{"id":1305,"date":"2011-06-24T16:34:48","date_gmt":"2011-06-24T20:34:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flunkingsainthood\/?p=1305"},"modified":"2011-06-24T16:34:48","modified_gmt":"2011-06-24T20:34:48","slug":"happy-psalms-p-s-ask-your-doctor-before-reading-the-bible","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flunkingsainthood\/2011\/06\/happy-psalms-p-s-ask-your-doctor-before-reading-the-bible.html","title":{"rendered":"Happy Psalms. P.S. Ask Your Doctor Before Reading the Bible"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Since I began the <a href=\"http:\/\/twitter.com\/#!\/janariess\">Twible<\/a> project, people have sometimes asked me what the hardest parts of the Bible are to tweet. I didn\u2019t have an answer for them at that time, but now I do, and it\u2019s an unexpected one: the Psalms of praise.<\/p>\n<p>The Psalter is rife with these cheery hymns: Praise him with the trumpet. Make a joyful noise. Bless the Lord, my soul.<\/p>\n<p>If I\u2019ve hit my Twible waterloo with the Psalms of praise, it\u2019s because if you\u2019ve read one you\u2019ve read them all. Conflict drives good storytelling, and these happy songs have no conflict. In fact, the absence of conflict is precisely their point.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m glad these Psalms exist, and I enjoy hearing them sung in worship. But I don\u2019t connect with them emotionally in nearly the same way that I connect with the laments, or even the visceral Psalms of imprecation (\u201cMay my enemies fall headlong into a ravine!\u201d etc). Happiness bores me. My own happiness is dull, and other people\u2019s happiness is downright nauseating.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll probably be wishing for a taste of that tranquility some months hence when we\u2019re knee-deep in the exile and the BYOZ* books like Lamentations and Jeremiah. But right now I could use a jeremiad or two. Uh, praise the Lord.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>*BYOZ = Bring Your Own Zoloft. Always ask your doctor before reading the Bible. Reading the Bible can cause deleterious side effects such as headache, head-banging, sexism, racism, heartburn, and Restless Heremeneutic Syndrome. Portions of the Bible have soporific effects, so do not combine reading the Bible with barbiturates or operate heavy machinery while under the influence of the Bible. Excessive Bible reading has been linked to addiction. Consult your doctor about a safe daily dosage.<!--more--><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>#Twible Ps 98: Let the rivers clap their hands. Afterwards, please stop taking the hallucinogens that caused you to see rivers clapping.<\/p>\n<p>#Twible Ps 99: G\u2019s enthroned upon his cherubim. They considered complaining about being badly squashed like that, but they\u2019re too cherubic.<\/p>\n<p>#Twible Ps 100: Worship checklist: make joyful noise, worship, come, know, enter, give thx, &amp; bless. Happy people have a lot to remember.<\/p>\n<p>#Twible Ps 101: King\u2019ll be a Boy Scout, practicing integrity, good deeds, &amp; honesty. Oh, &amp; eviscerating the wicked w\/ a Swiss Army knife.<\/p>\n<p>#Twible Ps 102: I\u2019m deathly ill, groaning in the night like a lost owl. I\u2019ll wither like grass, but G\u2019ll last forever. It\u2019s an odd comfort.<\/p>\n<p>#Twible Ps 103: \u201cBless the Lord, O my soul!\u201d Did you realize when your granny said that, she was actually quoting the Psalms? Who knew?<\/p>\n<p>#Twible Ps 104: Israel\u2019s version of Egypt\u2019s Top 40 \u201cHymn to the Aten,\u201d their sun god. But G\u2019s lord over sun AND moon AND stars. Top that.<\/p>\n<p>#Twible Ps 105: Did you doze thru the Bible\u2019s first pages? No worries, mate, b\/c it\u2019s all here in miniature: <em>Genesis &amp; Exodus for Dummies.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>#Twible Ps 106: Q: Who can utter the Lord\u2019s mighty acts? A: Our Psalmist, apparently, who then does so for 48 verses. The takeaway: G rules.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Since I began the Twible project, people have sometimes asked me what the hardest parts of the Bible are to tweet. I didn\u2019t have an answer for them at that time, but now I do, and it\u2019s an unexpected one: the Psalms of praise. The Psalter is rife with these cheery hymns: Praise him with&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":226,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,4],"tags":[484,485,483,21,489,488,487,475,476,477,478,479,480,481,473,474,70,482,1145,72,486],"class_list":["post-1305","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bible","category-twible","tag-aten","tag-boy-scouts","tag-israel","tag-jana-riess","tag-jeremiad","tag-jeremiah","tag-lamentations","tag-psalm-100","tag-psalm-101","tag-psalm-102","tag-psalm-103","tag-psalm-104","tag-psalm-105","tag-psalm-106","tag-psalm-98","tag-psalm-99","tag-psalms","tag-psalms-of-praise","tag-twible","tag-twitter-bible","tag-zoloft"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Happy Psalms. P.S. 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