Here’s the latest from the crossroads of faith and media:<\/p>\n
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”<\/strong> Those immortal words opening the Charles Dickens classic A Tale of Two Cities <\/em>sum up my feelings about 2020, a years that will be remembered for a cruel pandemic, economic catastrophe, murder hornets and an absurd media and political climate that is, in my view, an actual risk to Democracy.<\/p>\n How you interpret that last item most probably depends on where you sit on the political spectrum. As for me, I consider myself near the center with some opinions that are anathema to the right and some that are likewise to the left. Overall, I would describe my values as either conservative or classically liberal – and from that vantage point I see both major political parties as temperamentally ill-equipped for the times we are in.\u00a0 When society desperately needs a sense of balance that respects differing opinion as a means of honing in on truth and thoughtful action, too many of our political leaders and media conglomerates are feeding our human tendency toward either smug, partisan and self-defeating anger toward others which is all-too-often mixed with an unhealthy dose of America-shaming. No, we’re not the best at everything and, yes, we can learn from the successes of other nations – but they have a lot to learn from us too and we’re also far from the epitome of evil and incompetence that one side of the political equation would have us believe.<\/p>\n Which brings me to the upside of this lockdown. For some of us, particularly those of us who are fortunate to have our health, a roof over our heads, food on the table, money coming in and the love of family and friends, we can’t help but be filled with a sense gratitude. Some awesome people even manage to maintain that gratitude without every item on that list.<\/p>\n This has also, for some of us, been an opportunity to either discover passions we didn’t know we had or to dive into old passions with renewed, well, passion.<\/p>\n As for me, I’m rediscovering my passion for great television. And no, I haven’t become a couch potato who lays in front of the tube from morning til night. But, I do see traditional commercial television as an art form. I like its beats and rhythms and I love when it uses storytelling to convey ideas that inspire us all to both improve things and appreciate life as it is.<\/p>\n One of the current masters who accomplishes that in the sitcom format is Chuck Lorre. In fact, his three current shows (Mom, Young Sheldon<\/em> and Bob Hearts Abishola<\/em>) are the only three current scripted series my wife and I make it a point to watch. We’re also regularly tune into reruns of The Big Bang Theory<\/em> (as well as the non-Lorre classics Frasier<\/em> and Everybody Loves Raymond<\/em>). What all those shows have in common is that they are laugh-out-loud funny and feature warm, relatable characters. And, quite often, they bring to light some simple, yet fairly-deep, insights into what it is to live constructively and to simply be human – such as through these 10 lessons from the “Big Bang” asymmetric universe<\/em><\/a>.<\/p>\n So, as part of getting back into script-writing mode (I’ve written some TV pilots<\/a>), I’ve incorporated some of the lessons I’ve taken in from the current state of affairs lockdown and incorporated them into a lockdown-themed episode of Mom<\/em>. As someone who has dealt with depression, I relate to the characters as they rise up and defeat their own addictions and personal demons. There is so much wisdom and humanity mixed in with the genuine laughs that Mom<\/em> (created by Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky and Gemma Baker) truly stands out as one of my all-time favorite TV shows (a list which is to come).<\/p>\n Anyway, with gratitude to the above-named trio for creating such healing characters, here is my tribute to their great contribution to television history, a minor writing exercise entitled Green Eyes and Ham<\/em>. Happy Memorial Day everybody!<\/p>\n COLD OPEN <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Here’s the latest from the crossroads of faith and media: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Those immortal words opening the Charles Dickens classic A Tale of Two Cities sum up my feelings about 2020, a years that will be remembered for a cruel pandemic, economic catastrophe, murder hornets…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":225,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,1798,9619,13,1085,1591,14,3763,7533,16,26,4206,31,1],"tags":[9492,926,9708,3193,2774,9705,9540,4725,9702,9479],"class_list":["post-8952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-abortion","category-addiction","category-coronavirus","category-family-matters","category-forgiveness","category-good-works","category-gratitude","category-health","category-homlessness","category-humor","category-politics","category-power-of-prayer","category-television","category-uncategorized","tag-bob-hearts-abishola","tag-chuck-lorre","tag-eddie-gorodetsky","tag-everybody-loves-raymond","tag-frasier","tag-michael-guillengemma-baker","tag-mom","tag-the-big-bang-theory","tag-translogical-universe","tag-young-sheldon"],"yoast_head":"\n
\nINT. BONNIE AND CHRISTIE\u2019S LIVING ROOM – EVENING
\nBONNIE is alone, looking directly into her smart phone
\ncamera.
\nBONNIE
\nOkay. Let\u2019s get started. Is
\neveryone here?
\nCUT TO:
\nINT. SIX ZOOM BOXES – EVENING
\nAs the Zoom call begins, three boxes are on top and three are
\non the bottom. Bonnie is in the center of the bottom row.
\nCHRISTIE is upper right box in her bedroom and dressed in her
\npajamas. All the other boxes are vacant.
\nCHRISTIE
\nI\u2019m here.
\nBONNIE
\nI see that. Where\u2019s everybody else?
\nCHRISTIE
\nGive them a minute. This is, after
\nall, our first Zoom AA meeting.
