{"id":5154,"date":"2013-08-06T09:11:16","date_gmt":"2013-08-06T13:11:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/doinglifetogether\/?p=5154"},"modified":"2013-08-06T09:11:16","modified_gmt":"2013-08-06T13:11:16","slug":"how-to-calm-down-an-argument","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/08\/how-to-calm-down-an-argument.html","title":{"rendered":"How to Calm Down An Argument"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"couple<\/a>Russ and Rachel were at it again. Russ is driving like a maniac through busy traffic.<\/p>\n

“Hey, slow down. You are driving way too fast!”<\/p>\n

“I know how to drive and don’t need to be told what to do. When was the last time I got a ticket?”<\/p>\n

“That’s not the point! I don’t want to die today. I need a manicure, and clean underwear!”<\/p>\n

The couple laughs and the tension disappears. Russ slows down a little and Rachel relaxes.<\/p>\n

What just happened to this couple has to do with why relationships make it or break it. Russ and Rachel know how to repair a tense moment of conflict.<\/p>\n

Their success involved two things: 1) They trust each other and despite their disagreements, know they have each other’s back.<\/p>\n

2) They know how to deescalate conflict when it comes to a boiling point. Just when Russ was starting to feel annoyed and angry, Rachel cracked a joke. Humor was a way of repairing the moment. Rachel’s humor lowered the heat, making them both laugh and relax.<\/p>\n

When one partner makes a positive effort to reduce physiological reactions in the other, conflict settles down. This happens several ways between healthy couples.<\/p>\n

Here are a few of those ways:<\/p>\n

1) Use humor to break the tension.<\/p>\n

2) Acknowledge that some part of what your partner says may be true.<\/p>\n

3) Express some affection, a word of caring during an argument. It can even be a distracting comment like, “Your hair sure looks good today.”<\/p>\n

4) Agree to one point of positive change.<\/p>\n

5) Tell your partner you see his or her \u00a0point (show empathy) of view.<\/p>\n

Next time, the heat of an argument rises, try one of these tips to lower the tension.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Russ and Rachel were at it again. Russ is driving like a maniac through busy traffic. “Hey, slow down. You are driving way too fast!” “I know how to drive and don’t need to be told what to do. When was the last time I got a ticket?” “That’s not the point! I don’t want…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913],"tags":[2453,503,920,128,1033,1890],"class_list":["post-5154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","tag-argument","tag-conflict","tag-couple-relationships-2","tag-couples","tag-fighting","tag-handling-conflict"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Calm Down An Argument<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/08\/how-to-calm-down-an-argument.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Calm Down An Argument\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Russ and Rachel were at it again. Russ is driving like a maniac through busy traffic. “Hey, slow down. You are driving way too fast!” “I know how to drive and don’t need to be told what to do. When was the last time I got a ticket?” “That’s not the point! 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Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5154","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5154"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5154\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5158,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5154\/revisions\/5158"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5154"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5154"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5154"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}