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DANGER: TEACHING CONSEQUENCES AND REWARDS<\/p>\n
Parenting is hard. It is difficult. Trying to wrestle with the challenge of balancing grace and truth with your individual children\u2019s personalities and temperaments is a real challenge. \u00a0All the while, children are brilliant at turning everything around and blaming, shaming, and criticizing their parents no matter what they do.<\/p>\n
I had a close friend who\u2019s daughter went through a horribly rebellious period when she was 17. \u00a0The way she spoke to her mom was so hurtful and disrespectful. She was modeling a terrible lifestyle with rebellion, insubordination, and got into drug use. \u00a0This father told me of a day he followed her to a parking lot and saw her getting into a car to get drugs from this boy. \u00a0\u00a0He was so torn as both a follower of Christ and a father of his daughter… He told me that he has never wanted to grab a baseball bat and beat up a kid who was destroying his daughter\u2019s life. \u00a0\u00a0He did get out of the car -without the bat- \ud83d\ude42 \u00a0and called her on what she was doing. She yelled at him for spying on her, accused him of anything and everything. \u00a0\u00a0And over the next year, this broken hearted father had to continually remove benefits of living under his roof, increased punishment and consequences, and yet, she didn\u2019t change. \u00a0\u00a0Sadly, he had to kick her out of the house -knowing that she would turn to more of the same… Knowing that his heart was broken… \u00a0\u00a0He second guessed himself 100 times, but knew that she needed to face more and more the natural consequences of her decisions… He loved her enough to let her feel the pain… \u00a0\u00a0He loved his wife and other children enough to protect them from her destructive patterns… But his heart was broken.<\/p>\n
“I reared a Criminal\u201d was the title of an article that appeared in The Ladies\u2019 Home Journal. It was the true story of a heart-broken mother who said: \u201cWe loved him, but:<\/p>\n
\u201cHis father was too busy to be with him when he was young.”<\/p>\n
\u201cI couldn\u2019t bring myself to punish him for misbehavior.”<\/p>\n
\u201cWe sided against teachers when they complained about his work and conduct in school.”<\/p>\n
\u201cAs he grew up, he would hardly discuss the time of day with us.”<\/p>\n
\u201cHe was expelled from school.”<\/p>\n
\u201cWe gave him money so he wouldn\u2019t steal again.”<\/p>\n
\u201cI wept when the police called and I had to turn my boy over to them. As I watched them search him, my life seemed to end.\u201d<\/p>\n
This mother is heartsick because she gave her son everything: Opportunity. Love. Optimism. Material stuff. Money. \u00a0But she realized in this moment that she had \u201creared a criminal.\u201d \u00a0Why? She never taught her kids the most important lesson in life.<\/p>\n
REBELLION SHOULD CAUSE PAIN, RIGHTEOUSNESS WILL CAUSE GAIN<\/p>\n
God parents us with warnings, consequences, and rewards as well. \u00a0\u00a0God\u2019s heart has also been broken. God also -both wants us to experience abundant life- but is willing to let us \u201cface the music\u201d of not trusting Him or his way. \u00a0God teaches us that rebellion will cause pain in our lives. And righteousness, will (eventually, but not always in the moment) cause gain. \u00a0So God\u2019s parenting with us is to \u201cconnect the dots\u201d between our decisions and its consequences. \u00a0\u00a0To show us that pain comes with rebellion. \u00a0And when we feel like giving up on good, God connects the dots to the longer term benefits of righteous living.<\/p>\n
How do we Connect the Dots? \u00a0\u00a0I would like to look at 1) How God Connects the Dots When He Parents Us; and 2) How We Connect the Dots When We Parent Our Children.<\/p>\n
I. HOW GOD CONNECTS THE DOTS IN HIS PARENTING<\/p>\n
In Hebrews, a book in the New Testament, we get a bird\u2019s eye view on God\u2019s parenting style. \u00a0And how he connects the dots with us. \u00a0\u00a0I want to show you ways God connects the dots for us.<\/p>\n
A. God Connects the Dots Between Trust and Reward<\/p>\n
Hebrews 11:6 without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.<\/p>\n
The main goal of God\u2019s parenting is \u201ctrust\u201d or \u201cfaith.\u201d \u00a0He wants us to trust him. \u00a0To connect the dots between trusting him and wanted to please him. If we trust Him and his way, we will obey him. It begins and ends with trust. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0And part of trust is God wants us to know that \u201cHe is a rewarder\u201d of those who diligently seek him. \u00a0He says, \u201cRighteousness will cause gain.\u201d \u00a0I will reward you for doing the right thing. This is key to his parenting. Trust and Reward.<\/p>\n
B. God Connects the Dots Between Love and Discipline<\/p>\n
3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. 5 And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;<\/p>\n
When our parents disciplined us, we heard phrases like, \u201cThis is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you.\u201d \u00a0And if your parents spanked you, you thought, \u201cLet\u2019s switch roles and see who hurts the most.\u201d Then you become a parent and realize that it\u2019s true. You don\u2019t want to see your children hurting, suffering, in pain, or without blessings. In fact, if you ground your kids from the car, who is \u201churt the most\u201d \u00a0usually the parents are inconvenienced with more trips and car pooling, etc. \u00a0God says that before you think about, or get discouraged by His discipline, remember, \u201cHE who endured hostility\u201d \u00a0\u00a0In other words, when bad stuff comes into your life, and your temptation is \u201cWhy God?\u201d \u00a0\u201cGod hates me\u201d \u00a0God must not love me… \u00a0You must look at the cross and see that the ONE thing that can\u2019t be motivating God is hatred. He loved you enough to die a painful death for you. \u00a0\u00a0So remember he loves you… and therefore his discipline is always motivated by love. A Loving Parent Disciplines. Period.<\/p>\n
C. God Connects the Dots Between Rebellion and Pain<\/p>\n
6 For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives. 7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.<\/p>\n
Notice\u00a0 \u201cJoyful in the present.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0No one likes consequences. No one likes feeling the pain of rebellion. No one enjoys in the moment when their parents let them realize that \u201crebellion causes pain…\u201d \u00a0But \u201cafterward\u201d you discover that \u201cRighteousness will cause gain.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0When you are \u201ctrained by it.\u201d \u00a0There is parenting right there. God is \u201ctraining\u201d you as his child. Training you to trust Him. Training you to trust his Way. Training you to see that rebellion causes pain. Training you to see that Righteousness will cause gain. \u00a0\u00a0And the writer of Hebrews says, \u201cIf that is how God parents you…Then that\u2019s how we should parent our kids…\u201d<\/p>\n