{"id":25874,"date":"2025-10-21T08:00:34","date_gmt":"2025-10-21T12:00:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874"},"modified":"2025-10-11T14:16:47","modified_gmt":"2025-10-11T18:16:47","slug":"the-destructive-power-of-idle-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2025\/10\/the-destructive-power-of-idle-words.html","title":{"rendered":"The Destructive Power of Idle Words"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

It started as a simple comment. Sarah posted a photo celebrating her new job, and her old coworker, Lisa, left a snarky remark:\u00a0\u201cGuess brown-nosing finally paid off.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0Within minutes, others jumped in\u2014some defending Sarah, others piling on with sarcasm and memes. By the end of the day, a happy moment had turned sour. Sarah deleted her post and blocked Lisa, while Lisa\u2014still fuming\u2014spent hours scrolling and stewing. What began as an \u201cidle comment\u201d fractured a friendship, spread negativity, and left both women wounded.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re like me, you may be growing weary of the word sparring that dominates social media. People post outright lies with no concern for the consequences and throw insults like middle schoolers. It\u2019s juvenile behavior that\u2019s spiraling out of control\u2014and it\u2019s easy to get caught up in it. But we need to resist participating in such rhetoric.<\/p>\n

Two chapters in Scripture give us sobering reminders about the power of words. In Matthew 12:36\u201337, Jesus says,<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words, you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yikes\u2026\u00a0every idle word.<\/em>\u00a0That should give us all pause. I\u2019m repenting as I write this.<\/p>\n

James 3 also exhorts us to tame the tongue, reminding us that it is a small part of the body capable of both blessing and cursing. And Proverbs 21:23 tells us plainly:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n

These verses aren\u2019t just moral reminders\u2014they\u2019re backed by relationship science. Research in psychology shows that harsh or idle words have measurable, negative consequences:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. They damage trust and emotional safety.<\/strong>\u00a0Studies by Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington show that contempt, criticism, and sarcasm are among the most destructive behaviors in relationships. Once spoken, these words corrode intimacy and reduce the likelihood of repair.<\/li>\n
  2. They fuel negativity and suspicion.<\/strong>\u00a0Social psychologists note that gossip and verbal aggression heighten anxiety and decrease empathy. The more negative talk you engage in, the more your brain wires itself toward suspicion and defensiveness\u2014making genuine connection harder.<\/li>\n
  3. They create emotional contagion.<\/strong>\u00a0Research on social media communication reveals that negative language spreads faster and more widely than positive posts. This emotional \u201ccontagion\u201d means that our idle words don\u2019t just harm one person\u2014they ripple through communities.<\/li>\n
  4. They are habit-forming.<\/strong>\u00a0Engaging in gossip or argument releases small bursts of dopamine\u2014momentary pleasure that makes you crave more. As Paul warned in 2 Timothy 2:16,<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \u201cBesides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Idle words feed themselves. The more we speak them, the more natural they feel\u2014and the more harm they cause.<\/p>\n

    The good news is that the same mouth capable of destruction can also bring life. Proverbs 18:21 reminds us,\u00a0\u201cDeath and life are in the power of the tongue.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0We can choose words that bless, encourage, and build up rather than tear down.<\/p>\n

    So before you post, comment, or repeat that juicy bit of gossip, pause. Ask yourself:<\/p>\n

      \n
    • Will this build up or tear down?<\/li>\n
    • Would I say this if the person were standing in front of me?<\/li>\n
    • Would I want to give account for these words before God?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      Our relationships\u2014and our spiritual health\u2014depend on the words we speak. Let\u2019s be people who use them wisely.<\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      It started as a simple comment. Sarah posted a photo celebrating her new job, and her old coworker, Lisa, left a snarky remark:\u00a0\u201cGuess brown-nosing finally paid off.\u201d\u00a0Within minutes, others jumped in\u2014some defending Sarah, others piling on with sarcasm and memes. By the end of the day, a happy moment had turned sour. Sarah deleted her…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4099],"tags":[9335,2682,3843,4179,9338,9341],"class_list":["post-25874","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-stress","tag-destructive-words","tag-emotional-contagion","tag-gossip","tag-idle-words","tag-negative-words","tag-power-of-words"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Destructive Power of Idle Words<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Like me, you may be growing weary of the word sparring that dominates social media. The negative consequences should give us pause.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Destructive Power of Idle Words\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Like me, you may be growing weary of the word sparring that dominates social media. The negative consequences should give us pause.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-10-21T12:00:34+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-10-11T18:16:47+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/10\/time-for-a-change-5078605_1280.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Destructive Power of Idle Words","description":"Like me, you may be growing weary of the word sparring that dominates social media. The negative consequences should give us pause.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Destructive Power of Idle Words","og_description":"Like me, you may be growing weary of the word sparring that dominates social media. The negative consequences should give us pause.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2025-10-21T12:00:34+00:00","article_modified_time":"2025-10-11T18:16:47+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/10\/time-for-a-change-5078605_1280.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874","name":"The Destructive Power of Idle Words","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/10\/time-for-a-change-5078605_1280.jpg","datePublished":"2025-10-21T12:00:34+00:00","dateModified":"2025-10-11T18:16:47+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"description":"Like me, you may be growing weary of the word sparring that dominates social media. The negative consequences should give us pause.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/10\/time-for-a-change-5078605_1280.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/10\/time-for-a-change-5078605_1280.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25874#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The Destructive Power of Idle Words"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice & Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25874","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25874"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25874\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25886,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25874\/revisions\/25886"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25874"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25874"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25874"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}