{"id":7004,"date":"2015-03-04T06:30:14","date_gmt":"2015-03-04T11:30:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=7004"},"modified":"2015-03-01T06:30:25","modified_gmt":"2015-03-01T11:30:25","slug":"we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html","title":{"rendered":"We Need to Talk: How to Successfully Navigating Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Print\"<\/a>Jim and Rachel are at it again. They can’t seem to agree on so many issues and all the fighting is taking a toll. Like so many of us, this couple needs help navigating conflict in a way that grows, not destroys, their relationship.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe need to talk\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s amazing how these four short words can stop a conversation and grip us with momentary anxiety. Let\u2019s be honest, these words usually mean something is wrong and we are about to go into the world of feelings, a place not everyone likes to visit. If you are smart, you won\u2019t begin a conversation with these four words. The phrase \u201cWe need to talk\u201d puts most of us on the defensive.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe need to talk\u201d takes time and energy. It can be exhausting and doesn\u2019t always end with a quick fix. But the idea behind \u201cWe need to talk\u201d is important to making our relationships work. It\u2019s our cue that something needs to be addressed.<\/p>\n

How do you respond to these four words? Take the free conflict style assessment<\/a> to find out. Do you embrace the idea or run for the hills?<\/p>\n

One reason this phrase makes our hearts skip a beat is because so many of us are uncomfortable working through relationship conflicts. For whatever reasons, we don\u2019t have the confidence that we can face conflict without causing more problems. And we don\u2019t like the way conflict makes us feel.<\/p>\n

But conflict is woven into our daily lives. It shows up often\u2014in political arguments, disagreements with co-workers, fights with siblings, and marital bickering. Its consequences can bring the end of a marriage, friction between friends, or loss of a job. Thus, this ever-present conflict can keep us stuck or it can provide growth in our relationships. To deal with conflict, we do need to talk.<\/p>\n

Conflict is a part of all close relationship. Under the right conditions, conflict can grow intimacy and bring satisfaction to relationships. And in unhappy relationships, conflict escalates problems and distress and needs to be addressed.<\/p>\n

Conflict is difficult to handle because it involves other people, and we can\u2019t fully control other people. While that reality makes us uncomfortable and complicates things, we do control our part<\/em> in any conflict situation. Our reactions matter when we need to talk. We focus on the part we control, not on what someone else is doing or not doing. This shift in focus is critical.<\/p>\n

In the best of situations, confronting conflict brings positive results. Relief is felt once the issue is addressed. We learn more about ourselves and more about others. We see that relationships can be repaired, people can reconcile, and problems can be solved. A deeper understanding, closeness, and mutual respect can develop when we do talk.<\/p>\n

Dr. Linda Mintle’s book, We Need to Talk<\/a> is now available.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jim and Rachel are at it again. They can’t seem to agree on so many issues and all the fighting is taking a toll. Like so many of us, this couple needs help navigating conflict in a way that grows, not destroys, their relationship. \u201cWe need to talk\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u201d It\u2019s amazing how these four short words…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913],"tags":[503,1054,678,1158,2653,3227],"class_list":["post-7004","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","tag-conflict","tag-couple-conflict","tag-family-conflict","tag-marital-conflict","tag-relationship-conflict","tag-we-need-to-talk"],"yoast_head":"\nWe Need to Talk: How to Successfully Navigating Conflict<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"We Need to Talk: How to Successfully Navigating Conflict\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Jim and Rachel are at it again. They can’t seem to agree on so many issues and all the fighting is taking a toll. Like so many of us, this couple needs help navigating conflict in a way that grows, not destroys, their relationship. \u201cWe need to talk\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u201d It\u2019s amazing how these four short words…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-03-04T11:30:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-03-01T11:30:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2015\/03\/We-Need-to-Talk-194x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"We Need to Talk: How to Successfully Navigating Conflict","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"We Need to Talk: How to Successfully Navigating Conflict","og_description":"Jim and Rachel are at it again. They can’t seem to agree on so many issues and all the fighting is taking a toll. Like so many of us, this couple needs help navigating conflict in a way that grows, not destroys, their relationship. \u201cWe need to talk\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u201d It\u2019s amazing how these four short words…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2015-03-04T11:30:14+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-03-01T11:30:25+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2015\/03\/We-Need-to-Talk-194x300.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html","name":"We Need to Talk: How to Successfully Navigating Conflict","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2015\/03\/We-Need-to-Talk-194x300.jpg","datePublished":"2015-03-04T11:30:14+00:00","dateModified":"2015-03-01T11:30:25+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2015\/03\/We-Need-to-Talk-194x300.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2015\/03\/We-Need-to-Talk-194x300.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2015\/03\/we-need-to-talk-how-to-successfully-navigating-conflict.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"We Need to Talk: How to Successfully Navigating Conflict"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice & Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7004","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7004"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7004\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7006,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7004\/revisions\/7006"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7004"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7004"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7004"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}