{"id":8799,"date":"2016-12-14T06:00:46","date_gmt":"2016-12-14T11:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=8799"},"modified":"2016-12-13T07:03:27","modified_gmt":"2016-12-13T12:03:27","slug":"whose-family-go-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/whose-family-go-holidays.html","title":{"rendered":"Whose Family Do We Go To For The Holidays?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-8800\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2016\/12\/hugs-1613208_1920-300x215.jpg\" alt=\"hugs-1613208_1920\" width=\"300\" height=\"215\" \/>Reader Question: Every year, we have this\u00a0family conflict. My husband\u2019s parents live about three hours away and mine are six hours away, in opposite directions. Both sets of parents want us to spend Christmas with them. How do we handle this without upsetting either family? <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This type of family conflict is common this time of year.\u00a0In order to settle it, it is best\u00a0to have this conversation when you first get married and later when you start your family. That way, you can make a plan and communicate that plan to both families.<\/p>\n<p>If you haven&#8217;t discussed a regular plan, start talking now as the more advanced conversation you can have, the better. The plan may need regular negotiation given the changes in families and special circumstances. Some families are flexible and will easily accept any plan you make, others are more rigid and want certain traditions kept with you participating.<\/p>\n<p>There are usually four options to consider. These can help resolve the family conflict.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Alternate holidays<\/strong> by holidays or years. For example, go to one family for Thanksgiving, the other for Christmas; one for Christmas, one for Easter, etc. Or alternate the years, one year Christmas at one family, the next year Christmas at the other.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Dine and dash.<\/strong> Try to make both families for part of the Christmas season. This will be more stressful, require travel, and time off from work but each family gets you for part of the holiday season. I call it Dine and Dash because it feels like you eat and run to the next home. This works better for families who do not live very far apart.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Host the holiday at your home.<\/strong> Invite both sets of parents to come to you if you can handle the accommodations or they are willing to arrange their own. Or if you go to one family for Thanksgiving, maybe have the other family at your house for Christmas and then alternate the family that comes each year.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Visit at other times.<\/strong> You stay home for Christmas and make your own traditions and visit both families at other times of the year.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Bottom line, you and your husband need to make a plan that makes sense for you and that you can manage. Then talk with your families and see if you can agree on an arrangement.But keep in mind the importance of family traditions and being together to mark a holiday. While it might be inconvenient to work out all the details, it usually feels worth it to reconnect and build memories.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Reader Question: Every year, we have this\u00a0family conflict. My husband\u2019s parents live about three hours away and mine are six hours away, in opposite directions. Both sets of parents want us to spend Christmas with them. How do we handle this without upsetting either family? This type of family conflict is common this time of&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[398,3686,678,3659,3685,674],"class_list":["post-8799","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-christmas","tag-families-and-christmas","tag-family-conflict","tag-family-holidays","tag-holiday-issues","tag-home-for-the-holidays"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Whose Family Do We Go To For The Holidays?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/whose-family-go-holidays.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Whose Family Do We Go To For The Holidays?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Reader Question: Every year, we have this\u00a0family conflict. My husband\u2019s parents live about three hours away and mine are six hours away, in opposite directions. Both sets of parents want us to spend Christmas with them. How do we handle this without upsetting either family? This type of family conflict is common this time of&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/whose-family-go-holidays.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-12-14T11:00:46+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-12-13T12:03:27+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/12\/hugs-1613208_1920-300x215.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Whose Family Do We Go To For The Holidays?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/whose-family-go-holidays.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Whose Family Do We Go To For The Holidays?","og_description":"Reader Question: Every year, we have this\u00a0family conflict. My husband\u2019s parents live about three hours away and mine are six hours away, in opposite directions. Both sets of parents want us to spend Christmas with them. How do we handle this without upsetting either family? 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Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8799","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8799"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8799\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8802,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8799\/revisions\/8802"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8799"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8799"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8799"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}