{"id":246,"date":"2011-04-01T02:22:41","date_gmt":"2011-04-01T06:22:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flunkingsainthood\/?p=246"},"modified":"2011-03-31T16:47:14","modified_gmt":"2011-03-31T20:47:14","slug":"satan-sues-rob-bell-for-defamation-seeks-18b-in-damages-over-%e2%80%9clove-wins%e2%80%9d","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2011\/04\/satan-sues-rob-bell-for-defamation-seeks-18b-in-damages-over-%e2%80%9clove-wins%e2%80%9d.html","title":{"rendered":"Satan Sues Rob Bell for Defamation; Seeks $18B in Damages Over \u201cLove Wins\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
April 1, 2011<\/h6>\n

\"\"<\/a>Satan announced today that Hell has filed for civil damages against HarperOne<\/a> author Rob Bell<\/a>, whose new book Love Wins<\/em><\/a> hit shelves in March and has raised, well, hell. In the book, Bell asserts a universalist theology, claiming that God will save every sinner.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s gonna drive us right outta business,\u201d explained the plaintiff\u2019s chief counsel, saying that Mr. Satan<\/a> is seeking $6 billion in loss of future income, $6 billion in pain and suffering, and $6 billion in punitive damages to deter other would-be universalists.<\/p>\n

Many in the legal world were not surprised at Mr. Satan\u2019s attempts for legal redress, only that it took him so long to assemble his team of counselors. It has been a full two weeks since the March 15 publication of Love Wins.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhere I live, selecting a legal team is a hard decision,\u201d Mr. Satan explained in a rare interview. \u201cThere are an awful lot of lawyers to choose from down in hell.\u201d<\/p>\n

The defendant\u2019s attorneys do not deny that Mr. Bell\u2019s book has deprived Mr. Satan of some potential revenue streams. However, they argue that this has already been more than remunerated in the hundreds of thousands of people who are now more vulnerable to Mr. Satan\u2019s sales pitches because of their own increased judgmentalism and unchristian behavior toward Mr. Bell.<\/p>\n

The defendant Mr. Bell, who was rescuing an abandoned puppy at press time, could not be reached for comment, but his opponent expressed astonished displeasure at Bell\u2019s chutzpah in publishing Love Wins<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u201cI mean, I\u2019ll be damned!\u201d Mr. Satan declared, then checked himself. \u201cActually, I apparently won\u2019t. That\u2019s precisely the problem.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

April 1, 2011 Satan announced today that Hell has filed for civil damages against HarperOne author Rob Bell, whose new book Love Wins hit shelves in March and has raised, well, hell. In the book, Bell asserts a universalist theology, claiming that God will save every sinner. \u201cThat\u2019s gonna drive us right outta business,\u201d explained…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":226,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,9,12,10],"tags":[104,100,22,103,96,97,21,101,94,102,92,99,93,98,95],"class_list":["post-246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-book-reviews","category-christianity","category-cultural-commentary","category-satire","tag-104","tag-april-fools","tag-flunking-sainthood","tag-grand-rapids","tag-harperone","tag-hell","tag-jana-riess","tag-lawsuit","tag-love-wins","tag-mars-hill-church","tag-rob-bell","tag-rob-bell-is-a-heretic","tag-satan","tag-universalism","tag-zondervan"],"yoast_head":"\nSatan Sues Rob Bell for Defamation; Seeks $18B in Damages Over \u201cLove Wins\u201d - Flunking Sainthood<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2011\/04\/satan-sues-rob-bell-for-defamation-seeks-18b-in-damages-over-\u201clove-wins\u201d.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Satan Sues Rob Bell for Defamation; Seeks $18B in Damages Over \u201cLove Wins\u201d - Flunking Sainthood\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"April 1, 2011 Satan announced today that Hell has filed for civil damages against HarperOne author Rob Bell, whose new book Love Wins hit shelves in March and has raised, well, hell. 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