{"id":141,"date":"2009-07-21T16:28:11","date_gmt":"2009-07-21T16:28:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/flirtingwithfaith\/2009\/07\/growing-up-ugly-the-story-of-dianes-beautiful-tattoo.html"},"modified":"2009-07-21T16:28:11","modified_gmt":"2009-07-21T16:28:11","slug":"growing-up-ugly-the-story-of-dianes-beautiful-tattoo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flirtingwithfaith\/2009\/07\/growing-up-ugly-the-story-of-dianes-beautiful-tattoo.html","title":{"rendered":"Growing Up “Ugly”: The Story of Diane’s Beautiful Tattoo"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

\n

I “met” Diane first through her writing at the Burnside Writer’s Blog<\/a> and later during a long and surprisingly deep chat on Facebook. I hope to meet her in person one day, but for now I am honored to share her brave story…\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

THE STORY OF MY BEAUTIFUL TATTOO by Diane Nienhuis<\/span><\/p>\n

I grew up ugly.<\/span><\/p>\n

For as long as I can remember I was teased for my looks. Throughout\u00a0elementary school I was told by so many classmates that I was ugly,\u00a0the ugly duckling, and anything else you can imagine. In fact, when I\u00a0was in the 7th grade a boy told me, “You are so ugly that I want to\u00a0blow your head off into a pile of shit with my 12 gauge shotgun.” My\u00a0Dad always told me I was beautiful but his words didn’t seem as strong\u00a0as all the other messages I received from kids both at school and at\u00a0church. I felt that he was supposed to say that to me, after all, I am\u00a0his daughter. When I was in High School my friends dad (who is a\u00a0pastor) actually said to me, “Too bad you’re not as pretty as your\u00a0sister.”<\/p>\n

I grew up believing this poison. I went through high school rooted in\u00a0the knowledge that I am not good-looking. My biggest fear in high\u00a0school was that a guy would ask me out only as a bet with his friends.\u00a0I believed a guy could never like me because I am not attractive.<\/p>\n

Instead of focusing on what I lacked, I began to develop my\u00a0personality instead. I’m funny. For serious. And eventually I became\u00a0really smart too. I have all my ducks in a row, my life is great and\u00a0full of adventure. Yet, in my darkest moments when I wonder why I am\u00a0single and fabulous at the age of 36, I believe deep down that it’s\u00a0because I am ugly.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n

Things have not changed much. In a lot of ways I think it’s because\u00a0when people see my old pictures they say, “You look the exact same!”\u00a0so how could I have become more attractive if I look the same? When I\u00a0am out with good-looking people I am invisible. I am the extra girl in\u00a0the shadows.<\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n
\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/div>\n
Two years ago my friend Julie got a tattoo on her left wrist. It says,\u00a0“good” in large letters. I love it and every time I am around her I\u00a0want to see it and touch it. We’ve talked about what it means to be\u00a0good, that God created all things to be good, and about how life IS\u00a0good. Finally this past winter I emailed her and asked her if I could\u00a0borrow her tattoo. I said I wanted it for myself. She said yes, she\u00a0would share it with me. I told another friend about my desire to have\u00a0the “good” tattoo and she said, “d<\/span><\/span>iane, find your own word.<\/span><\/span>“<\/p>\n

On a cold February night I was sitting outside looking into the sky and thinking about God. I was mulling over\u00a0words that define me or a word that I permanently needed to hear. I\u00a0needed a word from God. I needed to be reminded of how He sees me. And\u00a0this word kinda floated down to me and settled into the top of my\u00a0head, “B<\/span><\/span>eautiful, diane you are beautiful, that is how I see you<\/span><\/span>.”<\/p>\n

I emailed Julie, who works at the tattoo shop, and told her that I\u00a0will no longer steal her tattoo. I have my own word. Four days later I\u00a0went into the shop and had the word “beautiful” permanently marked on\u00a0my wrist.
\"\"<\/a>I can’t say that I feel beautiful all the time, or even some of the\u00a0time. But when I see the tat on my wrist, I do smile and am reminded\u00a0that it doesn’t matter how men see me. I love my tattoo and am so glad\u00a0I can carry this word around with me.<\/span><\/div>\n


<\/span><\/div>\n<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I “met” Diane first through her writing at the Burnside Writer’s Blog and later during a long and surprisingly deep chat on Facebook. I hope to meet her in person one day, but for now I am honored to share her brave story…\u00a0 THE STORY OF MY BEAUTIFUL TATTOO by Diane Nienhuis I grew up…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":181,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-141","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-spiritual-growth"],"yoast_head":"\nGrowing Up "Ugly": The Story of Diane's Beautiful Tattoo - Flirting with Faith<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/flirtingwithfaith\/2009\/07\/growing-up-ugly-the-story-of-dianes-beautiful-tattoo.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Growing Up "Ugly": The Story of Diane's Beautiful Tattoo - Flirting with Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I “met” Diane first through her writing at the Burnside Writer’s Blog and later during a long and surprisingly deep chat on Facebook. 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