{"id":4852,"date":"2013-06-17T08:00:12","date_gmt":"2013-06-17T12:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/doinglifetogether\/?p=4852"},"modified":"2013-06-07T06:55:18","modified_gmt":"2013-06-07T10:55:18","slug":"one-sure-fire-way-to-help-your-kids-deal-with-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/06\/one-sure-fire-way-to-help-your-kids-deal-with-divorce.html","title":{"rendered":"One Sure Fire Way to Help Your Kids Deal With Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"2<\/a>Brian isn\u2019t doing too well with his parents\u2019 divorce. Lately he\u2019s showing more aggressive behavior. His divorced parents, Sam and Sue, are concerned about his behavior and seek help. The therapist tells them that their unresolved conflict is causing Brian problems. They have difficulty talking about their son without blaming and fighting each other. They can\u2019t parent because they are too busy demolishing one another\u2019s character.<\/p>\n

Divorce didn\u2019t solve their conflicts and Brian is still caught in the crossfire of two people who haven\u2019t learned be civil to one another despite their differences. Brian\u2019s behavior is a response to their constant fighting.<\/p>\n

Most of you are concerned about the effects of divorce, separation and remarriage on the adjustment of your children. You want to do whatever possible to help them adjust. You already feel guilty about putting children through the ordeal of divorce.<\/p>\n

A good place to start is to reduce the conflict between you and your ex-spouse. I know you are thinking, \u201c If I could do this, I wouldn\u2019t be divorced!\u201d Possibly, but you still have to work on it for the sake of your kids.<\/p>\n

So how do you work on conflict reduction with a difficult parent partner?<\/p>\n

1) Both agree that your unresolved feelings for each other must get resolved. If this means you need to see someone in therapy, do it. Your child\u2019s adjustment is at stake.<\/p>\n

The surprise for many couples is that divorce didn\u2019t make all those negative feelings go away. The feelings stayed. You just left. Conflict between you and your ex must be resolved because it affects your ability to parent. It is very difficult to make rational decisions concerning your child when you feel negatively towards your ex-spouse. It is no secret that parents unconsciously fight with each other through their kids despite knowing they shouldn\u2019t do this.<\/p>\n

My suggestion: Work in therapy with a marital therapist who will help you exercise grace and forgiveness towards your ex. It\u2019s time to bury the multiple hatchets. It doesn\u2019t matter how wrong you\u2019ve been treated. God tells us to forgive and let go. He forgives you when you don\u2019t deserve it. Now do the same with your ex.<\/p>\n

2) Remind yourself that no matter how you feel about your ex, he\/she is your child\u2019s parent. That fact doesn\u2019t change. Help your child see you can have positive exchanges around parenting issues.\u00a0 It will help build positive feelings in the child as well.<\/p>\n

3) Always keep in mind that you are doing this to please God and help your children. Your walk with the Lord is of utmost importance. If you hold on to old stuff, you\u2019ll create roadblocks in your intimate relationship with God and others.<\/p>\n

4) Humility is often needed. Putting your needs aside for the sake of your children may require sacrifice. With God\u2019s help, you can do it.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Brian isn\u2019t doing too well with his parents\u2019 divorce. Lately he\u2019s showing more aggressive behavior. His divorced parents, Sam and Sue, are concerned about his behavior and seek help. The therapist tells them that their unresolved conflict is causing Brian problems. They have difficulty talking about their son without blaming and fighting each other. They…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[1554,897,132,2288,644,2289,52],"class_list":["post-4852","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-children-of-divorce","tag-dealing-with-conflict","tag-divorce","tag-divorce-with-children","tag-family-relationships","tag-helping-children-of-divorce","tag-parenting-2"],"yoast_head":"\nOne Sure Fire Way to Help Your Kids Deal With Divorce<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2013\/06\/one-sure-fire-way-to-help-your-kids-deal-with-divorce.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"One Sure Fire Way to Help Your Kids Deal With Divorce\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Brian isn\u2019t doing too well with his parents\u2019 divorce. 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