\nBONNIE
\nAnd it\u2019s already driving me to
\ndrink. And look at you in your PJs.
\nCouldn\u2019t you at least have dressed
\nup a bit?
\nCHRISTIE
\nSorry. I didn\u2019t realize this was a
\nformal affair. Anyway, this is what
\nyou call quarantine chic.
\nBONNIE
\nHave you not been watching CBS This
\nMorning? Gayle King says that it\u2019s
\nvery important to get up and get
\ndressed – pandemic or not.
\nCHRISTIE
\nHow can I watch Gayle King? The
\nTV\u2019s in the living room with you.
\nWhy am I stuck up here anyway?
\nBONNIE
\nWe\u2019ve been over this.
\nCHRISTIE
\nSo, let me get this straight. A
\ncouple of Adam\u2019s bar customers come
\ndown with the virus. And so, even
\nthough he hasn\u2019t been tested and
\nhas no symptoms, he decides to selfisolate.
\nAnd I\u2019m trapped upstairs
\nbecause…?
\nBONNIE
\nBecause even though he\u2019s
\nasymptomatic…
\nCHRISTIE
\nGood medical word.
\nBONNIE
\n…I\u2019m the one who ends up having a
\ncough. Hence, I\u2019m self-isolating
\nfrom you. It\u2019s an act of motherly
\nlove.
\nCHRISTIE
\nYeah, you\u2019re so good – but somehow
\nyou end up with the refrigerator
\nand the TV. Besides, I haven\u2019t
\nheard you cough since yesterday.
\nBONNIE
\n(coughs)
\nSee what you\u2019ve done? You\u2019ve
\nreminded the virus.
\nCHRISTIE
\nHow\u2019s Adam, anyway?
\nBONNIE
\nHe\u2019s worried about his business, of
\ncourse – but he\u2019s okay. He\u2019s in our
\nbedroom with Gus.
\nCHRISTIE
\nAt least he has the dog to keep him
\ncompany. I\u2019m all alone in my bed.
\nBONNIE
\nSo, nothing\u2019s changed.
\nSilence.
\nBONNIE (CONT\u2019D)
\nOh, come on. That was a joke –
\nkinda.
\nJILL suddenly pops into the upper right hand box. She\u2019s at
\nher kitchen counter working on a heaping bowl of Ben &
\nJerry\u2019s Cherry Garcia ice cream. She indulges sporadically
\nduring the episode.
\nJILL
\nI\u2019m here! What did I miss?
\nBONNIE
\nI just made a joke and Christie
\ndidn\u2019t laugh.
\nJILL
\nOh. Well, you\u2019re on the little TV
\nscreen. Why don\u2019t you go get
\nyourself one of those laugh track
\nthingies?
\nThe LAUGH TRACK kicks in.
\nCHRISTIE
\nThat could work.
\nBONNIE
\nYou know, I generally like the
\nfeedback of a live audience.
\nOPENING SEQUENCE
\nThe usual opening images are displayed with the final image
\nof the characters\u2019 group selfie photoshopped to show the women
\nwearing masks\/protective face coverings.
\nACT ONE
\nINT. SIX ZOOM BOXES – EVENING
\nThe Zoom call continues as TAMMY pops into the box on the
\nlower left. She is driving a van with bags of groceries in
\nfilling the rear. A package of Pepperidge Farm cookies juts
\nout from one of the bags. She\u2019s wearing a mask and gloves.
\nTAMMY
\nAm I on? Can you all see me?
\nBONNIE
\nYes. Well, your eyes anyway.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(squinting)
\nI never realized they were green
\nbefore. Very attractive, actually.
\nJILL
\nJeez! Ever since you kissed that
\nchick on that retreat, we just
\ndon\u2019t know what you\u2019re gonna say.
\nBONNIE
\nNever mind that.
\n(to Tammy)
\nAre you driving?
\nTAMMY
\nYeah. Don\u2019t worry. I have your
\npictures turned off. It\u2019s like I\u2019m
\nlistening to talk radio – except
\nnobody\u2019s suggested this whole thing
\nis a hoax to bring down Trump.
\nCHRISTIE
\nWhy are you driving? Where are you
\ngoing?
\nTAMMY
\nI\u2019m picking up some cash as an
\nInstacart driver – you know,
\ndelivering groceries to people.
\nCHRISTIE
\nThat\u2019s good. That\u2019s important work!
\nBONNIE
\nYeah, yeah. Just be careful – and
\nmake sure people tip you
\nappropriately. Don\u2019t be taken
\nadvantage of. No guff.
\nTAMMY
\nYou\u2019re my next stop.
\nBONNIE
\nOh. Did you pack the eggs gently?
\nTAMMY
\nCheck.
\nBONNIE
\nAnd did you get the Spam – to go
\nwith the eggs?
\nTAMMY
\nCheck.
\nBONNIE
\nOh, oh! And those Pepperidge Farm
\ncookies back there! Are they were
\nthe ones with raspberry and
\nchocolate?!
\nTAMMY
\nYeah, yeah. I got everything you
\nwanted. Oh, except the toilet
\npaper.
