Experts say, surprises are good for us. How can this be?<\/p>\n
Research shows that surprises work on the brain\u2019s dopamine system and allows us to focus our attention better. Data claims that surprises inspire us to look at our situations in new ways, to keep us learning, or bring satisfaction.<\/p>\n
The problem with this data is, it doesn\u2019t feel completely true. And experts even warn against bad reactions to bad surprises.<\/p>\n
I remember being a kid and playing baseball with my siblings and cousins. My big cousin swung the bat and hit me smack in the forehead. The whack was totally unexpected. And not satisfying.<\/p>\n
What typically happens after a bad surprise?<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve caught myself adjusting my expectations and training myself accordingly so as not to be disappointed.<\/p>\n
I trained myself to stay away from baseball. It was my best effort to using that surprise-whack to my advantage. And so far, so good, I haven\u2019t been hit in the head with a bat again.<\/p>\n
Basically, I avoided baseball in the effort to avoid a disappointing surprise.<\/p>\n
But think about this Cheryl, I tell myself, are experts telling me that, if I hadn\u2019t avoided baseball, would I have become a star baseball player earning millions?<\/p>\n
Probably not, I can\u2019t even throw a ball.<\/p>\n
But for this address, that incident hints at what experts warn against. Avoiding surprises. Experts gently encourage us rather, to grow benefits<\/em> from surprises.<\/p>\n Which means, I can\u2019t<\/strong> do its opposite of avoiding surprises<\/em>. Avoidance is a short-term solution, similar to the option to lower my expectations in the hopes it will reduce disappointments when the unexpected comes my way.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s take half a minute here though, to distinguish between realistic<\/em> and unrealistic<\/em> expectations. In regard to unrealistic<\/em> expectations, yes, it is effective, it is to our benefit to avoid or lower unrealistic expectations.<\/p>\n But, when it comes to realistic<\/em> expectations, expectations of bettering our world, we can treat surprises with more lasting answers or advantages. I think we do it already.<\/p>\n We\u2019re learning about human nature. We learn how resilient and progressive we can be, while at the same time learning how destructive we can be.<\/p>\n We learn how to use reason and conviction, to strive to grow the good in human nature.<\/p>\n Because of my own limitations, I find having a power greater than myself helps in this effort. I call the greater power divine Spirit, or God. And remind myself Spirit is the source of benefits and satisfaction, not surprises. Which means therefore, that surprises can\u2019t take away benefits or satisfaction.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve also taken the time to observe. To look around and ask, just how many people get surprised?<\/p>\n Some people get surprised often, whereas some people don\u2019t seem to get surprised at all. The older I get, the less I get surprised. Every time a surprise comes my way, I shake my head and think, doesn\u2019t surprise me one bit.<\/em><\/p>\n Then I plow ahead through the situation, to grow benefits. For inspiration, I often look to others who have successfully grown benefits themselves.<\/p>\n There is the story of Joseph, in the Bible. He was thrown into a pit, by his jealous brothers. I can\u2019t help but assume that the family dysfunction<\/em> was a disappointing surprise to Joseph.<\/p>\n A tribe came by the pit, brought Joseph out and sold him as a slave.<\/p>\n Joseph\u2019s owner learned to trust him. Until, that is, Joseph was falsely accused and so sent to prison.<\/p>\n Despite the surprise of prison, Joseph kept his God and believed in advantages, not only for himself but also for others. It\u2019s interesting, because whereas Joseph previously worked for the privileged, he now had the opportunity to work for the underprivileged. And, he could<\/em>, because divine Spirit is in force everywhere, designed to uplift and empower satisfaction.<\/p>\n A couple years after prison life, Joseph was remembered for his good skills, and released. Moreover, he was put in charge of saving the country from starvation, which included saving his immediate family.<\/p>\n In a contemporary book titled, \u201cSurprise: Embrace the Unpredictable and Engineer the Unexpected,\u201d authors, Tania Luna and Leeann Renninger argue that surprise, whether good or bad, brings vitality to our lives.<\/p>\n But what about the times when a series of bad surprises overwhelm the good and eat away at vitality or satisfaction?<\/p>\n This nearly happened to me in religion.<\/p>\n My religious background includes a religion associated with Mary Baker Eddy, born in early 19th<\/sup> century. She realized the value of applying the unseen power of Spirit, and taught it to others through a schooling called Christian Science. She wrote a book titled \u201cScience and Health.\u201d<\/p>\n A group of followers formed, and Mrs. Eddy later started a church. And, one surprise followed another.<\/p>\n At the turn of the 20th<\/sup> century, people were flocking to churches of Christ, Scientist, led by Eddy.<\/p>\n The institution gained in credibility especially when it came to spiritual health and healing. Christian Science was so in vogue that nonreligious and religious people clamored to be in her church.<\/p>\n Thousands of Jews left the synagogues in the 1920s to join her church.<\/p>\n Jewish leaders were taken by surprise by the migration, but used the surprise to a greater advantage by acknowledging their own access to mindful health. Morris Lichtenstein, wrote and published the \u201cJewish Science and Health.\u201d He could, because the unseen force of Spirit, supporting Eddy was also supporting him. Jews began staying in the synagogues.<\/p>\n The Society of Jewish Science organized in New York City and is still there today.<\/p>\n Back to Mrs. Eddy, after she died in 1910, her church began losing leadership throughout the 20th<\/sup> century.<\/p>\n By the time I was born in 1961, the state of the church did not resemble the early history of Christian Science.<\/p>\n The church was in decline, and at that point, Christian Scientists were known as the people who never go to doctors. It was an accepted stereotype, believed by both admirers and critics of Christian Science. Even I believed it, until it became unpleasant and alarming.<\/p>\n I felt guilty when I went to the doctor. I also heard remarks that children\u2019s health care was compromised by parents who were praying.<\/p>\n I heard people justify or debate this stereotype using one sentence from Eddy\u2019s Science and Health. <\/em>The sentence reads, \u201cOnly through radical<\/strong> reliance on Truth can scientific healing power be realized.\u201d<\/p>\n In efforts to discuss healing or benefits, that sentence was repeated as if it meant healing comes through radical reliance on prayers<\/em>. But it doesn\u2019t say that.<\/p>\n Reliance on prayer is not the same thing as reliance on Truth.<\/p>\n Sure, prayer is a big part of Christian Science, but prayer isn\u2019t equal to Truth. Prayer is only a method of discovering truth, even discovering the proper use of medicine.<\/p>\n