{"id":229,"date":"2009-10-30T01:14:16","date_gmt":"2009-10-30T01:14:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/everydayethics\/2009\/10\/when-your-friend-dates-a-married-mando-you-stand-by-them.html"},"modified":"2009-10-30T01:14:16","modified_gmt":"2009-10-30T01:14:16","slug":"when-your-friend-dates-a-married-mando-you-stand-by-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/2009\/10\/when-your-friend-dates-a-married-mando-you-stand-by-them.html","title":{"rendered":"When Your Friend Dates a Married Man&#8230;Do You Stand By Them?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve weighed the question of whether we should be held accountable for the failings of our friends, I&#8217;ve raked myself over the coals for my unethical shoving-morals-down-throat technique when it comes to family &#8212; now, I wonder, is it wrong to simply phase a friend out because they&#8217;ve done something you find reprehensible?&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>I&#8217;m not talking murder; I&#8217;m talking about dating a married man. With kids. Who is your boss.<br \/>\nCall me naive, but I was genuinely shocked when I found out about this. I didn&#8217;t think people I knew did things like this &#8212; or fell for something so&#8230;<i>cliched<\/i>.&nbsp;<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>At first I tried to take it all in stride &#8212; no judge-y tone of voice, no &#8220;do you hear yourself?&#8221; scold. I tried to ask innocuous questions like, &#8220;what&#8217;s he like?&#8221; (a cheating scoundrel), and &#8220;where does he live?&#8221; (he deserves a nice place in hell).&nbsp;<\/div>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<div>But after the initial conversation, I&#8217;ve become more and more upset by the whole thing. I want no part of it, not even as a supportive friend (because surely you should stick by your friends, even when they&#8217;re making a mistake, right?)&nbsp;<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>She was my friend long before she became the &#8220;other woman&#8221;. So why does this one mistake (I can&#8217;t help it, I can&#8217;t believe her actions are anything but reprehensible) cancel out a friendship? Obviously I have the right to not be her friend if something she does makes me uncomfortable; but do I have the right to judge her so harshly? Or judge at all?&nbsp;<\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><b>How would you handle this situation? I could use some advice!<\/b><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;ve weighed the question of whether we should be held accountable for the failings of our friends, I&#8217;ve raked myself over the coals for my unethical shoving-morals-down-throat technique when it comes to family &#8212; now, I wonder, is it wrong to simply phase a friend out because they&#8217;ve done something you find reprehensible?&nbsp; I&#8217;m not&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":198,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,39],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-229","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-by-padmini-mangunta","category-personal-responsibility"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>When Your Friend Dates a Married Man...Do You Stand By Them? - Everyday Ethics<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/2009\/10\/when-your-friend-dates-a-married-mando-you-stand-by-them.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"When Your Friend Dates a Married Man...Do You Stand By Them? - Everyday Ethics\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I&#8217;ve weighed the question of whether we should be held accountable for the failings of our friends, I&#8217;ve raked myself over the coals for my unethical shoving-morals-down-throat technique when it comes to family &#8212; now, I wonder, is it wrong to simply phase a friend out because they&#8217;ve done something you find reprehensible?&nbsp; I&#8217;m not&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/2009\/10\/when-your-friend-dates-a-married-mando-you-stand-by-them.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Everyday Ethics\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-10-30T01:14:16+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Padmini Mangunta\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"When Your Friend Dates a Married Man...Do You Stand By Them? - Everyday Ethics","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/2009\/10\/when-your-friend-dates-a-married-mando-you-stand-by-them.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"When Your Friend Dates a Married Man...Do You Stand By Them? - Everyday Ethics","og_description":"I&#8217;ve weighed the question of whether we should be held accountable for the failings of our friends, I&#8217;ve raked myself over the coals for my unethical shoving-morals-down-throat technique when it comes to family &#8212; now, I wonder, is it wrong to simply phase a friend out because they&#8217;ve done something you find reprehensible?&nbsp; I&#8217;m not&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/2009\/10\/when-your-friend-dates-a-married-mando-you-stand-by-them.html","og_site_name":"Everyday Ethics","article_published_time":"2009-10-30T01:14:16+00:00","author":"Padmini Mangunta","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/2009\/10\/when-your-friend-dates-a-married-mando-you-stand-by-them.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/2009\/10\/when-your-friend-dates-a-married-mando-you-stand-by-them.html","name":"When Your Friend Dates a Married Man...Do You Stand By Them? 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In addition to writing for a various print and online publications, such as Parenting Magazine and iVillage, she was the Website Manager for the Henry Street Settlement, a social services and arts organization serving Manhattan's Lower East Side. Most recently, she worked on the Thai-Myanmar border as a writer for the Burma Human Rights Yearbook. Her curiosity about human nature, coupled with duel streaks of idealism and Midwestern pragmatism, developed into an ongoing discussion with friends, family and strangers on ethical quandaries. When she's not asking \"Why?\" you might have trouble finding her, as her hobbies include nosing around used bookstores, exploring the world (near and far), meeting new people and occasionally twiddling her thumbs while daydreaming.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/author\/pmangunta"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/229","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/198"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=229"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/229\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=229"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=229"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/everydayethics\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=229"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}