{"id":7943,"date":"2016-02-19T07:00:21","date_gmt":"2016-02-19T12:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=7943"},"modified":"2016-02-13T08:32:42","modified_gmt":"2016-02-13T13:32:42","slug":"10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html","title":{"rendered":"10 Questions Towards Healing From an Affair"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.freedigitalphotos.net\/images\/agree-terms.php?id=100147970\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-7946\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2016\/02\/ID-100147970-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"ID-100147970\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/><\/a>Affairs are devastating. When they do happen, the question most often asked is, \u201cShould I try to work through the betrayal\u00a0and give the person another chance?\u201d The answer depends on a number of factors that can be determined by these 10 points.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#1 Don\u2019t react impulsively to the news of betrayal.<\/strong> Slow down and consider what is at stake. Infidelity, while hurtful and devastating, doesn\u2019t have to mean the end of a relationship. Many people work through the breach of trust and come out stronger in the end.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#2 Is there repentance by the person who had the affair?<\/strong> If not, it is very difficult to make repair. But if the person is genuinely sorry and repentant, there should be a sincere apology and request for forgiveness. This is marked by true humility.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#3 Is there a willingness to work on the relationship and try to reconcile?<\/strong> If both partners are willing to work on the relationship by acknowledging their shortcomings,\u00a0there is the possibility of rebuilding trust and growing in intimacy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#4\u00a0What is behind the cheating?<\/strong> I know, you may not care because the breach is so painful, but most cheating comes out of\u00a0relationship problems that need some attention. Clearly, cheating is a choice made by one person, but it is often driven by\u00a0issues in the relationship\u00a0that need to be addressed. The person who had the affair still takes full responsibility for turning to someone other than his\/her partner.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#5 Is the person who had the affair wiling to cut off all contact with the cheating person?<\/strong> This is absolutely necessary for the repair to work. If the affair happened at work, consider changing jobs or ensure the least amount of contact possible.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#6 Is their a commitment to complete honesty in talking through the breach of covenant?<\/strong> The person who had the affair must be willing to answer any and all questions about the affair and be honest. Some people want a great deal of detail and others do not. Whatever your partner needs to heal, this needs to happen.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#7 Is the\u00a0betrayer willing to provide lots of reassurance that he\/she is being faithful?<\/strong>\u00a0This may require phone calls regarding late meetings, delays in coming home, questions asking where the person has been, has he\/she seen the person who had the affair, etc. Until the betrayed feels confident, these questions and check points may continue.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#8 Are you\u00a0prepared for feelings of post traumatic stresslike symptoms?<\/strong>\u00a0The depth of the betrayal can be triggered at the mention of the name, anniversaries, and other situations that are reminders.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#9 Are you willing to allow plenty of time to heal and rebuild trust?<\/strong> There is no substitute for time to prove that the betrayer has made a turn in behavior and can now be trusted. A partner who is impatient and wants you to \u201cbe over this already\u201d does not understand the healing process. It takes time to regain trust.<\/p>\n<p><strong>#10\u00a0Are you willing to let it go?<\/strong> Once the healing process has happened, do not use the affair as a club over the person\u2019s head. Forgiven is forgiven and while trust takes time to rebuild, using the affair as a weapon against the other person will only deepen the wound.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Affairs are devastating. When they do happen, the question most often asked is, \u201cShould I try to work through the betrayal\u00a0and give the person another chance?\u201d The answer depends on a number of factors that can be determined by these 10 points. #1 Don\u2019t react impulsively to the news of betrayal. Slow down and consider&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913],"tags":[1016,1973,1327,1328],"class_list":["post-7943","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","tag-affairs","tag-betrayal","tag-cheating","tag-infidelity"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>10 Questions Towards Healing From an Affair<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"10 Questions Towards Healing From an Affair\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Affairs are devastating. When they do happen, the question most often asked is, \u201cShould I try to work through the betrayal\u00a0and give the person another chance?\u201d The answer depends on a number of factors that can be determined by these 10 points. #1 Don\u2019t react impulsively to the news of betrayal. Slow down and consider&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-02-19T12:00:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-02-13T13:32:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/02\/ID-100147970-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"10 Questions Towards Healing From an Affair","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"10 Questions Towards Healing From an Affair","og_description":"Affairs are devastating. When they do happen, the question most often asked is, \u201cShould I try to work through the betrayal\u00a0and give the person another chance?\u201d The answer depends on a number of factors that can be determined by these 10 points. #1 Don\u2019t react impulsively to the news of betrayal. Slow down and consider&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2016-02-19T12:00:21+00:00","article_modified_time":"2016-02-13T13:32:42+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/02\/ID-100147970-300x200.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html","name":"10 Questions Towards Healing From an Affair","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/02\/ID-100147970-300x200.jpg","datePublished":"2016-02-19T12:00:21+00:00","dateModified":"2016-02-13T13:32:42+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/02\/ID-100147970-300x200.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2016\/02\/ID-100147970-300x200.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2016\/02\/10-questions-towards-healing-from-an-affair.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"10 Questions Towards Healing From an Affair"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice &amp; Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. 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