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Divorce. Remarriage. Lots of change is involved and kids feel it!<\/p>\nDivorce. Remarriage. Lots of change is involved and kids feel it!<\/p>\n
Jason stared at the floor, angry and frustrated. Sitting in my therapy office, a new hurdle confronts this shy fourteen year-old. His mom is about to remarry.<\/p>\n
Two years ago dad walked out. No phone calls, visits or contact. Dad moved out of state with his newly found love. The hurt runs deep.<\/p>\n
Now, Jason faces another change. A \u201cnew dad\u201d is moving in after the wedding. Jason, like so many children, has no interest in becoming a binuclear family. Let\u2019s face it; terms like \u201cstepchild\u201d, \u201cstep mom\u201d or \u201cstepfather\u201d don\u2019t exactly conjure up positive images.<\/p>\n
Sometimes it is hard to\u00a0understand that a parent’s\u00a0desire to remarry may not be warmly received by his or her\u00a0children.\u00a0Why? Jason\u2019s family was torn apart, destined now to be replaced with another. He had no say over either event. And he\u2019s still working on forgiving his father and releasing his anger. These negative feelings might be displaced on the new dad.<\/p>\n
And what does he call this new guy anyway — dad, stepfather, mom\u2019s husband, Steve? Oddly, he feels loyal to his biological dad, even though dad doesn\u2019t deserve such loyalty. The incoming step dad feels like \u201can invader from outer space\u201d.<\/p>\n
Jason senses that his world is about to turn upside down. Shortly, a stranger will be munching Cheerios across the breakfast table. Mom\u2019s attention and energy will be diverted. He\u2019ll have a 15-year old stepsister with whom he must share a bathroom. Holiday traditions will change. New relatives will make comments about his looks and mannerisms. It all feels overwhelming.<\/p>\n
Many newly blended families hope for instant acceptance and intimacy when in reality, it takes three to five years for most family members to feel a sense of belonging–even longer for adolescents.<\/p>\n
Remember, your decision to remarry is based on your love for a new person. The children may not share that love and will face major adjustments and more upheaval. Be realistic about the blending process. Pray for wisdom and discernment. Formulating a stepfamily can be difficult.\u00a0Patience is needed. Be sensitive to what your children are experiencing.\u00a0After all, while they will most likely adjust over time, this remarriage wasn’t their idea!<\/p>\n
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Divorce. Remarriage. Lots of change is involved and kids feel it! Jason stared at the floor, angry and frustrated. Sitting in my therapy office, a new hurdle confronts this shy fourteen year-old. His mom is about to remarry. Two years ago dad walked out. No phone calls, visits or contact. Dad moved out of state…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[1818,132,2750,3750,1820],"class_list":["post-9079","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-blended-families","tag-divorce","tag-remarriage","tag-step-kids","tag-step-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n