\nBONNIE
\nDamn! We\u2019re really running low on
\ntoilet paper.
\nTAMMY
\nSorry.
\nBONNIE
\nI\u2019m sure you did your best.
\nHow far are away are you?
\nTAMMY
\nDon\u2019t you ever check your app? I
\nshould be there in less than a half
\nhour.
\nBONNIE
\nOkay. Just leave everything by the
\ndoor. I\u2019ll grab the last of the
\nLysol and bring it all in when
\nyou\u2019re, you know, socially distant.
\nBy the way, were you able to get
\nmore Lysol?
\nTAMMY
\nYes!
\nBONNIE
\nUnscented?
\nTAMMY
\n(getting annoyed)
\nUnscented!
\nBONNIE
\nNo need to get snippy. You know
\nyour tip is on the credit card.
\nTAMMY
\nI know. Five percent.
\n(sarcastically)
\nThanks.
\n(beat)
\nAnyway, who all is in on the call
\nso far?
\nJILL
\nJust you and the three of us.
\n(beat; off a spoonful of
\nice cream)
\nOh, and Ben and Jerry.
\nBONNIE
\nEasy there, Jill. Haven\u2019t you heard
\nof the Quarantine Fifteen?
\nJILL
\nWarns the woman waiting on the
\ncookies and Spam.
\nTAMMY
\nWhere\u2019s Marjorie? I thought I had
\nher all set up for this before I
\nleft the house.
\nBONNIE
\nWe\u2019re talking about Marjorie – and
\ntechnology. She probably somehow
\nzoomed into one of those boxes on
\nCNN.
\nJILL
\nThat would be funny – Marjorie as
\na talking head.
\nBONNIE
\nIn other words Marjorie as
\nMarjorie.
\nTAMMY
\n(laughs)
\nThat\u2019s a good one!
\nMARJORIE pops into the lower right box. The camera is
\nextremely tight on her face making it unclear where she is.
\nMARJORIE
\nI can hear you! And not funny!
\nCHRISTIE
\nWell, come on. It\u2019s a little funny.
\nMARJORIE
\nCan you see me now?
\nCHRISTIE
\nYeah. Wow! You have green eyes too.
\nJILL
\nHave you never looked anyone in the
\neyes before?
\nCHRISTIE
\nGreen eyes are very rare. Only two
\npercent of people have them.
\nJILL
\nYou know that?
\nCHRISTIE
\nI just googled it.
\nA TOILET FLUSHES.
\nBONNIE
\nMarjorie, where are you?!
\nMARJORIE
\nWhoops! You can\u2019t see anything can
\nyou?
\nTAMMY
\nJust your eyes.
\nCHRISTIE
\nYour green eyes.
\nJILL
\nEnough with the eyes!
\nBONNIE
\nNo! Just keep the shot on the eyes.
\nThat\u2019s all we want to see right
\nnow.
\nMARJORIE
\nOkay. Wait a minute. I\u2019m heading
\ninto the other room. I have to say
\nI\u2019m really glad Tammy just scored
\nus a twelve-pack of toilet paper.
\nBONNIE
\nWhat?
\nTAMMY
\n(quickly changing the
\nsubject)
\nDon\u2019t forget to keep that camera
\nangle!
\nAs Marjorie enters her bedroom the camera is going all over
\nthe place, from the ceiling, to her window where one of her
\ncats sits gazing out at the world, to her dresser on which
\nanother cat lies, to her bed where three of her other cats
\nare resting.
\nMARJORIE
\nDon\u2019t worry. I\u2019m decent.
\nJILL
\nAnd I\u2019m dizzy. Will you hold that
\nthing straight?
\nMARJORIE
\nJust a second.
\nThe three latter CATS MEOW and jump off the bed as Marjorie
\nsits on it and finally gets her face properly framed. She\u2019s
\ndressed in a flannel nightgown.
\nThere we go. Is that better?
\nJILL
\nAt least those little virus
\ncarriers are gone.
\nMARJORIE
\nThere\u2019s no evidence you can get
\nCOVID-19 from a cat.
\nCHRISTIE
\nStill, it wouldn\u2019t kill you to be
\nalone in the bed.
\nBONNIE
\nSpoken by one who knows.
\nChristie reacts with her flash impression of an angry cat,
\nclaws out.
\nTAMMY
\nIs everyone here now? I feel like
\nsomeone\u2019s missing.
\nSilence.
\nWENDY (O.C.)
\nMe! I\u2019m the one missing!
\nWENDY, wearing a medical mask and dressed in her nurses garb,
\npops into the upper center box.
\nBONNIE
\nAnd Jan Brady has arrived.
\nMARJORIE
\nBonnie, you do realize that none of
\nus is doing more to fight this
\nthing than Wendy. She and all the
\nhealth care and hospital workers
\nare the true heroes in all this.
\nWENDY
\nThanks, Marjorie. It\u2019s been some
\nday. From the moment I first got in
\nI…
\nTAMMY
\nHey, what about us food
\ndeliverers?! We\u2019re doing our part –
\nand it\u2019s not exactly without some
\nrisk.
\nMARJORIE
\nThat\u2019s a good point too.
