{"id":8790,"date":"2016-12-13T06:00:10","date_gmt":"2016-12-13T11:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=8790"},"modified":"2016-12-11T16:47:19","modified_gmt":"2016-12-11T21:47:19","slug":"children-divorce-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html","title":{"rendered":"Children and Divorce at The Holidays"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"hands-1246170_1920\"<\/strong><\/p>\n

Reader Question: My ex-husband has and I have divorced and he has visitation rights with our two children, ages seven and nine. The kids were scheduled to visit him over the Christmas holidays, but circumstances have changed and I would like some advice. My ex no longer goes to church and is living with a woman. He has made it clear that his girlfriend will be staying with him over Christmas even though our divorce has only been final for six months. I am steaming over this.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The holidays are especially difficult when it comes to family get togethers and divorce. Sometimes, it is hard to know what the best approach is for your children.\u00a0Divorce can raise a number of issues around the holiday. I understand your frustration, but take a deep breath so you can properly address this situation with your ex.<\/p>\n

Children can feel parental stress, but don\u2019t know how to cope with it. Whatever you fought about last year, talk about ahead of time and try to come to agreement on those issues. Next, make sure the children see both parents during the holiday time. Work out a schedule before the season begins and stick to your plans.<\/p>\n

That said, your children need time to grieve the loss of the divorce. This will be their first Christmas without mom and dad together. Consequently, it is too soon to introduce a new person and would be confusing.<\/p>\n

When kids are forced to be nice around someone who is uncertain, they can repress their feelings. Then those feelings can manifest in depression, defiance, school problems, etc. So you have to talk to your ex about the timing of this for the kids. Since this is a new relationship, it would be best for him to see the kids without the girlfriend right now. He will have plenty of opportunities to introduce his girlfriend to the kids in the future should the relationship become serious. He also needs to know this person better before inserting her into the lives of his children. Rather than commenting on his relationship or lack of church going, keep the conversation focused on the needs of the kids and appeal to his sensibility on taking it slow and giving the children time to grieve and get through the holidays without mom and dad together.<\/p>\n

If he refuses to cooperate, you will need to do the best you can to explain what is happening to your children and deal with your frustration privately. I pray he acts like a grown up and puts his children\u2019s needs over his own.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Reader Question: My ex-husband has and I have divorced and he has visitation rights with our two children, ages seven and nine. The kids were scheduled to visit him over the Christmas holidays, but circumstances have changed and I would like some advice. My ex no longer goes to church and is living with a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[3681,1554,398,3682,3680],"class_list":["post-8790","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-children-and-the-holidays","tag-children-of-divorce","tag-christmas","tag-dealing-with-your-ex","tag-divorce-and-the-holidays"],"yoast_head":"\nChildren and Divorce at The Holidays<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Children and Divorce at The Holidays\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Reader Question: My ex-husband has and I have divorced and he has visitation rights with our two children, ages seven and nine. The kids were scheduled to visit him over the Christmas holidays, but circumstances have changed and I would like some advice. My ex no longer goes to church and is living with a…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-12-13T11:00:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-12-11T21:47:19+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/12\/hands-1246170_1920-300x225.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Children and Divorce at The Holidays","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Children and Divorce at The Holidays","og_description":"Reader Question: My ex-husband has and I have divorced and he has visitation rights with our two children, ages seven and nine. The kids were scheduled to visit him over the Christmas holidays, but circumstances have changed and I would like some advice. My ex no longer goes to church and is living with a…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2016-12-13T11:00:10+00:00","article_modified_time":"2016-12-11T21:47:19+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/12\/hands-1246170_1920-300x225.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html","name":"Children and Divorce at The Holidays","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/12\/hands-1246170_1920-300x225.jpg","datePublished":"2016-12-13T11:00:10+00:00","dateModified":"2016-12-11T21:47:19+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/12\/hands-1246170_1920-300x225.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/12\/hands-1246170_1920-300x225.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/12\/children-divorce-holidays.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Children and Divorce at The Holidays"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice & Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8790","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8790"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8790\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8796,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8790\/revisions\/8796"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8790"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8790"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8790"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}