{"id":8640,"date":"2016-11-22T06:00:23","date_gmt":"2016-11-22T11:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=8640"},"modified":"2016-11-16T14:32:44","modified_gmt":"2016-11-16T19:32:44","slug":"handling-difficult-relative","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/11\/handling-difficult-relative.html","title":{"rendered":"Handling That Difficult Relative"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-4399\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2013\/03\/couple-fighting-300x199.jpg\" alt=\"couple fighting\" width=\"300\" height=\"199\" \/>We all have them&#8211;one or more people in the family that make life difficult. A controlling in-law, a rebellious child, a loud and obnoxious uncle, or maybe the gossiping aunt. They come in all sizes and shapes. And every holiday season, we have to be intentional about how we are going to handle difficult relatives.<\/p>\n<p>Here are 5 tips to a better holiday with family:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Evaluate your expectations.<\/strong> Are they realistic? If you are expecting this to be the most wonderful time of the year and family members are rude, irritating or inconsiderate, it won&#8217;t be. Assess the strengths\u00a0and weaknesses of your family. Don&#8217;t ignore the problems. Instead, have a plan to deal with the issues that will most likely surface\u00a0and be realistic about how much change is possible this time of year.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Anticipate the triggers and prepare in advance how you want to respond. \u00a0<\/strong>Most of us know the issues that upset us\u00a0and turn into\u00a0fights and arguments. This year, prepare a new way to respond that doesn&#8217;t lead to arguments. For example, when Uncle Bob starts lambasting you about the election simply say, &#8220;Well we all know where you stand. Thanks for letting us know,&#8221; rather than argue. If you respond in a new way, the interaction will be different.<\/li>\n<li><strong>If there is too much drinking, fighting, or negativity, plan an escape.<\/strong> Go for a walk, a movie, visit a friend and take a break. If your family is too volatile, don&#8217;t stay with them. Book a hotel and allow yourself freedom to come and go.\u00a0The idea here is be a part of the holidays, but have clear boundaries and a\u00a0ways to take a time-out if needed.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Pray before and during your time together.<\/strong> Prayer is a powerful way to center yourself, to ask God to help you be merciful and give grace. Lean on Him. He promises to be a help in times of trouble. So let&#8217;s ask him, by the power of the Holy Spirit in us, to give us what we need to best represent Christ.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Make this year a challenge&#8211;<\/strong>the year you don&#8217;t lose it, the year you stay calm, the year you exercise forgiveness and refuse to take offense. Challenge yourself to control your reactions and work on the parts of you that contribute to problems. After all, that is the only part you control anyway!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We all have them&#8211;one or more people in the family that make life difficult. A controlling in-law, a rebellious child, a loud and obnoxious uncle, or maybe the gossiping aunt. They come in all sizes and shapes. And every holiday season, we have to be intentional about how we are going to handle difficult relatives.&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[2666,3665,2626,678,644],"class_list":["post-8640","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-difficult-family","tag-difficult-relatives","tag-family-and-the-holidays","tag-family-conflict","tag-family-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Handling That Difficult Relative<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/11\/handling-difficult-relative.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Handling That Difficult Relative\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We all have them&#8211;one or more people in the family that make life difficult. A controlling in-law, a rebellious child, a loud and obnoxious uncle, or maybe the gossiping aunt. They come in all sizes and shapes. And every holiday season, we have to be intentional about how we are going to handle difficult relatives.&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/11\/handling-difficult-relative.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-11-22T11:00:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-11-16T19:32:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/03\/couple-fighting-300x199.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Handling That Difficult Relative","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/11\/handling-difficult-relative.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Handling That Difficult Relative","og_description":"We all have them&#8211;one or more people in the family that make life difficult. 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Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8640","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8640"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8640\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8743,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8640\/revisions\/8743"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8640"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8640"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8640"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}