{"id":8881,"date":"2017-01-17T06:00:27","date_gmt":"2017-01-17T11:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=8881"},"modified":"2017-01-14T08:32:39","modified_gmt":"2017-01-14T13:32:39","slug":"strategies-deal-narcissist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html","title":{"rendered":"Strategies to Deal With a Narcissist"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-8883\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2017\/01\/i-741508_1920-300x179.jpg\" alt=\"i-741508_1920\" width=\"300\" height=\"179\" \/>\u201cI\u2019m having trouble with my boss. He always thinks he is right.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><strong><em>\u201c<\/em><\/strong><em>He\u2019s impossible to deal with because he doesn\u2019t see how often he puts me down and thinks he is better than I am.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>&#8220;<\/em><em>She\u2019s always telling me how great and important she is. It\u2019s gets old!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p>These words represent the frustration of people\u00a0who deal with a\u00a0narcissist. Narcissists are people who exaggerate their achievements, feel they are superior in their talents, are preoccupied with success, power, brilliance, and often believe that they can only be understood by other high status people. They crave admiration and have a strong sense of entitlement.<\/p>\n<p>Most frustrating is the lack of empathy and compassion.\u00a0Brain research is now giving us more understanding of why these people project themselves as overly confident and arrogant. The lack of empathy is correlated to structural deficits in parts of the brain. What this means is that\u00a0the empathetic parts of the brain are less developed. These findings are based on imaging of the brain and may help us understand more about people with this diagnosis.<\/p>\n<p>Regardless of the factors that cause narcissism, many of us have these people in our lives and need strategies to effectively deal with them.<\/p>\n<p>Here are a few pointers to\u00a0help:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Find a way to make a request while appealing to their ego, they will listen better. While you may not like doing this, there is incredible insecurity underlying the narcissism. Stroking the ego, which seems counterintuitive, actually helps you get along with the person better.<\/li>\n<li>Recognize that narcissists usually do not trust people. Even though they appear overly confident, they live in anxiety with the fear that their weakness will be overcome by someone else. Thus, the overcompensating. So proceed cautiously as your motives and actions may be questioned.<\/li>\n<li>You don\u2019t have to respond to everything that is said, as they can be master manipulators. Sometimes less is better.<\/li>\n<li>Avoid arguments because you usually can\u2019t win. Acknowledge their feelings and don\u2019t continue to push your point. If you must deal with a conflict, start soft and include yourself in the problem.<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t look for empathy as this is a skill that has to be taught. And the person has to want to increase this skill.<\/li>\n<li>Give positive feedback when you can. It helps to focus on the positives in order to not build a wall of negativity.<\/li>\n<li>Avoid challenges as you will probably lose. Often the narcissist has low frustration tolerance and things can escalate quickly.<\/li>\n<li>Forgive often. \u00a0You don\u2019t want to build a root of bitterness towards the person.<\/li>\n<li>Pray.\u00a0God can work on anyone. Transformation is His great work in us. When the narcissist becomes frustrated because\u00a0his close relationships are failing, he or she is often open to the work of the Holy Spirit. Continue to point the person to the Lord and how Christ in them gives them the power to make changes. Usually it is the feedback from others that causes a person to question his or her behavior. Once the person is open to cultivating humility and compassion, God can work in them.<\/li>\n<li>Prepare to go slow. The work of change requires patience, but if the person is committed to improving relationships, change is possible.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cI\u2019m having trouble with my boss. He always thinks he is right.\u201d \u00a0\u201cHe\u2019s impossible to deal with because he doesn\u2019t see how often he puts me down and thinks he is better than I am.\u201d &#8220;She\u2019s always telling me how great and important she is. It\u2019s gets old!\u201d These words represent the frustration of people\u00a0who&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[3707,1121,3571,3466],"class_list":["post-8881","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-arrogance","tag-difficult-relationships","tag-narcissism","tag-narcissist"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Strategies to Deal With a Narcissist<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Strategies to Deal With a Narcissist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cI\u2019m having trouble with my boss. He always thinks he is right.\u201d \u00a0\u201cHe\u2019s impossible to deal with because he doesn\u2019t see how often he puts me down and thinks he is better than I am.\u201d &#8220;She\u2019s always telling me how great and important she is. It\u2019s gets old!\u201d These words represent the frustration of people\u00a0who&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-01-17T11:00:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-01-14T13:32:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2017\/01\/i-741508_1920-300x179.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Strategies to Deal With a Narcissist","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Strategies to Deal With a Narcissist","og_description":"\u201cI\u2019m having trouble with my boss. He always thinks he is right.\u201d \u00a0\u201cHe\u2019s impossible to deal with because he doesn\u2019t see how often he puts me down and thinks he is better than I am.\u201d &#8220;She\u2019s always telling me how great and important she is. It\u2019s gets old!\u201d These words represent the frustration of people\u00a0who&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2017-01-17T11:00:27+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-01-14T13:32:39+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2017\/01\/i-741508_1920-300x179.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html","name":"Strategies to Deal With a Narcissist","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2017\/01\/i-741508_1920-300x179.jpg","datePublished":"2017-01-17T11:00:27+00:00","dateModified":"2017-01-14T13:32:39+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2017\/01\/i-741508_1920-300x179.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2017\/01\/i-741508_1920-300x179.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2017\/01\/strategies-deal-narcissist.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Strategies to Deal With a Narcissist"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice &amp; Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8881","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8881"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8881\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8895,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8881\/revisions\/8895"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8881"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8881"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8881"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}