{"id":47,"date":"2009-06-10T09:55:25","date_gmt":"2009-06-10T09:55:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/everydayethics\/2009\/06\/do-we-tip-to-be-generous-or-to-seem-generous.html"},"modified":"2009-06-10T09:55:25","modified_gmt":"2009-06-10T09:55:25","slug":"do-we-tip-to-be-generous-or-to-seem-generous","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/2009\/06\/do-we-tip-to-be-generous-or-to-seem-generous.html","title":{"rendered":"Do We Tip To BE Generous, Or To SEEM Generous?"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n\"Show<\/span><\/p>\n

And does the intent matter?<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m settling in to do some writing at my local
\ncoffee joint, getting all prepared to talk…you know…ethics ‘n’
\nstuff. <\/span>I make sure I buy enough (a
\nblack & white cookie and a large decaf latte) to justify the amount of time
\nI’ll be hanging around taking up one of their tables (maybe half an hour, tops). I
\nonly grab as much sweetener as might actually, feasibly sweeten the coffee I have<\/i>, rather than stuffing 80 packets in
\nmy purse, the way some<\/i> people do.
\nHeck, I don’t even plug my laptop in without first making sure the staff don’t
\nmind. <\/span><\/p>\n

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I believe in good
\nrestaurant etiquette. I know these little java joints have a slim profit
\nmargin, and nibblers like me aren’t helping by hogging their tables, mooching
\noff their internet while we nurse a single bagel for three hours.<\/span><\/p>\n

Which is why I tip at least a buck with each purchase when I plan to hang out
\nin a coffee house to work, even if all I’m getting is a beverage that costs
\nroughly that same amount.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet when I dropped my dollar in the bucket today, I got
\ngrumpy. Not that I resented spending the money. If I want to save cash, I can
\nwork from home. And the baristas are quite nice at the caf\u00e9 I frequent. So it wasn’t the money or the service that got my goat.<\/span><\/p>\n

The problem was, they
\ndidn’t notice<\/i>.<\/span><\/p>\n

I’m reminded of a classic Seinfeld episode, “The
\nCalzone<\/a>.” <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

In it, George so badly wants his ‘generous’ tip to get noticed, he ends up getting accused of stealing from the tip jar<\/a> when he tries to take his money back and drop it in again later when the guy behind the counter is actually paying attention.<\/span><\/p>\n

I totally get that.<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Much as it pains me to admit it, I don’t just do good deeds to do them, I do them to be seen<\/i> doing them.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is that? Would a truly decent human not worry about whether her thoughtful behavior goes unnoticed? Does it make me a crummy person if I want recognition for doing the ‘right’ thing?<\/span><\/p>\n

Yeah. Maybe somewhat. But in my opinion, ethics, decency, and all that are really about the social contract<\/a>; i.e., doing our part to make sure society functions. We get something, we give something, the world continues to go around. Virtue may be its own reward, but a little acknowledgement makes my coffee taste that much sweeter.<\/span><\/p>\n

What do you think? Tell us your thoughts about tipping, about virtue, about societal norms… or even coffee house etiquette.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n


<\/span><\/p>\n

Photo by flickr user <\/span>Infrogmation<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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She attended St. John's College in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where she studied classics and philosophy, and then respectfully declined to spend the rest of her life in an ivory tower. Instead, she turned to the life of a writer and editor, penning three romance novels published by St. Martin's Press and contributing features to such periodicals as Cosmopolitan magazine. Her fascination with the moral dilemmas that crop up in everyday life--and the many intriguing ways people handle them--has always colored her writings. Now, that interest is leading her to take the discussion online; where, hopefully, the addition of reader feedback will bring these quotidian quandaries--and their potential solutions--vibrantly to life. When she's not plumbing the ethical mysteries of humanity, her passions include cooking (especially baking), origami, kittens, reading, watching really bad television and playing online scrabble. (And no, she doesn't cheat... much.)","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/author\/hfields"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/197"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}