\nBONNIE
\nWait a minute! We\u2019re all doing our
\npart. You never know how you\u2019re
\ngoing to act at a time like this
\nbut I\u2019m proud to say that when my
\ncountry called on me to stay home,
\nbinge watch TV and order food
\nonline I stepped up.
\nCHRISTIE
\nThen, super super that you are, you
\nwent the extra mile and instructed
\nyour tenants to shelter in place
\nand fend for themselves.
\nTAMMY
\n(sarcastically)
\nMaybe when this is over there can
\nbe a national fundraiser to build a
\nmemorial honoring your sacrifice.
\nBONNIE
\nNot just to me but all those who
\nstood beside me – from a safe
\ndistance, of course. But I want you
\nto know that I\u2019m no hero. It\u2019s just
\nthe way I am – and, yes, isn\u2019t that
\nwhat all heroes say? It\u2019s in our
\nDNA, I guess.
\nMARJORIE
\nYou can\u2019t be serious.
\nCHRISTIE
\nOh, she\u2019s serious as a pandemic.
\nThe thing that worries me is I have
\nher DNA.
\nJILL
\nSo, what have y\u2019all been binge
\nwatching?
\nBONNIE
\nYou know that show on TLC about the
\ndwarf couple.
\nMARJORIE
\n(correcting her)
\nThey\u2019re little people.
\nBONNIE
\nI know. That\u2019s what I just said.
\nMARJORIE
\nNo, I mean… Never mind.
\nI\u2019ve been watching \u201cThe Life of
\nBirds\u201d documentary series on PBS.
\nFascinating.
\nTAMMY
\nShe watches it with her cats.
\nBONNIE
\nTelevision that brings the whole
\nfamily together.
\nJILL
\nWell, I\u2019ve been rewatching \u201cDownton
\nAbbey.\u201d I tell you, I could\u2019ve
\nlived back then. It was a time
\nof…
\nWENDY
\nHello! I\u2019m still here!
\nJILL
\nOh, sorry, Wendy. What have you
\nbeen binge watching?
\nWENDY
\nI don\u2019t want to talk about binge
\nwatching some stupid TV show! I
\njust went through one of the worst
\ndays of my life!
\nSilence.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(timidly)
\nWhat happened?
\nWENDY
\nI don\u2019t want to talk about it.
\nMARJORIE
\nI think you do.
\nBONNIE
\nI think you need to.
\nPause.
\nJILL
\nCome on, Wendy. Tell us about your
\nday.
\nPause.
\nWENDY
\nToday my unit was designated the
\nsecond COVID ICU at the hospital.
\nI\u2019m in the middle of my fourth
\nstraight thirteen-hour shift. I
\ndon\u2019t want to go back there but I
\nknow I have to. Lives are depending
\non it.
\nBONNIE
\nTelevision that brings the whole
\nfamily together.
\nJILL
\nWell, I\u2019ve been rewatching \u201cDownton
\nAbbey.\u201d I tell you, I could\u2019ve
\nlived back then. It was a time
\nof…
\nWENDY
\nHello! I\u2019m still here!
\nJILL
\nOh, sorry, Wendy. What have you
\nbeen binge watching?
\nWENDY
\nI don\u2019t want to talk about binge
\nwatching some stupid TV show! I
\njust went through one of the worst
\ndays of my life!
\nSilence.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(timidly)
\nWhat happened?
\nWENDY
\nI don\u2019t want to talk about it.
\nMARJORIE
\nI think you do.
\nBONNIE
\nI think you need to.
\nPause.
\nJILL
\nCome on, Wendy. Tell us about your
\nday.
\nPause.
\nWENDY
\nToday my unit was designated the
\nsecond COVID ICU at the hospital.
\nI\u2019m in the middle of my fourth
\nstraight thirteen-hour shift. I
\ndon\u2019t want to go back there but I
\nknow I have to. Lives are depending
\non it.
\nBONNIE
\nTelevision that brings the whole
\nfamily together.
\nJILL
\nWell, I\u2019ve been rewatching \u201cDownton
\nAbbey.\u201d I tell you, I could\u2019ve
\nlived back then. It was a time
\nof…
\nWENDY
\nHello! I\u2019m still here!
\nJILL
\nOh, sorry, Wendy. What have you
\nbeen binge watching?
\nWENDY
\nI don\u2019t want to talk about binge
\nwatching some stupid TV show! I
\njust went through one of the worst
\ndays of my life!
\nSilence.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(timidly)
\nWhat happened?
\nWENDY
\nI don\u2019t want to talk about it.
\nMARJORIE
\nI think you do.
\nBONNIE
\nI think you need to.
\nPause.
\nJILL
\nCome on, Wendy. Tell us about your
\nday.
\nPause.
\nWENDY
\nToday my unit was designated the
\nsecond COVID ICU at the hospital.
\nI\u2019m in the middle of my fourth
\nstraight thirteen-hour shift. I
\ndon\u2019t want to go back there but I
\nknow I have to. Lives are depending
\non it.
\nThose people need me – both the
\npatients and my team. Honestly, it
\nfeels like a war zone. We\u2019ve had to
\ndeal with limited supplies for
\nweeks now. It\u2019s getting better but
\nwe\u2019re exhausted. The doctors, the
\nnurses, everyone.
