friends and family for a long time, Naomi keeps pushing away the people who are tryint to help her. She says, RETURN, GO AWAY, TURN BACK\u2026 and yet they sense she is hurting and needs them to be near\u2026<\/p>\n 1. Withdrawal<\/p>\n 8 And Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, \u201cGo, return each to her mother\u2019s house. The LORD deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. So she kissed them, and they lifted up their voices and wept. 10 And they said to her, \u201cSurely we will return with you to your people.\u201d 11 But Naomi said, \u201cTurn back, my daughters;<\/em><\/p>\n Naomi is hurt and wants to withdraw. Push away her two daughter in laws. She is depressed, discouraged, and worn out from life\u2019s punishment. So she pushes others away. Now, if we started the story here we might say, \u201cWhy is she always pushing people away?\u201d \u00a0\u201cWhy is it so hard to get close to her?\u201d or \u201cShe doesn\u2019t seem very welcoming.\u201d<\/p>\n 2. \u00a0Martyrdom<\/p>\n 11 But Naomi said, \u201cTurn back, my daughters; why will you go with me? Are there still sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands? 12 Turn back, my daughters, go\u2014for I am too old to have a husband. If I should say I have hope, if I should have a husband tonight and should also bear sons, 13 would you wait for them till they were grown? Would you restrain yourselves from having husbands? No, my daughters; for it grieves me very much for your sakes that the hand of the LORD has gone out against me!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Naomi is being the typical martyr. She takes things very personally. As her daughters resist her attempts to withdraw and try to go with her, she becomes irrational. She says things like, \u201cI know why you are staying\u2026 You are hoping I\u2019ll have more sons you can marry!\u201d \u00a0What? His daughters are in their 20-30\u2019s and they are hoping she\u2019s gonna to have sons that grow up to marry? Of course not, this oversensitivity, personalization, and then martyrdom as she responds, \u201cThe Lord has gone our against me\u201d makes it a challenge to even help her in her pain. No matter what you do, she questions your motives. She is angry at God, Angry at others, and feels like \u00a0God is out to get her. the Bible is full of stories about imperfect people. \u00a0That\u2019s part of what makes it unique from the books of other religions. \u00a0As a result, it is a great book on the struggles of real life.<\/p>\n 3. Bitterness<\/p>\n 19 Now the two of them went until they came to Bethlehem. And it happened, when they had come to Bethlehem, that all the city was excited because of them; and the women said, \u201cIs this Naomi?\u201d 20 But she said to them, \u201cDo not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. 21 I went out full, and the LORD has brought me home again empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the LORD has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Naomi comes back to her home town and introducers herself by a new name. No longer will she be called Naomi meaning pleasant, no no, her new name is Mara (meaning bitter). From the bitter herbs used in the Jewish Passover meal. She is bitter. \u00a0And she wants people to remember to call her bitter. Remember how bad and mean God has been to her. \u00a0Remember that she was once full, but now empty.\u00a0 Let me pause for a moment and ask, how many of you have a family member who could also be named \u201cBitter?\u201d (don\u2019t raise your hands ) \u00a0This might be the teenager that whatever you do is never enough. The mother who always finds a way to look on the dark side and find the glass half empty.<\/p>\n 2.\u00a0 WHAT WE NEED TO SEE ACROSS THE ROOM<\/strong><\/p>\n If we back up about 5 verses, we learn What we need to see.<\/p>\n 1 Now it came to pass, in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land. And a certain man of Bethlehem, Judah, went to dwell in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons. 2 The name of the man was Elimelech, the name of his wife was Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion\u2014Ephrathites of Bethlehem, Judah. And they went to the country of Moab and remained there. 3 Then Elimelech, Naomi\u2019s husband, died; and she was left, and her two sons. 4 Now they took wives of the women of Moab: the name of the one was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth. And they dwelt there about ten years. 5Then both Mahlon and Chilion also died; so the woman survived her two sons and her husband.