{"id":1320,"date":"2011-08-25T12:00:40","date_gmt":"2011-08-25T16:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/godonomics\/?p=1320"},"modified":"2011-08-25T11:23:27","modified_gmt":"2011-08-25T15:23:27","slug":"gps-gods-parenting-system-how-do-you-train-a-childs-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/2011\/08\/gps-gods-parenting-system-how-do-you-train-a-childs-heart.html","title":{"rendered":"GPS (God’s Parenting System) How Do You Train a Child’s Heart?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I love my son Javan. \u00a0He is about to be 12.\u00a0 He is one of the most tender-hearted, creative thinker, and hilarious people I know. \u00a0\u00a0This year we decided to move to a new house and with that, we were moving to a new school. \u00a0He was distraught. He didn\u2019t want to move. didn\u2019t want to change schools, change friends, etc. \u00a0\u00a0As we were talked during the months of this process each morning on the drive to school, there were tears, arguments, and sadness. I was tempted to bring the hammer down and say, \u201cI\u2019m the father, and you will do this and like it.\u201d \u00a0\u00a0I was also tempted to rethink my decision since this was taking such a toll on him. \u00a0\u00a0However, I really tried to aim at his heart. \u00a0\u00a0Many times, I tried to remind him of my love for him. Remind him that I could see things in the future that he couldn\u2019t. That there were factors in life that he couldn\u2019t see or even fully understand that I knew about. \u00a0\u00a0I pleaded with him to \u201ctrust me.\u201d \u00a0I reminded him of other times that he thought he knew better than me and trusted me only later to find out that I actually knew what I was talking about. \u00a0\u00a0At Javan\u2019s 6th grade graduation, he handed me a letter. Javan is a man of many words when he tells stories, but few words when he expresses his heart. His letter said, \u201cDad, I love you. Thanks for being there for me last year when I got into big trouble. You were with me when I needed you. I won\u2019t write anymore or I\u2019ll cry. I trust you. Signed: Javan.\u201d As a dad, I was deeply touched because I had something precious… His heart. His trust.<\/div>\n
Why is Destination Impartation so important?\u00a0 Why does God implement heart training? Why train the heart to be wise, generous, trusting, and a steward?<\/strong>God wants to train your heart. He wants us to trust him, love him, and therefore trust that his way of living is the best, whatever that is. \u00a0Heart training leads to moral training. But moral training doesn\u2019t always lead to heart training. \u00a0Why is heart training the destination?Matthew 12:34-35 … Jesus said that all behavior and words have their origin in the heart.Proverbs 4:23 … Warns us that in the heart of a young life impressions are molded and issues of life flow from it.Proverbs 22:15 … Tells us that foolishness is bound up in the HEART of a child.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t begin parenting or understand God\u2019s parenting of you, until you realize the destination. God\u2019s destination is Heart Training. He is willing to create conflict, difficulty, and celebration in our lives to train us to deal with success, disappointment, or life itself.<\/p>\n

\u00a0How do we get there? How do we as parents get to Destination Impartation (where we’ve implanted a love for God and virtue into our children’s hearts)?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Have you ever been using your GPS and suddenly you lost the signal? \u00a0Or worse, I once followed a GPS and ended up 20 miles from my destination because the GPS didn\u2019t have the updated maps. The wrong maps in the GPS led me to the wrong destination. \u00a0I got out of the car and turned to the house that was supposed to be my destination and said, \u201cHow did I get here?\u201d<\/p>\n

If we are parents who want to understand where God is taking us as individuals, and we want to help steer our children to this important DESTINATION IMPARTATION, we must have two things: MAPS AND SIGNAL STRENGTH.<\/p>\n

MORAL MAPS:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

What is the moral map we have downloaded and are using to train ourselves and our children? \u00a0Often we pick up our moral maps by rebelling against the parenting style of our parents. We react to them. \u00a0\u00a0We said things like, \u201cI\u2019ll never do that when I get older…”\u00a0 or \u201cWhen I have kids of my own…”\u00a0 It\u2019s possible that either your parents are driving your parenting or the inner teenage rebel within you is driving out of rebellion to your parents. If you grew up with a good experience from parenting, you will probably repeat the framework your parents used. \u00a0But if your childhood was stressful, you may swing the other way.\u00a0 If your parents were unfair, restrictive, or abusive, you may veer your parenting car toward permissive parenting allowing your children to learn a self-centered, child-centered approach. \u00a0In contrast, parents who had a permissive parenting upbringing, often feel insecure, having never known where the guardrails were for behavior. They veer the parenting car into the ditch of overly strict, authoritative, and over-protective. \u00a0In both cases, \u201crebellion\u201d is driving your own parenting decisions. Rebelling against what you didn\u2019t like, instead of working off of a true GPS to guide and shape your children\u2019s hearts.<\/p>\n

1. \u00a0Same Map For Everyone<\/strong><\/p>\n

When the standards of right and wrong are consistent, fair, explained and understood, everyone knows the consequences in advance.\u00a0 Everyone knows where the roads are, what is acceptable, and what is not. \u00a0\u00a0When you have the same map for everyone, you are able to train every heart in your family to the same standard. \u00a0\u00a0Don\u2019t say, \u201cMy child is different\u201d or \u201cThis child has a peculiar personality\u201d or \u201cThis kid has ADHD and is therefore not applicable to the standard.\u201d We need to train children to the standard, not lower the standard to the child. \u00a0God tells parents that His map, His commandments are to be in \u201ctheir hearts\u201d first (pause)…then teach them to the hearts of their kids (state this slowly).<\/p>\n

