{"id":5663,"date":"2013-12-05T08:00:07","date_gmt":"2013-12-05T13:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/doinglifetogether\/?p=5663"},"modified":"2013-12-04T13:32:48","modified_gmt":"2013-12-04T18:32:48","slug":"are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html","title":{"rendered":"Are You in a Spending Competition for Your Kids During the Holidays?"},"content":{"rendered":"
    \n
  1. \"child<\/a><\/b>I am divorced and think my ex spends way too much money on Christmas gifts for our two young kids. This is causing tension between us. It feels like a competition I can\u2019t win. I find myself spending too much because I don\u2019t want to look cheap. He has more money than I do. I think he buys the kids expensive gifts because he feels guilty for leaving. How do I get him to be more reasonable? <\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

    Getting along with an ex seems to require more intention during the holiday season. To deal with this issue, you need a no competition rule. Instead of trying to one up each other, focus more on how to make the time with the children meaningful and pleasant. Both of you must work together for the sake of the children instead of using them to make a point.<\/p>\n

    Meet your ex for coffee and talk about gift giving and see if you can work together on a gift list for the kids. If you can\u2019t do this in person, then try email. If there is an expensive gift, then suggest going in on it together.\u00a0 Don\u2019t bring up other issues. Stay on point and try to coordinate the giving.<\/p>\n

    If he refuses to work with you, talk about the impact of this on the kids. Resist giving him counseling!<\/p>\n

    If he continues to buy the children\u2019s affection, be careful not to say this to your children. Simply say, \u201cWow, really nice gift from daddy,\u201d and drop it. The tension is created by your anger or upset for his lack of cooperation. You may be right about his motivation but to hang on to that resentment only hurts you.<\/p>\n

    So, present the issue to him, suggest ways to work together for the sake of the kids and see what he does. With or without his cooperation, you can let go of anger\/resentment, release the tension and give it to God.<\/p>\n

    Spend only what is reasonable in your budget and don\u2019t make it a competition. Sometimes when there is a tug of war, the best strategy is to drop the rope. And whatever you do, don\u2019t involve your kids in this issue. Keep in mind that your children won\u2019t remember who bought them the most stuff, but will remember who helped make the holidays a positive and memorable occasion.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    I am divorced and think my ex spends way too much money on Christmas gifts for our two young kids. This is causing tension between us. It feels like a competition I can\u2019t win. I find myself spending too much because I don\u2019t want to look cheap. He has more money than I do. I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[2640,2641,132,2639],"class_list":["post-5663","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-buying-children-gifts","tag-conflcit-with-your-ex","tag-divorce","tag-shopping-for-holiday-gifts"],"yoast_head":"\nAre You in a Spending Competition for Your Kids During the Holidays?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Are You in a Spending Competition for Your Kids During the Holidays?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I am divorced and think my ex spends way too much money on Christmas gifts for our two young kids. This is causing tension between us. It feels like a competition I can\u2019t win. I find myself spending too much because I don\u2019t want to look cheap. He has more money than I do. I…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-12-05T13:00:07+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-12-04T18:32:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/12\/child-gifts-241x300.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Are You in a Spending Competition for Your Kids During the Holidays?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Are You in a Spending Competition for Your Kids During the Holidays?","og_description":"I am divorced and think my ex spends way too much money on Christmas gifts for our two young kids. This is causing tension between us. It feels like a competition I can\u2019t win. I find myself spending too much because I don\u2019t want to look cheap. He has more money than I do. I…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2013-12-05T13:00:07+00:00","article_modified_time":"2013-12-04T18:32:48+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/12\/child-gifts-241x300.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html","name":"Are You in a Spending Competition for Your Kids During the Holidays?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/12\/child-gifts-241x300.jpg","datePublished":"2013-12-05T13:00:07+00:00","dateModified":"2013-12-04T18:32:48+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/12\/child-gifts-241x300.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/files\/2013\/12\/child-gifts-241x300.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/12\/are-you-in-a-spending-competition-for-your-kids-during-the-holidays.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Are You in a Spending Competition for Your Kids During the Holidays?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice & Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5663","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5663"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5663\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5673,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5663\/revisions\/5673"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5663"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5663"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5663"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}