{"id":25592,"date":"2025-08-05T08:00:11","date_gmt":"2025-08-05T12:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25592"},"modified":"2025-07-23T08:57:55","modified_gmt":"2025-07-23T12:57:55","slug":"you-cant-fix-what-you-wont-talk-about","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2025\/08\/you-cant-fix-what-you-wont-talk-about.html","title":{"rendered":"You Can\u2019t Fix What You Won\u2019t Talk About"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div class=\"mceTemp\">\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2019\/05\/character-1797362_1920.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10838\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2019\/05\/character-1797362_1920.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1920\" height=\"1281\" \/><\/a><strong>&#8220;We need to talk.&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It sounds simple\u2014maybe even obvious\u2014but too many people avoid these four words. When something feels off in your relationship, the most important person to talk to is your partner\u2014not your friends, not your family, and not social media.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Talk to the person involved in the conflict<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If something bothers you, say it. There is no path to real intimacy without honest communication. Relationships don\u2019t fix themselves. Ignoring problems doesn\u2019t make them go away\u2014it just makes them grow in the dark.<\/p>\n<p>That said,\u00a0<em>how<\/em>\u00a0you talk matters just as much as\u00a0<em>what<\/em>\u00a0you say.<\/p>\n<p>When you speak hard truths, don\u2019t come from a place of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or anger. Instead, follow the timeless guidance from Ephesians 4:15:\u00a0<strong>\u201c<\/strong>Speak the truth in love.\u201d\u00a0Speak with the intention of healing, not harming. Be clear, but kind.<\/p>\n<p>Real intimacy is built through this kind of vulnerability. But vulnerability requires trust. If you don\u2019t trust your partner enough to have honest conversations, it may point to a deeper issue in the relationship: a lack of true commitment to working through challenges together.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s a saying worth pondering:\u00a0<strong>\u201c<\/strong>If you can\u2019t trust, maybe you can\u2019t be trusted.\u201d\u00a0That might sound harsh, but it reminds us that broken trust often begins with broken behavior\u2014whether it&#8217;s secrecy, deception, or unmet expectations.<\/p>\n<p>If you\u2019ve damaged trust, rebuilding it starts with repentance:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>First to God,<\/li>\n<li>Then to your partner.<br \/>\nIt also requires a candid conversation about what happened and a plan to restore confidence through consistent, trustworthy actions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Avoiding hard conversations often stems from fear\u2014fear of conflict, rejection, or loss. But silence fuels misunderstanding.\u00a0When you open up, you demonstrate that you\u2019re willing to be known. You show your partner that there\u2019s nothing to hide and everything to gain in emotional transparency.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes, broken trust doesn\u2019t come from betrayal but from unspoken or unrealistic expectations. Your partner isn\u2019t a mind-reader. You must articulate your needs, desires, and dreams. When you share what makes you happy, your partner can join you in that joy\u2014and when you\u2019re struggling, they can meet you with empathy.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Healthy relationships begin with healthy individuals<\/strong><br \/>\nBecome the kind of person who brings joy, honesty, and resilience into the relationship. Build shared experiences of closeness and talk through the painful parts too. That\u2019s how trust deepens.<\/p>\n<p>So yes\u2014we really do need to talk<strong>.<\/strong>\u00a0Especially when it\u2019s difficult. Because emotional safety, intimacy, and lasting connection are always on the other side of honest, loving conversation.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>For more help, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/We-Need-Talk-Successfully-Navigate\/dp\/0801016762\/ref=asc_df_0801016762?tag=bingshoppinga-20&amp;linkCode=df0&amp;hvadid=80401842770986&amp;hvnetw=o&amp;hvqmt=e&amp;hvbmt=be&amp;hvdev=c&amp;hvlocint=&amp;hvlocphy=83699&amp;hvtargid=pla-4584001431053075&amp;psc=1\">We Need to Talk b<\/a>y Dr. Linda Mintle<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; &#8220;We need to talk.&#8221; It sounds simple\u2014maybe even obvious\u2014but too many people avoid these four words. When something feels off in your relationship, the most important person to talk to is your partner\u2014not your friends, not your family, and not social media. Talk to the person involved in the conflict If something bothers you,&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[9143,503,2025,9158,1382,9155,159,1000,1398,9152,3227,9149,9146],"class_list":["post-25592","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-build-intimacy","tag-conflict","tag-couples-relationships","tag-fix-problems","tag-intimacy","tag-intimate-conversations","tag-problems","tag-relationship-problems","tag-trust","tag-trustworthy","tag-we-need-to-talk","tag-work-out-problems","tag-work-things-out"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>You Can\u2019t Fix What You Won\u2019t Talk About<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When something feels off in your relationship, you need to talk. It&#039;s the only way to build true intimacy and grow together\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25592\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"You Can\u2019t Fix What You Won\u2019t Talk About\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When something feels off in your relationship, you need to talk. 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Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. 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