{"id":7028,"date":"2015-03-18T06:00:47","date_gmt":"2015-03-18T10:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=7028"},"modified":"2015-03-19T07:41:05","modified_gmt":"2015-03-19T11:41:05","slug":"whats-your-attachment-style-in-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/whats-your-attachment-style-in-conflict.html","title":{"rendered":"What’s Your Attachment Style in Conflict?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Attachment<\/a>We all develop an insecure or secure bond with our original families. That bond is referred to as an attachment style. The more secure the bond, the better you will deal with conflict.<\/p>\n

Two bonding styles make conflict difficult–anxious and avoidant.\u00a0To feel more secure you want to lower your anxiety and stop avoiding. So take a look at these attachment styles and see where you tend to fall.\u00a0These are general descriptions. You may lean toward one style more than another.<\/p>\n

<\/h2>\n

1. Secure Type (Low Avoidance, Low Anxiety)<\/h2>\n

Secure people .\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/p>\n

are generally happy in their relationships<\/p>\n

are sensitive and responsive to others<\/p>\n

think of connection as comfort and support<\/p>\n

feel loved, accepted, and competent<\/p>\n

can bring up issues and don\u2019t worry that their relationships are at stake<\/p>\n

listen, value, and have empathy for other people<\/p>\n

2. Preoccupied Type (Low Avoidance, High Anxiety)<\/h2>\n

Preoccupied people\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/p>\n

worry about what others think of them<\/p>\n

don\u2019t consider their own thoughts and feelings<\/p>\n

need to be close to others but do it in a clingy way<\/p>\n

need validation and approval<\/p>\n

are concerned that others don\u2019t value them<\/p>\n

doubt their own worth in relationships<\/p>\n

3. Dismissing-Avoidant Type (High Avoidance, Low Anxiety)<\/h2>\n

Dismissive and avoidant people\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/p>\n

deny their need to be close to others<\/p>\n

need to feel independent and self-sufficient<\/p>\n

minimize how important relationships are<\/p>\n

hide their feelings from self and others<\/p>\n

think of others in less than positive ways<\/p>\n

cope by distancing<\/p>\n

4. Fearful-Avoidant Type (High Avoidance, High Anxiety)<\/h2>\n

Fearful, avoidant people\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.<\/p>\n

think of themselves as flawed, dependent, and helpless<\/p>\n

think they are not worth loving or being cared about<\/p>\n

don\u2019t trust others<\/p>\n

expect to be hurt<\/p>\n

want to be close to others but fear this<\/p>\n

avoid intimacy<\/p>\n

suppress feelings<\/p>\n

Now that you know your attachment style, take the free conflict style quiz<\/a>!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Source: Adapted from We Need to Talk<\/a> by Dr. Linda Mintle (Baker, 2015)<\/p>\n

Attachment styles: Kim Bartholomew and Leonard Horowitz, “Attachment Styles Among Young Adults: A Test of a Four Category Model. ” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 61 (1991): 226-44.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We all develop an insecure or secure bond with our original families. That bond is referred to as an attachment style. The more secure the bond, the better you will deal with conflict. Two bonding styles make conflict difficult–anxious and avoidant.\u00a0To feel more secure you want to lower your anxiety and stop avoiding. So take…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[3235,503,897,3237,3236],"class_list":["post-7028","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-attachment-styles","tag-conflict","tag-dealing-with-conflict","tag-insecure","tag-secure"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat's Your Attachment Style in Conflict?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/whats-your-attachment-style-in-conflict.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What's Your Attachment Style in Conflict?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We all develop an insecure or secure bond with our original families. 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Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. 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