{"id":5911,"date":"2014-02-24T07:00:34","date_gmt":"2014-02-24T12:00:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=5911"},"modified":"2014-02-13T10:13:16","modified_gmt":"2014-02-13T15:13:16","slug":"five-tips-to-help-your-child-adjust-to-a-stepparent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2014\/02\/five-tips-to-help-your-child-adjust-to-a-stepparent.html","title":{"rendered":"Five Tips to Help Your Child Adjust to a Stepparent"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"ID-10041666\"<\/a>Terry slouched on my therapy couch and mumbled, \u201cMy mom has a new husband. She wants me to be nice to him, but I don\u2019t feel like being nice. I\u2019m sick and tired of not seeing my dad. I don\u2019t like this strange guy walking around my house and telling me he\u2019s my friend. He\u2019s not my friend. He\u2019s a stranger. I want my dad back.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The challenge of living with a stepparent requires time and patience from all family members. Suddenly there is a stranger sharing the bathroom, giving directions, and checking your homework. Mom or dad is no longer exclusively yours. One parent\u2019s daily presence is lost. Holidays become complicated. And what do you call this new person who shows up at the breakfast table with habits that annoy you?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

From the child\u2019s point of view, his\/her family has been torn apart and replaced with another. This loss and new arrangement were not by choice. Feelings of anger linger long after the parents\u2019 divorce is final. If the child hasn\u2019t openly worked through anger and unforgiveness towards the original parents, these feelings carry over to the blended family.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, what can parents do to help children adjust to newly formed families?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

1) Ask God for wisdom to discern the needs of your children. The remarried couple is delighted to put their former marriages behind them and is hopeful about the future. Children of divorce are not in the same place. Often their feelings of rejection intensify when strangers enter the family. Remarried adults must constantly ask, \u201cWhat are the needs of the children?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

2) Blended families should not pretend to be a replacement family for children. The reality is that children lose a parent and parents gain a new partner. You must continually talk about this fact. Encourage emotional expression. Reassure the children that no matter what they feel, you can handle it and will deal with it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3) Be patient. While stepchildren need to be helped through the transition of blending a family, don\u2019t force closeness. It takes time for a child to get to know a new adult and feel comfortable having him or her in the house. It is normal for a child to want the original family back so he\/she doesn\u2019t have to divide loyalties, visitation, and important dates.<\/span><\/p>\n

4) Be careful to give children privacy when it comes to their physical bodies.\u00a0 As stepparents, you did not change their diapers, tuck them into bed every night, and you are not biologically related. Therefore, you must be extra sensitive to appropriate physical boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n

5) Keep God the center of family life. He is your constant source of strength and healing. Be a family who prays and commits to working through even the toughest emotions and disappointments.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Terry slouched on my therapy couch and mumbled, \u201cMy mom has a new husband. She wants me to be nice to him, but I don\u2019t feel like being nice. I\u2019m sick and tired of not seeing my dad. I don\u2019t like this strange guy walking around my house and telling me he\u2019s my friend. He\u2019s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[1818,132,644,2750,1820,2751],"class_list":["post-5911","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-blended-families","tag-divorce","tag-family-relationships","tag-remarriage","tag-step-parenting","tag-step-parents"],"yoast_head":"\nFive Tips to Help Your Child Adjust to a Stepparent<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2014\/02\/five-tips-to-help-your-child-adjust-to-a-stepparent.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Five Tips to Help Your Child Adjust to a Stepparent\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Terry slouched on my therapy couch and mumbled, \u201cMy mom has a new husband. She wants me to be nice to him, but I don\u2019t feel like being nice. I\u2019m sick and tired of not seeing my dad. I don\u2019t like this strange guy walking around my house and telling me he\u2019s my friend. 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