6 \u201cAnd these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.”<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

God is showing us that his law. his map. His commandments are for everyone. Parents and kids. \u00a0They are too be taught and applied to everyone as true. \u00a0They are to be taught diligently and consistently in the trenches of normal life. \u00a0\u00a0Bring everyone to the same map.Henry Cloud in his book BOUNDARIES FOR CHILDREN tells the story of Jeremy and his parents. Henry says that \u201cUniversal House Rules of Conduct\u201d are a good example of why we need the \u201csame map for everyone.\u201d \u00a0Privileges and responsibility make be different (such as bed times and TV watching, which apply to kids and parents differently), but moral maps are for everyone. \u00a0Jerry\u2019s home had a rule, \u201cNo one interrupts another person who is talking.\u201d \u00a0Jerry was sharing a story and mom cut him off.\u00a0 When Jerry says, \u201cmom you interupted me.\u201d Mom could\u2019ve responded nondefensively and said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry Jerry you are right. I apologize.\u201d Then, Jerry would learn that respect, ownership, apologizing, and responding to house rules are things for grown ups to. Instead, mom responded with \u201cJeremy, you don\u2019t understand, what I needed to say was very important and had to be said.\u201d Jeremy became defensive and learned to rationalize his behavior when confronted on his infractions.My son Javan has ADHD. \u00a0My son Quinn has partial blindness. My daughter Sierra is 14 and is very artsy. All have incredibly unique characteristics, and each makes parenting very unique. Each personality modifies my approach. But the same map applies to all. We all need to love one another, respect one another, be kind to one another, encourage one another, not hit one another, etc. \u00a0This is key,\u00a0 although it can be exhausting as a parent of a child with ADHD to constantly be the reminder due to the developmental delay of the frontal cortex.\u00a0 Kids with ADHD are usually 3 years behind in their development of the frontal cortext, the part of the brain that take short term information, \u201cDon\u2019t forget to brush your teeth\u201d and turns it into long term, \u201cI need to always brush my teeth…\u201d \u00a0So, my wife and I give many, many more reminders to my son than my daughter, but the same standard applies. \u00a0 It\u2019s the same map for everyone. When I am unkind, my wife is unloving. We too need to ask our kids for forgiveness. We too need to apologize. We too need to respect other\u2019s feelings. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0It\u2019s the same map for everyone. \u00a0\u00a0Too often I am using the map of my emotions to parent, rather than fixed moral standards. When I do that, it creates insecurity in our children. \u00a0When I call my kids to my emotions, \u201cYou made me mad,\u201d or \u201cI can\u2019t believe you did that..\u201d or\u00a0 \u201cCan\u2019t you see how much that hurts \u00a0me?\u201d\u00a0 etc., kids know when our parenting is tied to our emotions. They will fear insecurity when the \u201cbar\u201d of what\u2019s right and wrong is inconsistent or worse is as floppy as human emotion. \u00a0\u00a0if we say, \u201cyou made me mad\u201d we are training our kids to think \u201cmaking mom and dad happy is the goal.\u201d \u00a0Instead, we should all be pointing to a consistent, moral standard in our parenting. For BOTH our kids and ourselves. \u00a0God is the standard and outlines the expression of that in His word.For a free first session of Godonomics, check out http:\/\/www.godonomics.com\/watch-session-1<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I love my son Javan. \u00a0He is about to be 12.\u00a0 He is one of the most tender-hearted, creative thinker, and hilarious people I know. \u00a0\u00a0This year we decided to move to a new house and with that, we were moving to a new school. \u00a0He was distraught. He didn\u2019t want to move. didn\u2019t want…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":353,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[162,72,82],"tags":[359,363],"class_list":["post-1320","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-emotional-needs","category-gospel","category-parenting","tag-parenting-and-bible","tag-training-a-childs-heart"],"yoast_head":"\nGPS (God's Parenting System) How Do You Train a Child's Heart? - Godonomics<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/2011\/08\/gps-gods-parenting-system-how-do-you-train-a-childs-heart.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"GPS (God's Parenting System) How Do You Train a Child's Heart? - Godonomics\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I love my son Javan. \u00a0He is about to be 12.\u00a0 He is one of the most tender-hearted, creative thinker, and hilarious people I know. \u00a0\u00a0This year we decided to move to a new house and with that, we were moving to a new school. \u00a0He was distraught. 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He graduated from Moody Bible College in Chicago, majoring in pastoral ministry and communication. His love for ministry and creativity can be seen in many forms: leading teams, expository teaching, acting, and video production. He has served as pastor at two high-impact churches in Georgia: Cumberland Community Church and New Community Church. Chad received an M.A. in Ministry from Moody Graduate School in 2008. He loves volleyball, movies, and hanging out with his wife Beth and their three children.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.godonomics.com\/"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/author\/chadhovind"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1320","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/353"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1320"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1320\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1337,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1320\/revisions\/1337"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1320"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1320"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/godonomics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1320"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}