{"id":8041,"date":"2016-03-23T06:51:28","date_gmt":"2016-03-23T10:51:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=8041"},"modified":"2016-03-23T06:51:28","modified_gmt":"2016-03-23T10:51:28","slug":"7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html","title":{"rendered":"7 Ways to Deal with a Difficult Person"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.freedigitalphotos.net\/images\/agree-terms.php?id=10054899\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-8043\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2016\/03\/ID-10054899-300x227.jpg\" alt=\"ID-10054899\" width=\"300\" height=\"227\" \/><\/a>When Sharon talked to me, she was at her wits end with her friend, Ann. Ann is moody, unstable and easily upset. When Ann is upset, she has an intensity that makes Sharon uncomfortable. Ann\u2019s angry outbursts often result in threats to leave the friendship or to do something impulsive.<\/p>\n<p>People like Ann are difficult for a number of reasons. They react in extreme ways and have trouble regulating their emotions. They don\u2019t tolerate distress well and see things in black and white terms. Their intensity is exhausting. So what is the best way to react to someone like Ann?<\/p>\n<p>Here are 7\u00a0tips:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Stay calm and do not match their intensity<\/strong>. If you start to escalate with a person like this, it won\u2019t go well. Staying calm is key to diffusing a high intensity person. You may say, \u201cHey, we BOTH need to calm down right now. Let\u2019s take a break and come back to this issue later.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Choose your battles<\/strong>. With a difficult person, conflict can come out of nowhere. It\u2019s as if they are looking for a fight or disagreement. So, if the issue isn\u2019t that important or you are not up for the fight, drop the issue. Don\u2019t respond to insults or attempts to engage you in something that is not worth the effort. Carefully choose the issues you want to confront.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Manage your own thoughts and feelings<\/strong>. Even if the other person is out of control, concentrate on how you respond. Distract your thoughts by counting to 5 in Spanish\u2014a behavior that will disengage the feeling part of your brain and reengage the thinking part. This helps you calm down. Then take a deep breath and tell yourself to focus on your response.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Set boundaries<\/strong>. If the person is escalating or personally demeaning to you, stop the conversation and say, \u201cI am not comfortable with things that are being said. We need to stop for now.\u201d Stick to your guns!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Stay focused on the issue<\/strong>. The person may try to emotionally upset you but stick to the issue at hand. Think like a detective\u2014only the facts. Stay away from emotional talk and bring the conversation back to a behavior or change that is needed.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Pray for wisdom<\/strong>. With a difficult person, you don\u2019t want to keep responding the same way that gets poor results. So look at your part of interaction and think about how you can respond differently. But remember that even though you change your response, the other person likes the familiarity of the old way to fight or bring up conflict. So they may try to get you to change back to the old pattern. Stay firm in your resolve.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Be patient<\/strong>. Change is slow with difficult people as they will keep testing you to go back to old patterns of relating that are not healthy\u2014yelling, calling names, accusing, etc. So concentrate on the way you respond and keep practicing that behavior until you see a change.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When Sharon talked to me, she was at her wits end with her friend, Ann. Ann is moody, unstable and easily upset. When Ann is upset, she has an intensity that makes Sharon uncomfortable. Ann\u2019s angry outbursts often result in threats to leave the friendship or to do something impulsive. People like Ann are difficult&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[503,3495,3497,3496],"class_list":["post-8041","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-conflict","tag-difficult-person","tag-friend-relationship","tag-personality-disorders"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>7 Ways to Deal with a Difficult Person<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"7 Ways to Deal with a Difficult Person\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When Sharon talked to me, she was at her wits end with her friend, Ann. Ann is moody, unstable and easily upset. When Ann is upset, she has an intensity that makes Sharon uncomfortable. Ann\u2019s angry outbursts often result in threats to leave the friendship or to do something impulsive. People like Ann are difficult&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-03-23T10:51:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/03\/ID-10054899-300x227.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"7 Ways to Deal with a Difficult Person","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"7 Ways to Deal with a Difficult Person","og_description":"When Sharon talked to me, she was at her wits end with her friend, Ann. Ann is moody, unstable and easily upset. When Ann is upset, she has an intensity that makes Sharon uncomfortable. Ann\u2019s angry outbursts often result in threats to leave the friendship or to do something impulsive. People like Ann are difficult&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2016-03-23T10:51:28+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/03\/ID-10054899-300x227.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html","name":"7 Ways to Deal with a Difficult Person","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/03\/ID-10054899-300x227.jpg","datePublished":"2016-03-23T10:51:28+00:00","dateModified":"2016-03-23T10:51:28+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/03\/ID-10054899-300x227.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/03\/ID-10054899-300x227.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/03\/7-ways-to-deal-with-a-difficult-person.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"7 Ways to Deal with a Difficult Person"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice &amp; Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8041","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8041"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8041\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8044,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8041\/revisions\/8044"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8041"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8041"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8041"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}