{"id":7119,"date":"2015-05-13T06:00:52","date_gmt":"2015-05-13T10:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=7119"},"modified":"2015-05-13T07:06:52","modified_gmt":"2015-05-13T11:06:52","slug":"parenting-the-cost-of-too-high-expectations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/05\/parenting-the-cost-of-too-high-expectations.html","title":{"rendered":"Parenting: The Cost of Too High Expectations"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"2<\/a>Rita, like so many daughters, came to therapy because of a tense relationship with her parents. Rita feels her parents’\u00a0expectations are too high and\u00a0she can never measure up.<\/p>\n

Expectations, when too high or out of line with a child’s true desires and goals, can cause anxiety and unnecessary pressure. I often see this in daughters who have eating disorders. Either they believe they must be perfect in all they do or they have received that message from their families. These girls are highly anxious, constantly worried that they may fail and never measure up to the self-imposed or family imposed standards of perfection. Expectations are unrealistic.<\/p>\n

As children\u00a0become more independent and autonomous with their parents, some discover that the push for autonomy is not always welcomed. Their desires may be met with resistance. In fact, children\u00a0may act out or become disobedience in order to test their emerging confidence and autonomy.<\/p>\n

As children\u00a0look to parents\u00a0to confirm their sense of self and growing independence, they expect to be reinforced in their efforts. When moms and dads don’t do this, children\u00a0may try to please their parents\u00a0by living out their\u00a0dreams in order to receive approval. In the long run, this creates resentment and restlessness.<\/p>\n

Parents\u00a0have to be so careful not to force their dreams on their children\u00a0in small, subtle ways. There is such a fine line between motivating a child\u00a0to new things and pushing the parents\u2019\u00a0expectations.<\/p>\n

So parents, reassess your expectations. Are you asking your children\u00a0to live up to your dreams and ideals? Or are you helping them\u00a0sort out their\u00a0own desire’s and fulfill their\u00a0dreams?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rita, like so many daughters, came to therapy because of a tense relationship with her parents. Rita feels her parents’\u00a0expectations are too high and\u00a0she can never measure up. Expectations, when too high or out of line with a child’s true desires and goals, can cause anxiety and unnecessary pressure. I often see this in daughters…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[458,3267,52,3266],"class_list":["post-7119","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-eating-disorders","tag-parental-expectations","tag-parenting-2","tag-perfection"],"yoast_head":"\nParenting: The Cost of Too High Expectations<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/05\/parenting-the-cost-of-too-high-expectations.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Parenting: The Cost of Too High Expectations\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Rita, like so many daughters, came to therapy because of a tense relationship with her parents. Rita feels her parents’\u00a0expectations are too high and\u00a0she can never measure up. Expectations, when too high or out of line with a child’s true desires and goals, can cause anxiety and unnecessary pressure. I often see this in daughters…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/05\/parenting-the-cost-of-too-high-expectations.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-05-13T10:00:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-05-13T11:06:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/02\/2-teens-199x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Parenting: The Cost of Too High Expectations","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/05\/parenting-the-cost-of-too-high-expectations.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Parenting: The Cost of Too High Expectations","og_description":"Rita, like so many daughters, came to therapy because of a tense relationship with her parents. 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