\nI have two patients on ventilators.
\nI don\u2019t know if they\u2019re going to
\nmake it. I just feel like I should
\nstay with them because no one
\nshould go through this alone. But,
\non the other hand, I needed to step
\naway. I\u2019m just so very, very tired.
\nThere\u2019s just so much going on all
\nat once. It\u2019s overwhelming. I just
\nwant to give every patient the care
\nthey desperately need, the care
\nevery human being deserves.
\n(wipes away a tear)
\nI\u2019m sorry.
\nSilence.
\nMARJORIE
\nYou\u2019re doing your best, Wendy – and
\nyou\u2019re doing it with compassion.
\nIt\u2019s all any person can do. I\u2019m
\nproud of you.
\nTAMMY
\nYou\u2019re all heroes.
\nJILL
\nAmen to that.
\nBONNIE
\nYeah.
\nCHRISTIE
\nOmigosh! You have green eyes too!
\nEND ACT ONE
\nACT TWO
\nINT. SIX ZOOM BOXES – EVENING
\nThe Zoom conference call continues but all six boxes are
\nblank. Suddenly, one at a time, the women pop back into their
\nprevious boxes.
\nJILL
\nOoh. What happened there?
\nBONNIE
\nI don\u2019t know. I guess it was a
\ncommercial break.
\nMARJORIE
\nAnyway, Wendy, you should know that
\nwe\u2019re all with you through this.
\nWe\u2019re all praying for you.
\nJILL
\nThat\u2019s right. We\u2019re your friends.
\nWENDY
\n(beat)
\nThank you.
\n(beat)
\nHow\u2019s Andy?
\nJILL
\nThanks for asking. Actually, he\u2019s
\ntested positive.
\nThere are GASPS as the women react.
\nJILL (CONT\u2019D)
\nHe\u2019s okay. He doesn\u2019t have any
\nsymptoms but he\u2019s self-isolating.
\nCHRISTIE
\nWhy didn\u2019t you tell us earlier?
\nJILL
\nI don\u2019t know. I guess I was trying
\nto pretend it wasn\u2019t happening. It
\nwas easier to talk about \u201cDownton
\nAbbey.\u201d
\nCHRISTIE
\nWhat happened? How\u2019d he get it?
\nJILL
\nIt probably happened when he and
\nsome other cops were called in to
\nbreak up one of those idiotic virus
\nparties. The event was even posted
\nonline. Now at least four of the
\n\u201cparty-goers\u201d have it.
\nCHRISTIE
\nWow. Talk about going viral.
\nJILL
\nThe fools! The organizer is on a
\nrespirator now. I hope he dies!
\nMARJORIE
\nYou don\u2019t mean that.
\nJILL
\n(reluctantly reconsiders)
\nNo. I don\u2019t. But it\u2019s just not
\nright that Andy and his squad are
\nput in danger by those morons.
\nMARJORIE
\nThey\u2019re probably just a bunch of
\nstupid kids who think they\u2019re
\ninvulnerable and that everything is
\nfunny. What were they – like
\neighteen, nineteen, maybe twenty?
\nJILL
\nAndy says they were all in their
\nforties.
\nMARJORIE
\nAlright, so morons.
\nJILL
\nEven if they were young, they
\nshould know better. People\u2019s lives
\nare at stake!
\nMARJORIE
\nI know.
\nBONNIE
\nAlthough, to be honest, I did some
\npretty stupid things when I was
\neighteen and twenty.
\n(reconsiders)
\nThen again, I did some pretty
\nstupid things when I was forty.
\n(reconsiders)
\nAnd this morning.
\nCHRISTIE
\nYour point being?
\nBONNIE
\nPeople are idiots.
\nCHRISTIE
\nBut your examples were all about
\nyou – like most things you go on
\nabout.
\nMARJORIE
\nLet\u2019s face it. We\u2019ve all done some
\npretty stupid things that we
\nregret. Fact is, I think I\u2019m
\nprobably number one in that
\ndepartment.
\nBONNIE
\nOh, you want to make this a
\ncompetition? Bring it on, woman,
\nbecause I\u2019m locked and loaded.
\nCHRISTIE
\nI gotta warn you, Marjorie, I was
\nthere for most of it. When it comes
\nto a bad decision contest she
\nfloats like a butterfly and stings
\nlike a bee.
\nMARJORIE
\nI don\u2019t know. It\u2019s hard to beat a
\nbank robbery.
\nCHRISTIE
\nOh, yeah – The sixties, you, the
\nBlack Panther – and the backseat of
\nthe getaway car.
\nBONNIE
\nDon\u2019t forget the explosion of
\nindelible ink.
\nMARJORIE
\nIt was blue. My mug shot looked
\nlike Smurfette.
\n(beat)
\nAh, memories. But, romance aside,
\nprison was no picnic.
\nBONNIE
\nHey, I was in prison too.
\nTAMMY
\nSo was I!
\nWENDY
\nMy gosh! This is gonna be like the
\nbattle of the titans.
\nTAMMY
\nOh, it\u2019s gonna be a cage match.
