{"id":7400,"date":"2015-08-06T07:00:54","date_gmt":"2015-08-06T11:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=7400"},"modified":"2015-08-02T15:17:15","modified_gmt":"2015-08-02T19:17:15","slug":"6-tips-to-reduce-conflict-with-an-ex-over-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/08\/6-tips-to-reduce-conflict-with-an-ex-over-kids.html","title":{"rendered":"6 Tips to Reduce Conflict With an EX Over Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"ID-100186774\"<\/a>Most of you are concerned about the effects of divorce on the adjustment of your children. You want to do whatever possible to help them adjust. You already feel guilty about putting children through the ordeal of divorce.<\/p>\n

A good place to begin is to reduce the conflict between you and your ex-spouse. I know you are thinking, \u201c If I could do this, I wouldn\u2019t be divorced!\u201d Possibly, but you still have to work on it for the sake of your kids.<\/p>\n

Here are 6 tips to work on conflict resolution with an ex:<\/p>\n

1) Try to resolve whatever unresolved feelings remain towards your ex. It\u2019s time to bury the multiple hatchets. Forgiveness is key.<\/p>\n

2) Remind yourself that no matter how you feel about your ex, he\/she is your child\u2019s parent. That fact doesn\u2019t change. Build\u00a0positive exchanges around parenting issues. It’s not about the two of you now but about the kids. This will help build positive feelings in the child as well.<\/p>\n

3) Stay humble; putting your needs aside for the sake of your children requires sacrifice.<\/p>\n

4) If you didn\u2019t have great role models for interpersonal skills in marriage, go to seminars, be open to change and learn to better communicate. This will help all<\/span> your relationships.<\/p>\n

5) Keep children out of what therapists call an unhealthy triangle. A triangle forms when two people have difficulty communicating or dealing with conflict directly and bring in a third person. The third person deflects the problem and becomes the focus on attention. The third person is often the child of warring parents. The child is caught in the middle. \u00a0So deal with your ex no matter how tempting it is to go through your\u00a0child.<\/p>\n

6) Decide how much contact to have with each other. If negotiations can\u2019t be reached, parents who bring in the legal system are opening up an adversarial process that usually results in more conflict. This may be needed in high conflict divorces, especially when violence, drug abuse, mental illness, etc. are involved, but do what you can to work things out apart from the legal system.<\/p>\n

Adapted from We Need to Talk<\/a> by Dr. Linda Mintle (Baker, 2015)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most of you are concerned about the effects of divorce on the adjustment of your children. You want to do whatever possible to help them adjust. You already feel guilty about putting children through the ordeal of divorce. A good place to begin is to reduce the conflict between you and your ex-spouse. I know…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[1554,503,132,3358,505,3357,3359],"class_list":["post-7400","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-children-of-divorce","tag-conflict","tag-divorce","tag-divorce-negotiations","tag-divorced-couples","tag-ex","tag-mediating-conflict"],"yoast_head":"\n6 Tips to Reduce Conflict With an EX Over Kids<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/08\/6-tips-to-reduce-conflict-with-an-ex-over-kids.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"6 Tips to Reduce Conflict With an EX Over Kids\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Most of you are concerned about the effects of divorce on the adjustment of your children. You want to do whatever possible to help them adjust. You already feel guilty about putting children through the ordeal of divorce. A good place to begin is to reduce the conflict between you and your ex-spouse. I know…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/08\/6-tips-to-reduce-conflict-with-an-ex-over-kids.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-08-06T11:00:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-08-02T19:17:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2015\/08\/ID-100186774-300x200.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"6 Tips to Reduce Conflict With an EX Over Kids","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/08\/6-tips-to-reduce-conflict-with-an-ex-over-kids.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"6 Tips to Reduce Conflict With an EX Over Kids","og_description":"Most of you are concerned about the effects of divorce on the adjustment of your children. 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