{"id":27248,"date":"2026-11-04T08:00:27","date_gmt":"2026-11-04T13:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=27248"},"modified":"2026-11-01T07:19:04","modified_gmt":"2026-11-01T12:19:04","slug":"not-picked-not-invited-helping-your-child-through-peer-rejection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2026\/11\/not-picked-not-invited-helping-your-child-through-peer-rejection.html","title":{"rendered":"Not Picked, Not Invited: Helping Your Child Through Peer Rejection"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It always saddens me to see a child rejected from a peer group. Most of us have had the painful experience of being rejected at one time or another in our lives. But when you are a child and that rejection is a regular experience, it can lower self-esteem and feed into behavior problems.<\/p>\n

When children are left out of activities with their peers, it is painful. No one likes to be the child that isn\u2019t picked in P.E. or the one who didn\u2019t get invited to a birthday party. Rejection is hard on kids and also on parents.<\/p>\n

Researchers have looked at why some kids are rejected. Here are a few of their findings. About half of rejected boys tend to be aggressive, argumentative and disruptive. A smaller group (up to 20%) are shy and withdrawn. Their immature, sometimes awkward behavior, can cause rejection, or rejection can bring out their immaturity.<\/p>\n

For girls, rejection isn\u2019t so much about aggression but about being bossy and negative. Girls who talk about breaking rules and don\u2019t know how to manage conflict well also have problems.<\/p>\n

Still others try to be funny but don\u2019t understand the nuances of humor and can come off annoying.\u00a0 The poor child who tries to tell a joke and isn\u2019t funny is often ostracized by peers.<\/p>\n

Some kids don\u2019t read the cues of others well enough to know when to stop talking or be less aggressive. Those kids need help recognizing the cues or signals, e.g., the person is looking away or walking away. Other kids are poor sports, may brag too much, or isolate themselves.<\/p>\n

One study of 5\u20137-year-olds found that some rejection happens simply because a child is different from the group or unfamiliar to them. In those cases, it has nothing to do with the child\u2019s behavior. For parents, this can be difficult to navigate. Finding a place where they belong is important.<\/p>\n

So if you have a child dealing with peer rejection, think about what may be driving the rejection in terms of his\/her behavior. Talk to his\/her teacher and find out what he\/she has observed in terms of peer interactions. The teacher could provide valuable feedback.<\/p>\n

Once you have a handle on the cause of the rejection, you can work on teaching more socially appropriate behavior, targeting specific areas. And I have found that when a rejected child is encouraged to have one friend to call his own, it takes the sting out of needing acceptance from the group. And church groups could be more intentional about included all children in activities, making sure they feel loved and accepted.<\/p>\n

Finally, pray with your child and let him\/her know that Jesus always calls him\/her friend. With God, we are never rejected and always loved. But people do let us down and sometimes we have to work at making our relationships better. Practice the social skills that will lead to success with your child.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It always saddens me to see a child rejected from a peer group. Most of us have had the painful experience of being rejected at one time or another in our lives. But when you are a child and that rejection is a regular experience, it can lower self-esteem and feed into behavior problems. When…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[10166,10163,10169,10172,5538,158],"class_list":["post-27248","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-awkward-children","tag-childhood-rejection","tag-different-children","tag-inclusion","tag-pain-of-rejection","tag-rejection"],"yoast_head":"\nNot Picked, Not Invited: Helping Your Child Through Peer Rejection<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If childhood rejection becomes a regular experience, it can lower self-esteem and feed into behavior problems.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=27248\" \/>\n<meta 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