\nMARJORIE
\nPrison – by itself – wasn\u2019t even my
\nworst mistake. That would have to
\nbe how I totally screwed up my
\nrelationship with my son. We lost
\ndecades.
\nBONNIE
\nWell, how about me and Christie? I
\nhad her before I was old enough to
\nvote. I almost aborted her but
\ndidn\u2019t. I had the chance to give
\nher up for adoption but couldn\u2019t. I
\ndid my best to raise her but I
\nutterly failed at it.
\nSilence.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(shaken)
\nSo, I was your biggest mistake?
\nTAMMY
\n(as if folding a poker
\nhand)
\nI\u2019m out.
\nMARJORIE
\nMe too.
\nTAMMY
\n(beat)
\nThat actually didn\u2019t come out
\nright.
\nCHRISTIE
\nBut it\u2019s how you feel.
\nBONNIE
\nLook, every mistake you made in
\nyour life is because I was such a
\npoor example for you. You really
\nhad no idea what a real family
\nlooks like – and that was on me.
\nCHRISTIE
\nSo, my disaster of a life – the
\naddictions, the failed
\nrelationships, especially with my
\nown kids – it all reflects badly on
\nyou and makes you feel worse about
\nyour own life.
\nBONNIE
\nThat\u2019s not what I said at all.
\nCHRISTIE
\nBut it is what you said.
\nBONNIE
\nNo, it\u2019s not. It\u2019s what you heard.
\n(pause)
\nThe truth is Little Girl – and you
\nare my Little Girl – is that I\u2019m
\nextremely proud of you. You\u2019ve
\novercome so many obstacles –
\nobstacles I sprinkled before you
\nlike Acme tacks in front of the
\nRoad Runner – but, no matter what,
\nyou just kept on going.
\n(beat)
\nMy big mistake certainly wasn\u2019t
\nhaving you. It was not enjoying you
\n– and not giving you every good
\nthing you deserved. There\u2019s my
\nbiggest regret, in a nutshell.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(softening)
\nAnd I certainly am a nutshell.
\n(beat)
\nHey, I know you did your best with
\nthe emotional hand your were dealt.
\nI mean you were given up for
\nadoption when you were four and
\npassed around from foster home to
\nfoster home until you ran off with
\nAlvin as a teenager and had me –
\nand he abandoned us both.
\nBONNIE
\nAt the hospital – on Christmas Eve.
\nSaint Joseph, he wasn\u2019t – but he
\nhad his story too.
\nCHRISTIE
\nI\u2019m glad we both had a chance to
\nreconcile with him before he
\npassed.
\nBONNIE
\nMe too. He was a messed-up kid –
\nbut he actually had a good heart.
\nCHRISTIE
\nExcept that he died of a heart
\nattack – in bed with you.
\n(beat)
\nLife hasn\u2019t been easy on you.
\nBONNIE
\nOr you.
\nMARJORIE
\nThe truth is we\u2019ve all been dumped
\non in one way or another and we\u2019ve
\nall made mistakes that we wish we
\ncould take back. It\u2019s like that
\ncountry song goes, \u201cWe\u2019ve all got
\nbruises.\u201d
\nBONNIE
\nYou\u2019re not gonna start singing are
\nyou?
\nMARJORIE
\nI\u2019m just saying that there\u2019s no use
\nstewing over the fact that we can\u2019t
\ncorrect the past. We can\u2019t go back
\nin time.
\nJILL
\nI don\u2019t know. Maybe we can.
\nBONNIE
\nJill, for God\u2019s sake, \u201cDownton
\nAbbey\u201d is just a TV show.
\nJILL
\nI\u2019m not talking about going back in
\ntime – but maybe we can correct the
\npast.
\nCHRISTIE
\nAnd how do we do that?
\nJILL
\nI mean don\u2019t get me wrong. This
\nwhole thing is causing a lot of
\nsuffering for a lot of people. I
\nmean I get it. I feel it.
\nCHRISTIE
\nBut?
\nJILL
\nBut, looked at from another angle,
\nmaybe there\u2019s something to be said
\nfor this big ol\u2019 timeout. Maybe
\nit\u2019s the Universe\u2019s way getting us
\nall to take a breather, appreciate
\nhow far we\u2019ve come, see our
\nmistakes from a distance – and just
\nsorta hit the reset button.
\nPause.
\nCHRISTIE
\nWow. That was like Marjorie-wise.
\nBONNIE
\nIt was. Maybe we can get another
\ncompetition going here. Marjorie,
\nyou care to top that?
\nMARJORIE
\nNo.
\n(beat)
\nExcept to say…
\nBONNIE
\nIt\u2019s on!
\nMARJORIE
\nI was just going to say that we all
\nreally have come a long way. The
\nfact is I don\u2019t even recognize that
\nblue Bonnie Parker as me anymore.
\nBONNIE
\nThat\u2019s true. Maybe it\u2019s time to
\nplan another heist.
\nMARJORIE
\nI\u2019m serious. This old lady\u2019s come a
\nlong way – and, thanks to you and
\nChristie, I\u2019m even reconciled with
\nmy son – and babysitting my
\nbeautiful granddaughter. I can\u2019t
\nthank the two of you enough for
\nthat.
