{"id":8159,"date":"2016-05-09T07:00:22","date_gmt":"2016-05-09T11:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=8159"},"modified":"2016-05-07T08:30:49","modified_gmt":"2016-05-07T12:30:49","slug":"does-couples-therapy-really-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/05\/does-couples-therapy-really-work.html","title":{"rendered":"Does Couple’s Therapy Really Work?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"ID-100122426\"<\/a>Rick and Sue announced their marital separation.\u00a0As we talked, I asked, “Have you ever been to a couple’s therapist to try and work out your problems?” Their answer, “Yes, we tried, it didn’t work.”<\/p>\n

“Can you give me a few details?”<\/p>\n

“Well we went one time when\u00a0we decided to\u00a0separate. The therapist\u00a0wanted to see us\u00a0individually but we\u00a0felt\u00a0it was\u00a0 too late.”<\/p>\n

But\u00a0was it? One of the main reasons couples divorce is because they wait too long to get help. Couples who need help, don’t get it. And those who could benefit, wait until they have already decided it is too late. And yet there is help that could possible prevent a number of divorces.<\/p>\n

For example, let’s look at a\u00a0few predictors of divorce and how those issues could be addressed:<\/p>\n

1) Those couples who react\u00a0strongly to disagreement and remain upset, have high\u00a0stress levels. If they ruminate about arguments and can’t turn off their upset, they are more likely to divorce. Couples therapy teaches couples how to recognize the escalation of disagreement, calm it down and resolve conflict. This is a helpful skill no matter\u00a0the relationship.<\/p>\n

2) Negative communication is a sign of a failing relationship. Again we know that when couples engage in whining, criticism, irritation, resentment, accusations, etc., the relationship will turn negative. The escalation of negativity takes a progressive path towards emotional distance. \u00a0Emotional distance predicts divorce. A couple’s therapist knows how to reverse that and help the couple build back positivity in the relationship.<\/p>\n

3) Receiving formal feedback regarding a couple’s progress in therapy has been shown to lower separation and divorce rates (Anker, Duncan &Sparks, 2009). This means going to counseling, working through issues with someone who can give feedback and comment on progress, helps work through issues.<\/p>\n

4) Finding the right therapist matters. First you need someone trained in couples work. If they are a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), they have to pass training and supervision requirements to be a couple’s therapist. Some therapist do couples work but have little training in that area. Also there is evidence supporting the idea that a couple’s therapist who places\u00a0a positive versus neutral value on marriage commitment is\u00a0a good choice. The person will be supportive of marriage. And there is a positive correlation between the therapist’s well-being and couple outcome. So finding the right therapist is extremely important.<\/p>\n

Can couple’s therapy work? Yes, but couples have to agree to work on their relationship and\u00a0apply what is being practiced in the sessions. Couples do best to engage in therapy before the distress is severe. The earlier the intervention, the better. Many divorces are preventable.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rick and Sue announced their marital separation.\u00a0As we talked, I asked, “Have you ever been to a couple’s therapist to try and work out your problems?” Their answer, “Yes, we tried, it didn’t work.” “Can you give me a few details?” “Well we went one time when\u00a0we decided to\u00a0separate. The therapist\u00a0wanted to see us\u00a0individually but…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[128,1144,132,125,3411,921,1145],"class_list":["post-8159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-couples","tag-couples-therapy","tag-divorce","tag-marriage","tag-marriage-therapy","tag-preventing-divorce","tag-separation"],"yoast_head":"\nDoes Couple's Therapy Really Work?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/05\/does-couples-therapy-really-work.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Does Couple's Therapy Really Work?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Rick and Sue announced their marital separation.\u00a0As we talked, I asked, “Have you ever been to a couple’s therapist to try and work out your problems?” Their answer, “Yes, we tried, it didn’t work.” “Can you give me a few details?” “Well we went one time when\u00a0we decided to\u00a0separate. 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Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. 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