{"id":79,"date":"2009-04-13T09:21:03","date_gmt":"2009-04-13T09:21:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flirtingwithfaith\/2009\/04\/am-i-the-only-one-that-dropped-the-ball-on-lent.html"},"modified":"2009-04-13T09:21:03","modified_gmt":"2009-04-13T09:21:03","slug":"am-i-the-only-one-that-dropped-the-ball-on-lent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flirtingwithfaith\/2009\/04\/am-i-the-only-one-that-dropped-the-ball-on-lent.html","title":{"rendered":"Am I The Only One Who Dropped the Ball on Lent?"},"content":{"rendered":"
I kicked off my first Lent<\/a> with great enthusiasm and expectation. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was that I expected, but I imagined it would be difficult to spend 40 days stretching the boundaries of comfort and routine to focus on my spiritual life without it having an impact. I even signed up to periodically blog the experience as part of a Lenten Synchroblog<\/a> endeavor inspired by Christine Sine<\/a> at Mustard Seed Associates<\/a>. My first synchroblog post ended with an “I’ll write more tomorrow” teaser ending that I planned to follow up on the next day.\u00a0<\/div>\n
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So far so good…or so it seemed.\u00a0<\/div>\n
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I never did write that second blog post. I wish I could say that the reason was profound. That the Holy Spirit led me in a different direction or something. No such luck. The real reason was far less savory. I never actually “did” Lent.\u00a0<\/p>\n
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This was not an intentional decision. It started with a simple slip off of my self-imposed Lenten wagon that quickly spiraled into a one-day-at-a-time descent. I thought about it, prayed about it and felt a bit guilty about it for about two weeks before it went out of my mind completely and I never looked back.\u00a0<\/div>\n
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What would Jesus do? Not this.<\/div>\n
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But this shouldn’t really be a big surprise to me.\u00a0I frequently set out to create a new disciplines in my life (think New Year’s Resolutions) only to find myself unable to achieve \u00a0genuine transformational change. I learned in recovery and continue to learn through my faith in Jesus that when I set out to make a change by force of will it is rarely sustained. On the other hand, when I turn things over to a power greater than myself (for me the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) it tends to bear fruit. I can’t explain the ins and outs of how this works, but I have come to believe that every genuine (and worthwhile) shift in my character since I first converted from atheism to agnosticism more than a decade ago – and more recently when I converted from agnosticism to Christianity – has been due to surrendering to something outside of myself.\u00a0I think that’s where I went wrong with this Lent endeavor. \u00a0<\/div>\n
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So, rather than chalking it up to “human nature” and moving forward like it never happened, I have decided to try again. Forty days from today puts me at May 22. I don’t know exactly what I should be giving up or how I should be amending my days – I will be praying, seeking and, most importantly, listening to find that out today.\u00a0<\/div>\n
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What I do know is that I am entering into “Take 2” on Lent 2009 with a little less enthusiasm and a lot more humility on the heels of my failed first attempt. It will be interesting to see how it goes this time around.<\/div>\n
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