\nBONNIE
\nYou\u2019re welcome.
\nCHRISTIE
\nYeah. You\u2019ve certainly done enough
\nfor us.
\nMARJORIE
\nWell, over the past – What is it?
\nSix or seven years? – we\u2019ve all, at
\none time or another, been there for
\neach other. But, I guess, it\u2019s like
\nthe song goes, \u201cThat\u2019s What Friends
\nAre For.\u201d
\nBONNIE
\nYou have a song for every aphorism,
\ndon\u2019t you?
\nMARJORIE
\nNo.
\n(beat; smiles)
\nI have an aphorism for every song.
\nBONNIE
\n(rolls her eyes)
\nOh, brother!
\nMARJORIE
\nBut, you know, aphorisms are
\nusually true.
\nTAMMY
\nWell, as the newest member of this
\ngroup all I can say is you\u2019ve all
\nbeen like the \u201cWind Beneath My
\nWings.\u201d
\nBONNIE
\nAlright, that\u2019s enough!
\nTAMMY
\nI\u2019m just saying, you all are the
\nclosest thing I\u2019ve ever had to a
\nfamily. You\u2019ve fulfilled a need I
\nnever even knew I had.
\nWENDY
\nThat\u2019s great, Tammy – because, when
\nyou get right down to it \u201cPeople
\nwho need people…
\nBONNIE
\n(simultaneous)
\nStop!
\nWENDY
\n(simultaneous)
\n…are the luckiest people in the
\nworld.\u201d
\nMARJORIE
\nWords of wisdom.
\nBONNIE
\nFine – but can we please stop
\ntalking in song titles? You know?
\nLet It Be?
\nTAMMY
\nCan you hum a few bars?
\nBONNIE
\nYou people drive me crazy!
\nMARJORIE
\nWell, don\u2019t you think you drive us
\ncrazy!
\nStunned silence.
\nBONNIE
\nWhat?
\nMARJORIE
\nIt\u2019s just that sometimes whitewater
\nrafting through your stream of
\nconsciousness can be a bit
\nexhausting.
\nBONNIE
\nHow so?
\nMARJORIE
\nOkay. Being with you and Christie
\ncan be like being hit by a wave of
\namazingly self-absorbed triviality
\none second and a wave of intense
\npersonal revelation the next and
\nthen back again.
\nBONNIE
\nI like to think there\u2019s an art to
\nthat – but we\u2019re sorry we\u2019re so
\nannoying.
\nCHRISTIE
\nHow\u2019d I get into this?
\nMARJORIE
\n(beat)
\nHowever, then comes the next wave –
\nwhere the two you reunite me with
\nmy son.
\n(beat)
\nAnd then there are the waves when
\nyou\u2019re there for me during my
\nchemotherapy and when Victor died.
\n(beat)
\nYou all were.
\nJILL
\nWe\u2019ve all given you our share of
\ngrief too.
\nMARJORIE
\nTrue – and right back at you. But
\nthe fact is, I need you all in my
\nlife. Or, at least, I really want
\nyou all in my life.
\nBONNIE
\n(beat)
\nDitto.
\nWENDY
\nIt\u2019s the translogical universe.
\nBONNIE
\nWhat?
\nWENDY
\nIt\u2019s physicist Michael Guillen\u2019s<\/a>
\nterm for how, in science, two<\/a>
\nopposing ideas can both be true<\/a>.
\nBONNIE
\n(incredulous)
\nYou mean like \u201calternative facts\u201d?
\nWENDY
\nI mean like we all drive each other
\ncrazy – but we also keep each other
\nsane.
\nTAMMY
\n(makes like her head just
\nexploded)
\nThat\u2019s deep.
\nWENDY
\nAnyway, applying the physics
\nconcept to what\u2019s going on now,
\nDoctor Guillen mentions the first
\nline of \u201cA Tale of Two Cities.\u201d
\nMARJORIE
\n\u201cIt was the best of times. It was
\nthe worst of times.\u201d
\nWENDY
\nRight.
\nBONNIE
\nSo, we\u2019ve moved on from quoting
\nsong titles to quoting Shakespeare?
\nWENDY
\nDickens, but whatever.
\nMARJORIE
\nYour point is well-taken, Wendy.
\nBONNIE
\nYes – and it is…?
\nTAMMY
\n(raises her hand while
\ndriving)
\nOoh! Ooh! I know!
\nHONKING SOUND. There\u2019s a flash of panic on the faces of the
\nwomen. ONCOMING HEADLIGHTS shine in Tammy\u2019s face as she
\nquickly grabs the steering wheel with both hands.
\nBONNIE
\n(as Tammy grabs the wheel)
\nBoth hands on the wheel!
\nTAMMY
\n(calls out to other
\ndriver)
\nMy bad!
\n(beat)
\nWhere was I? Oh, yeah. I was just
\ngonna say that it\u2019s like being in
\nprison. It\u2019s hell but nothing makes
\nyou appreciate freedom more.
\nCHRISTIE
\nOr how being an addict gets you to
\nappreciate sobriety more.
