{"id":83,"date":"2010-10-08T11:44:58","date_gmt":"2010-10-08T11:44:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html"},"modified":"2010-10-08T11:44:58","modified_gmt":"2010-10-08T11:44:58","slug":"davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html","title":{"rendered":"David’s Not-Quite-Naked Ark Pole-Dancing: This Week in the Twible, 1 Chronicles 15 to 21"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"tissot-david-dancing321x223.jpg\"<\/form>\n

The Chronicler’s Cleanflix version of the Davidic narrative continues this week with a wonderfully PG version of David and the ark. Gone is the full frontal nudity that marked David’s joy in 2 Samuel 6, though other parts of the story remain the same; his wife Michal, who got so ticked in the 2 Samuel version at David’s levity and inappropriate nakedness, still gets mad in the Chronicler’s tale, but there is no context as to why (1 Chronicles 15:29).<\/p>\n

The Chronicler actually goes out of his way to show that David is clothed, thank you very much:<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n

David was clothed with a robe of fine linen, as also were all the Levites who were carrying the ark, and the singers . . . and David wore a linen ephod.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So did we mention that David was dressed? And that he was wearing clothes? Really nice, religious ones? <\/p>\n

Veggie Tales<\/a> version to follow soon.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Sat 10\/2
\n#Twible 1 Chron 15: Levites only in the ark processional, please. All other arklifters will be roasted. Thank you for your cooperation. <\/p>\n

Sun 10\/3
\n#Twible 1 Chron 16: Ark’s in Jerusalem, baby! But PG version of story omits Dave’s full frontal nudity. No ark pole-dancing here, no sir. <\/p>\n

Mon 10\/4
\n#Twible 1 Chron 17: G wants a dream house in Jerusalem; wish list includes cedar shingles & a chapel. But fires Dave as general contractor.<\/p>\n

Tues 10\/5
\n#Twible 1 Chron 18: Dave may not be G’s 1st choice as a homebuilder, but he cleans up on the battlefield. Sionara, Moabites & Edomites! <\/p>\n

Wed 10\/6
\n#Twible 1 Chron 19: Dave sends mourners to an Ammonite royal funeral, but they attack Isr instead. Sheesh. Some people are just so testy.<\/p>\n

Thurs 10\/7
\n#Twible 1 Chron 20: Where Bathsheba tale SHOULD go. (SOS, huge lacuna!) Chron wants to show best of Dav, not the warts. But warts are fun.<\/p>\n

Fri 10\/8
\n#Twible 1 Chron 21: Are u ready for Dave’s greatest sin? Wait for it . . . the CENSUS. Yes, unauthorized censuses can result in plague. Oh.<\/p>\n

\n
Tune in to Flunking Sainthood<\/a> every Friday for weekly Twible<\/a> commentary.
<\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Chronicler’s Cleanflix version of the Davidic narrative continues this week with a wonderfully PG version of David and the ark. Gone is the full frontal nudity that marked David’s joy in 2 Samuel 6, though other parts of the story remain the same; his wife Michal, who got so ticked in the 2 Samuel…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":226,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-83","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bible","category-twible"],"yoast_head":"\nDavid's Not-Quite-Naked Ark Pole-Dancing: This Week in the Twible, 1 Chronicles 15 to 21 - Flunking Sainthood<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"David's Not-Quite-Naked Ark Pole-Dancing: This Week in the Twible, 1 Chronicles 15 to 21 - Flunking Sainthood\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The Chronicler’s Cleanflix version of the Davidic narrative continues this week with a wonderfully PG version of David and the ark. Gone is the full frontal nudity that marked David’s joy in 2 Samuel 6, though other parts of the story remain the same; his wife Michal, who got so ticked in the 2 Samuel…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Flunking Sainthood\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-10-08T11:44:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flunkingsainthood\/files\/import\/tissot-david-dancing321x223.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Jana Riess\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"David's Not-Quite-Naked Ark Pole-Dancing: This Week in the Twible, 1 Chronicles 15 to 21 - Flunking Sainthood","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"David's Not-Quite-Naked Ark Pole-Dancing: This Week in the Twible, 1 Chronicles 15 to 21 - Flunking Sainthood","og_description":"The Chronicler’s Cleanflix version of the Davidic narrative continues this week with a wonderfully PG version of David and the ark. Gone is the full frontal nudity that marked David’s joy in 2 Samuel 6, though other parts of the story remain the same; his wife Michal, who got so ticked in the 2 Samuel…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html","og_site_name":"Flunking Sainthood","article_published_time":"2010-10-08T11:44:58+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flunkingsainthood\/files\/import\/tissot-david-dancing321x223.jpg"}],"author":"Jana Riess","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html","name":"David's Not-Quite-Naked Ark Pole-Dancing: This Week in the Twible, 1 Chronicles 15 to 21 - Flunking Sainthood","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flunkingsainthood\/files\/import\/tissot-david-dancing321x223.jpg","datePublished":"2010-10-08T11:44:58+00:00","dateModified":"2010-10-08T11:44:58+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/#\/schema\/person\/fe5046ba89e9602d4de4c0e9b4ef53f8"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flunkingsainthood\/files\/import\/tissot-david-dancing321x223.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flunkingsainthood\/files\/import\/tissot-david-dancing321x223.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2010\/10\/davids-not-quite-naked-ark-pole-dancing-this-week-in-the-twible-1-chronicles-15-to-21.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"David’s Not-Quite-Naked Ark Pole-Dancing: This Week in the Twible, 1 Chronicles 15 to 21"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/","name":"Flunking Sainthood","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Jana Riess","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/#\/schema\/person\/fe5046ba89e9602d4de4c0e9b4ef53f8","name":"Jana Riess","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/954\/9541c99a399647166f0db1fe22b238ecx96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/954\/9541c99a399647166f0db1fe22b238ecx96.jpg","caption":"Jana Riess"},"description":"Jana Riess is the author of Flunking Sainthood, a 2011 book about failing at twelve different spiritual practices. She is also currently working on The Twible, a three-year Twitter project with humorous daily Bible updates for your amusement (find her on Twitter as @janariess). She has a few silly degrees from swanky schools but was never once able to climb the rope in gym class. Her spiritual director is Buffy the Vampire Slayer.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/author\/jriess"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/226"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=83"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/83\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=83"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=83"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=83"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}