{"id":647,"date":"2013-11-29T15:02:37","date_gmt":"2013-11-29T15:02:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/everydayinspiration\/?p=647"},"modified":"2013-11-29T15:02:37","modified_gmt":"2013-11-29T15:02:37","slug":"how-to-let-go-of-pain-and-forgive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayinspiration\/2013\/11\/how-to-let-go-of-pain-and-forgive.html","title":{"rendered":"How to Let Go of Pain and Forgive"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cHe that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.\u201d –Thomas Fuller<\/strong><\/p>\n

When you hold onto pain, it makes you feel validated and powerful. The secret though about holding grudges is that they do not harm the person that hurt you; they harm YOU. Here\u2019s how to get past pain and forgive:<\/p>\n

Walk a mile in their shoes<\/strong> \u2013People rarely hurt others intentionally. When someone does upset you, it is highly possible they did not realize the effects of their actions. If their pain was maliciously inflicted though, consider the way the other person may have interpreted the chain of events that took place. <\/p>\n

Keep in mind, also, that we all come from different backgrounds, and we all handle conflict and emotions differently. None of these explanations should excuse this person\u2019s behavior though or invalidate your feelings; this entry is to merely help you understand so you can let go of your pain.<\/p>\n

Talk to the person who caused you pain<\/strong> \u2013 If you haven\u2019t already, consider expressing your feelings to the person who hurt you\u2014send an email or write a letter, if that\u2019s easier. This gives you a chance to articulate what was not acceptable and why you were hurt. <\/p>\n

It also sets boundaries for you on future interactions. Chances are the two of you will walk away with a better understanding of the incident and each other.
\n
\nRecognize the damage it\u2019s doing to you<\/strong> \u2013 When you feed the grudge that you\u2019re holding, it only self-perpetuates a cycle of bitterness and hate. Your feelings about the pain are reasonable and valid: you want the situation to be resolved, for things to feel \u201ceven.\u201d<\/p>\n

But when you don\u2019t get the retribution you seek, you\u2019re left with a wound that can\u2019t heal and won\u2019t heal on its own. It sounds obvious, but your pain won\u2019t make you any happier. Relief will only come through true forgiveness.<\/p>\n

Say something nice to them <\/strong>\u2013 Before you feel it, you might have to do it. Say something nice or acknowledge an accomplishment they had. Letting go of your pain<\/a>, even for a moment, to compliment the one who hurt you, or to discuss other unrelated events, might surprise you with a more positive reaction than you expected. It can easily become the gateway to letting your guard down and letting go of the pain.<\/p>\n

The power is all yours<\/strong> \u2013 Whether they\u2019ve apologized profusely or inadequately, it\u2019s up to you to move on. No one can do it for you, no matter what the person does to try to make it up to you. Fact of the matter is that many people may not give you what you\u2019re even looking for. But it\u2019s up to you to move on. You can\u2019t live your whole life based on a reaction to pain.<\/p>\n

Choose life, love, and peace\u2014let go and forgive! Take your happiness back.<\/p>\n

About Alex Blackwell<\/a><\/h5>\n

Alex Blackwell<\/strong> is the author of Letting Go: 25 True Stories of Peace, Hope and Surrender<\/a><\/strong>, which includes 10 free Peace and Balance tools<\/a><\/strong>.
\nWeb<\/a> | Inspiring Things <\/a> | Free eBook: How to Love Consciously<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cHe that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.\u201d –Thomas Fuller When you hold onto pain, it makes you feel validated and powerful. 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