{"id":9700,"date":"2017-11-03T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2017-11-03T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=9700"},"modified":"2017-10-28T17:38:25","modified_gmt":"2017-10-28T21:38:25","slug":"can-praise-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/11\/can-praise-child.html","title":{"rendered":"Can You Over Praise Your Child?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-9702\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2017\/10\/parenting--300x200.jpg\" alt=\"parenting\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/>For years, I taught a parenting course called, Dynamic Parenting \u00a9. The course was designed to improve the behavior of children. One of the skills taught was how to praise a child. Praise was broken down into teachable parts.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Look at your child<\/li>\n<li>Move close to your child<\/li>\n<li>Give a nonverbal gesture of approval<\/li>\n<li>Praise immediately<\/li>\n<li>Praise the behavior, not the child<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Parents were then sent home to practice this skill and reinforce appropriate behavior when they saw it. Often, parents would ask, \u201cCan we over praise our child?\u201d My answer was, \u201cNot if the praise is genuine, based in reality and focused on behavior.\u201d Praise is needed to change and reinforce behavior. It is an important parenting skill that needs to be used often.<\/p>\n<p>However, parents can over praise if they don\u2019t follow the guidelines. Praise is not about how good or exceptional a child is or can be. It is used for specific behavior like spending time studying, taking out the trash, complying with rules, etc.<\/p>\n<p>Today, we have parents who praise their children for everything and that praise is not based in reality. This type of praise, over inflated praise, can lead to a child feeling entitled and create poor coping when it comes to failure or working hard to reach a goal.<\/p>\n<p>A study in the <em>Journal of Experimental Psychology<\/em> found that over praising can do harm to children. Think about it. If a child is constantly told he is so smart, so accomplished and then finds out he is not really the best when he goes to school or out into the world, it can deflate his esteem\u2014the exact opposite the parent is trying to do.<\/p>\n<p>Studies now tell us that when parents try to inflate self-esteem by over praising, kids aren\u2019t prepared for life. Dr. Mark Leary at Duke University, explains that children as early as age eight are impacted by what others think of them in terms of their self-esteem. When kids feel valued, loved and accepted, they usually develop good self-esteem. But parents who over protect their kids from any negative feedback or realistic views of themselves may actually be creating self-esteem problems. Balance is the key. Too much positive not based in reality, and too little negative, can create relationship problems in the future.<\/p>\n<p>So parents, be careful. Be specific and realistic about your praise. For example, rather than tell your child she is the best soccer player on the field, tell her you noticed how much her hard work has paid off.<\/p>\n<p>Finally, all children need to know that their esteem comes from God, not others. No one has the power to define their worth but God. And God declares each child loved, valued and accepted just because He created him or her. Worth is not defined by accomplishments, abilities or beauty. In God\u2019s eye, we are esteemed because we are one of His.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For years, I taught a parenting course called, Dynamic Parenting \u00a9. The course was designed to improve the behavior of children. One of the skills taught was how to praise a child. Praise was broken down into teachable parts. Look at your child Move close to your child Give a nonverbal gesture of approval Praise&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3521,52,669,282,4092],"class_list":["post-9700","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-entitled-children","tag-parenting-2","tag-parenting-strategies","tag-praise","tag-reinforcement"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Can You Over Praise Your Child?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/11\/can-praise-child.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Can You Over Praise Your Child?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"For years, I taught a parenting course called, Dynamic Parenting \u00a9. The course was designed to improve the behavior of children. One of the skills taught was how to praise a child. Praise was broken down into teachable parts. Look at your child Move close to your child Give a nonverbal gesture of approval Praise&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/11\/can-praise-child.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-11-03T10:00:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-10-28T21:38:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2017\/10\/parenting--300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Can You Over Praise Your Child?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/11\/can-praise-child.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Can You Over Praise Your Child?","og_description":"For years, I taught a parenting course called, Dynamic Parenting \u00a9. The course was designed to improve the behavior of children. One of the skills taught was how to praise a child. Praise was broken down into teachable parts. 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Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9700","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9700"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9700\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9703,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9700\/revisions\/9703"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9700"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9700"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9700"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}