{"id":25640,"date":"2025-09-02T08:00:25","date_gmt":"2025-09-02T12:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25640"},"modified":"2025-07-27T09:14:30","modified_gmt":"2025-07-27T13:14:30","slug":"what-to-say-when-someone-you-care-about-isnt-ok","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2025\/09\/what-to-say-when-someone-you-care-about-isnt-ok.html","title":{"rendered":"What to Say When Someone You Care About Isn\u2019t OK"},"content":{"rendered":"

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A friend recently asked me how to bring up the subject of mental health with someone she cares about. She noticed her friend wasn\u2019t eating well, seemed withdrawn, and had lost interest in activities he used to enjoy. She wondered if he might be clinically depressed but didn\u2019t know how to start the conversation.<\/p>\n

Mental health can feel like a hard topic to bring up\u2014but it\u2019s too important to ignore.\u00a0People often worry they\u2019ll say the wrong thing or make the situation worse. But in most cases, reaching out with compassion and concern is more helpful than harmful. A simple conversation could be the turning point someone needs.<\/p>\n

How to Start the Conversation<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you’re concerned about someone, start with gentle honesty. You can say something like:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know I care about you. I\u2019ve noticed that you haven\u2019t seemed like yourself lately, and I just wanted to check in. Are you OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

This approach reflects a core principle of\u00a0a training program called QPR\u00a0(Question, Persuade, Refer)\u2014which is used nationwide to help prevent suicide. The first step is\u00a0asking the question<\/em>\u00a0when you see warning signs. You don\u2019t need to diagnose or have the perfect words. Just speak from a place of care.<\/p>\n

If the person opens up,\u00a0listen without judgment. Make eye contact, put your phone away, and really focus on what they\u2019re saying. Reflect what you hear:<\/p>\n

\u201cIt sounds like you\u2019ve been feeling overwhelmed for a while.\u201d
\n\u201cThank you for telling me that. I can imagine how hard that\u2019s been.\u201d<\/p>\n

Avoid minimizing their pain with quick fixes or clich\u00e9s like \u201cJust think positive.\u201d Instead,\u00a0validate their feelings and offer hope. Remind them they\u2019re not alone and that things can get better with help.<\/p>\n

What If You’re Worried About Suicide?<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re concerned the person might be thinking about suicide,\u00a0don\u2019t be afraid to ask directly:<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes when people feel this down, they think about hurting themselves. Are you thinking about suicide?\u201d<\/p>\n

Asking about suicide\u00a0does not<\/em>\u00a0increase the risk\u2014it can actually reduce it by opening the door to help. If the answer is yes,\u00a0stay with them, remove immediate dangers if possible, and encourage them to seek help. You can call or text the\u00a0988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline\u2014just dial\u00a0988\u2014to speak with trained crisis counselors 24\/7.<\/p>\n

How You Can Help<\/strong><\/p>\n