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Families stir up all kinds of emotions in us. Anger is one of those emotions that seems to rear its ugly head too often in family\u00a0relationships. We often get angry because we don’t feel our needs are being met or we think we are being treated poorly. When\u00a0we try to deal with problems, we find the process difficult.<\/p>\n
Most of us want to be grown ups and handle our emotions in a mature way. Sometimes that requires us to look to the past before we can manage our present emotions. If you and your parents\u00a0have a number of unresolved issues from the past, they will follow you into the present if you don’t intentionally deal with them.<\/p>\n
Your anger can be\u00a0triggered from past hurts that you’ve yet to discuss or work through with them. If this is the case, you have two choices: 1) Choose to forgive past hurts and stop holding on to those issue. 2) And\/or confront the issues and try to make peace. Keep in mind that it takes one person to forgive (you) and two people to reconcile (you and your parent). So if your parents\u00a0won’t confront an issue, are\u00a0in denial about it or refuse to address it, forgiveness is as far as you can go. That’s OK because it will move you out of that angry place.<\/p>\n
Regardless of how we perceive\u00a0our parents (good, bad or indifferent), or what reality may be for us, we are challenged to make the first move towards reconciliation. Clients\u00a0often say to me, “If they hurt me, they\u00a0should make\u00a0the move first to forgive.” My response is usually, “Only children fight about who goes first! And in the words of Nike, Just of it!”<\/p>\n
If you want to rid yourself of anger and start improving your relationships, practice\u00a0these six points:<\/em><\/p>\n 1) Your parents aren’t\u00a0perfect and never will be. Stop wishing they\u00a0would be different–wishful thinking\u00a0keeps anger going and fuels upset. Let it go. Grieve losses and become more realistic.<\/p>\n 2) They\u00a0made mistakes that require your forgiveness. Forgive\u00a0and acknowledge they are human just like the rest of us. Holding on to unforgiveness hurts you as well. It festers, turns to bitterness and impacts your physical and relationship health.<\/p>\n 3) Try to be\u00a0empathetic and extend grace. It wasn’t easy raising you. Be more aware of their perspective, stresses, and coping skills. When you are a parent, you quickly gain respect for the difficulty of the job. Some of us were better prepared by our original families for the job of parenting than others. Grace is often needed.<\/p>\n 4) Try to understand them\u00a0\u00a0better as people–did things happen in their\u00a0lives that influence how they\u00a0react to you? Listening to their life stories often helps with empathy. Their stories don’t excuse bad behavior, but \u00a0do help you understand\u00a0them better as people.<\/p>\n 5) Try to work on unresolved hurts. You may need the help of a therapist. When conflict is high and difficult, bringing in a third party is not only biblical, \u00a0but helpful. Clearing the air, clears the path for better relationships.<\/p>\n 6) You can’t change them, but you can change your response to them. Work on your reactions no matter how difficult you find theirs. You are responsible for how your react to difficult people. Their behavior doesn’t excuse yours.<\/p>\n Take a deep breath, calm down, and work on this intimate connection. It\u2019s a prototype for all others. The better you respond to your parents, the better friend, partner and person you will be.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Families stir up all kinds of emotions in us. Anger is one of those emotions that seems to rear its ugly head too often in family\u00a0relationships. We often get angry because we don’t feel our needs are being met or we think we are being treated poorly. When\u00a0we try to deal with problems, we find…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[75,3522,2647,644],"class_list":["post-8197","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-anger","tag-difficult-parents","tag-family-problems","tag-family-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\n