{"id":1484,"date":"2011-09-27T12:06:04","date_gmt":"2011-09-27T16:06:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flunkingsainthood\/?p=1484"},"modified":"2011-09-27T12:06:04","modified_gmt":"2011-09-27T16:06:04","slug":"a-muslim-wedding-and-an-american-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2011\/09\/a-muslim-wedding-and-an-american-life.html","title":{"rendered":"A Muslim Wedding and an American Life"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>
My henna tattoo from the pre-wedding festivities.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

In July, I attended my first Muslim wedding, and it was an unforgettable occasion. The bride has been a good friend of mine for almost a decade, and in that time I\u2019ve heard about the ups and downs of halal dating and the quest for the right mate. She came close to the altar\u2014make that the canopy\u2014a couple of times, but it never quite worked out. \u00a0She wanted to be a good Muslim and please her family with an arranged marriage. But she also wanted to be an American\u2014and a feminist\u2014and marry to please herself.<\/p>\n

I was thinking about my friend the whole time I read Yvonne Haddad\u2019s brief but fascinating new book, Becoming American? The Forging of Arab and Muslim Identity in Pluralist America,<\/a> <\/em>which I review here as part of a Patheos.com rountable discussion about the book<\/a> and about Islam in America.<\/p>\n

I saw my friend\u2019s story in many places throughout Haddad\u2019s chronicle of Muslims in America: her parents were part of the South Asian \u201cbrain drain\u201d of the late 1960s and early 1970s, which the book identifies as a critical shift in Muslim American immigration (4). Her father, a successful professional, became an even more successful businessman, then gave back to the community by founding a school and supporting a legion of charities. My friend and her siblings mirrored many of the hopes of second-generation immigrants: they were encouraged to be diligent in school and to pursue high-profile careers, but also remain closely tied to family and tradition.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Yvonne Haddad's new book on American Muslim identity<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

That can be a lonely road.\u00a0 For example, my friend is among the estimated 80% of Muslims in America who are \u201cunmosqued\u201d (my new word du jour; see p. 30). For her I think this is partly because it\u2019s hard for an assimilated American woman to find a place in the mosque, even though as Haddad points out, the mosque itself is changing in its American iteration. The role of the imam is morphing into something more like a pastor, and many U.S. mosques now invest their zakat <\/em>(charitable giving) in serving the needy right here in America, rather than sending those dollars back to a \u201chome country\u201d as previous generations of Muslims were likely to do (24).<\/p>\n

I also saw her family\u2019s experience in the political aspirations of American Muslims, and their allegiance to the Republican Party in the Bush-Cheney years (68). Drawn by powerful promises of a seat at the table, Muslim voters, including my friend\u2019s parents, supported Bush with not just votes but large donations. But the story doesn\u2019t end there. Like some other Muslim Americans, my friend\u2019s brother\u2014a rising young politician himself who was quite literally born on the Fourth of July\u2014recently defected from the Republican Party. When I asked him why, he said that one reason was how disappointed he became this time last year when many conservatives, especially members of the Tea Party, so vociferously attacked the idea of the \u201cGround Zero Mosque\u201d (an oft-perpetrated misnomer), even to the point of denying the proposed building\u2019s constitutional right to exist. So even though he is still a Bush fan and says Bush\u2019s lifting of sanctions against Muslim nations helped result in 2011\u2019s \u201cArab spring,\u201d he\u2019s also disappointed that the Republican Party post-Bush has become increasingly xenophobic.<\/p>\n

In all, my friend\u2019s family beautifully illustrates the tensions that Haddad touches on in her book: \u201cWhat does it mean to them to be an American? Do they want to be American or hyphenated-American? Do they think of themselves as Muslims living in America . . . or do they think of themselves as Americans who happen to be Muslims?\u201d (96)<\/p>\n

My friend\u2019s joyous wedding showed the answer: Muslims can be\u2014and are\u2014both\/and, not either\/or. My friend found her husband in the both\/and way, thanks to a Muslim dating website that hewed to tradition while allowing for individual choice and some old-fashioned romance. And at the wedding itself, we boogied down to Pakistani favorites I\u2019d never heard before, as well as to the upbeat stylings of \u201cCelebration\u201d by Kool & the Gang.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In July, I attended my first Muslim wedding, and it was an unforgettable occasion. The bride has been a good friend of mine for almost a decade, and in that time I\u2019ve heard about the ups and downs of halal dating and the quest for the right mate. 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