<\/em><\/p>\n This woman named Naomi\u2019s name means pleasant. And she had a very pleasant demeanor. But the last few years have been tough. She is living during a time when a foreign nation had conquered the land, a great famine had kept her husband from finding a job, The family had to sojourn or move because of the challenging economic conditions. They had to leave their family and friends. \u00a0And after having left their family and community network, Naomi\u2019s husband passed away. And in a short sad sentence, the writer tells us \u201cshe was left.\u201d Alone. With Two sons. With responsibility.<\/p>\n Do you see the symptoms and reasons behind Naomi\u2019s dysfunctionality? Now back to our original premise: Before we look across the room, we need to look in the mirror. As long as you and I think that we don\u2019t have any dysfunction, we will \u2013in our hearts- think we are superior (better than) the \u201cNaomi\u2019s\u201d in our family. And that pride will destroy our family\u2019s ability to move toward healthy relationships. As long as you are looking down on someone, you will never be able to move forward. But, when we admit our dysfunctionality. By looking in the mirror. We are able to see other\u2019s dysfunctionality, not as a scarlet \u201cA\u201d but with compassion as we adapt to help each other.\u00a0\u00a0 I am dysfunctional enough to quickly criticize, rather than have compassion. \u00a0\u00a0We are quick to critique, rather than search for the reasons someone acts the way they act, and replace critique with compassion. \u00a0We are quick to point out others flaws rather than have empathy.<\/p>\n So here comes the real secret… \u00a0Here is the WHY we need to look in the mirror. Here is the WHY, we can stop looking across the room and instead look in the mirror.<\/p>\n 3.\u00a0 HOW TO LOOK IN THE MIRROR<\/strong><\/p>\n 14 Then they lifted up their voices and wept again; and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her. 15 And she said, \u201cLook, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.\u201d 16 But Ruth said: \u201c Entreat me not to leave you, \u00a0Or to turn back from following after you; \u00a0For wherever you go, I will go; \u00a0And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; \u00a0Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God.17 Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, \u00a0If anything but death parts you and me.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Notice the way Ruth, Naomi\u2019s daughter in law, refuses to leave her. She refuses to let her go. She sticks close to this bitter, angry, and withdrawn woman. She says, \u201cI am going with you. I will go where you go. Live where you live, and die where you die. \u00a0Why would she do this? Why would Ruth stick with her? \u00a0She tells us in verse 16\u2026 \u201cI want your God to be my God.\u201d<\/p>\n Why would Ruth want Naomi\u2019s God to be her God? Remember that Ruth grew up in a different time and culture as Naomi. The God of the Bible was foreign to her. And she too has experienced the pain of losing her father-in-law, husband, and brother in law. Right? \u00a0So Ruth draws upon her own experience and sees her own pain as a way to show compassion to her mother-in-law. But here is the real secret.<\/p>\n ADORATION: The reason Ruth is able to draw near to a woman with such dysfunctional behavior is because she discovered a God that draws near dysfunctional people. The God of the Bible pursues you and I when we are at our worst. \u00a0In fact, when we realize how arrogant, selfish, and unkind we are to others, we are able to experience his mercy. God not giving us what we deserve. We are able to experience His grace. God giving us what we don\u2019t deserve. \u00a0As long as you think you are \u201cworthy of God\u2019 \u00a0and easy to love\u2026 you will never fully see how his love can melt over you. God offers you unconditional love\u2026 when you least deserve it. He offers unconditional respect to you, when you are the least respectable. \u00a0He offers to make you clean and forgiven when you are the dirtiest and most unforgivable. \u00a0God created us to be part of his family, but we withdrew, just like Naomi. We made excuses for the logs in our eyes, trying to rationalize them and claim to be martyrs. \u00a0We became bitter at God for not giving us the pain-free comfortable lives we think we deserve\u2026. \u00a0We are Naomi. \u00a0Jesus is Ruth. He pursues us. The Bible says that God demonstrates His love for us, while we were yet sinners. While we were bitter. While we were angry. He demonstrates his love for us. \u00a0\u00a0He offers his grace to us. His patience to us. \u00a0\u00a0And as you see God as Ruth, and You as Naomi\u2026 you are now able to be Ruth for the Naomi in your family. This is the power of Grace. Amazing Grace.<\/p>\n