\nJILL
\nBeing a former marine, Andy calls
\nthis whole thing a worldwide reboot
\ncamp. It\u2019s a mess – but it\u2019s also
\nan opportunity let go of what\u2019s
\npulling us down and hang on tightly
\nto everyone and everything that
\nlifts us up.
\nCHRISTIE
\nSo, both let go – and hang on.
\nMARJORIE
\nThe secret of the translogical
\nuniverse.
\nWENDY
\nBingo.
\nBONNIE
\nSo, Marjorie, all this time we were
\nplaying a cosmic bingo game and you
\nwin. Seems right – given your
\nability to be at once trite and
\nprofound.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(meekly)
\nI said the secret.
\nMARJORIE
\n(enjoying her win)
\nBut I did identify it.
\nWENDY
\nThat\u2019s true.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(under her breath)
\nRip-off.
\nWENDY
\nThe point is it\u2019s only bingo. Let
\nit go.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(softly)
\nCosmic bingo.
\n(beat; sheepishly)
\nSo, what do we hold onto?
\nBONNIE
\nI\u2019ll tell you what we hang onto. We
\nhang onto gratitude – for every
\nbreath, for whatever health we
\nhave, for stocked store shelves,
\nfood on the table, for a roof over
\nour heads, for those we love, for
\nfreedom, purpose, for friggin\u2019
\ntoilet paper! – and for whatever
\nHigher Power brought us to where we
\nknow that whatever crap the world
\ndishes out, we can eat it up and we
\ncan spit out – because…
\n(sings)
\n\u201cWe did it Our Way\u201d…
\n(talks)
\n…and…
\n(sings)
\n\u201cWe Made it Through the Rain and
\nfound ourselves respected by the
\nothers who got rained on too – and
\nmade it through!\u201d
\nAs the women smile an endorsement of the sentiment…
\nTAMMY
\n(applauds)
\nBravo!
\nMARJORIE
\n(applauds; simultaneous)
\nBingo, Bonnie!
\nBONNIE
\nTalking about crap the world dishes
\nout, you know what sucks?
\n(beat)
\nWhen your Instacart shopper claims
\nthe toilet paper is out of stock
\nbut you find out she just scored a
\ntwelve-pack for her and her
\nhousemate!
\nTammy knows she\u2019s busted.
\nMARJORIE
\nAnd downstream we go.
\nEND ACT TWO
\nTAG
\nINT. SIX ZOOM BOXES – EVENING
\nThe Zoom conference call nears an end as only Christie and
\nBonnie remain in their respective boxes.
\nCHRISTIE
\nSo, it\u2019s just you and me now.
\nBONNIE
\nWhich is how our story began.
\nCHRISTIE
\nThat was some conversation.
\nBONNIE
\nYeah.
\nCHRISTIE
\nToo bad Wendy had to drop off
\nearly.
\nBONNIE
\nYeah. It\u2019s about time we pay her
\nmore notice.
\nCHRISTIE
\nIt\u2019s about time we pay all nurses
\nmore notice – and also, you know,
\npay them more.
\nBONNIE
\nTrue.
\nCHRISTIE
\nI\u2019m really glad you upped Tammy\u2019s
\ntip to twenty percent.
\nBONNIE
\nWell, we\u2019re lucky we can still
\nafford it – and the work she\u2019s
\ndoing is important too.
\nCHRISTIE
\nYou know, the old you wouldn\u2019t have
\ngotten past the toilet tissue
\nissue.
\nBONNIE
\nWell, what can I tell you? I\u2019ve
\ngrown.
\nCHRISTIE
\nYou have. I\u2019ve noticed.
\n(beat)
\nFrom my window, I\u2019ve seen you
\ndropping breakfast off in front of
\nMister Munson\u2019s door.
\nBONNIE
\nSpam and eggs.
\nCHRISTIE
\nIf he wasn\u2019t blind I\u2019d make a joke
\nlike he likes his green eyes and
\nSpam.
\nBONNIE
\nYou mean because my eyes are green.
\nCHRISTIE
\nYeah. Good one, right?
\nBONNIE
\nSure.
\n(beat)
\nAnd your\u2019s are blue. I don\u2019t know
\nhow you ever made it into the
\ngroup.
\nCHRISTIE
\nI had a connection.
\nBONNIE
\nOr an out.
\nCHRISTIE
\nGood one.
\n(beat)
\nDo you really think this is an
\nopportunity to start over?
\nBONNIE
\nNo. It\u2019s an opportunity to take all
\nwe\u2019ve learned and go forward –
\nrebooted, with the lessons saved
\nand the bugaboos trashed.
\n(beat)
\nYou don\u2019t really want to start over
\ndo you?
\nCHRISTIE
\n(with realization)
\nNooo.
\n(beat)
\nGood night.
\nBONNIE
\nGood night.
\nCHRISTIE
\n(beat)
\nI love you, Mom.
\nBONNIE
\n(surprised; moved)
\nI love you too.
\nChristie\u2019s box goes blank. Bonnie pauses briefly and wipes a
\ntear from her eye.
\nFADE TO BLACK.
\nTHE END<\/p>\n