{"id":25568,"date":"2025-07-29T08:00:31","date_gmt":"2025-07-29T12:00:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25568"},"modified":"2025-07-20T19:06:17","modified_gmt":"2025-07-20T23:06:17","slug":"college-is-for-growth-not-avoidance-the-misuse-of-no-contact-orders","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2025\/07\/college-is-for-growth-not-avoidance-the-misuse-of-no-contact-orders.html","title":{"rendered":"College Is for Growth, Not Avoidance: The Misuse of No Contact Orders"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My first college roommate was difficult\u2014and not exactly welcoming. Her very first words to me weren\u2019t \u201cHi\u201d or \u201cNice to meet you,\u201d but rather: \u201cThis is my boyfriend, ______, and stay away from him.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I remember being stunned. First, I didn\u2019t know her boyfriend. Second, why would I even think to \u201ctake him away\u201d? And third\u2014shouldn\u2019t we at least get to know each other before she launched into accusations and rules?<\/span><\/p>\n

I tried to have a conversation with her, but it didn\u2019t help. Eventually, I changed roommates. She later requested a solo room so she could “protect her relationship.” You can probably guess how that worked out for her.<\/span><\/p>\n

In another dorm, a student wore my clothes without asking. I had to confront her and set firm boundaries. These situations weren\u2019t easy, but they taught me how to handle conflict directly\u2014a life skill that\u2019s essential.<\/span><\/p>\n

But on many college campuses today, students are no longer required to work things out face-to-face. Instead, they can file what’s called a\u00a0<\/span>No Contact Order<\/span><\/strong>\u2014a formal request to avoid any interaction with another student. Originally created to protect students from serious threats such as stalking or sexual harassment, these orders are now being used in far less serious situations.<\/span><\/p>\n

Case in point:<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/span>A\u00a0<\/span>Wall Street Journal<\/em>\u00a0<\/span>article in 2025 documented a college student who filed a No Contact Order because her roommate allegedly took her bagels. Yes, bagels.<\/span><\/p>\n

As someone who once served as a Title IX representative at my university, I find this disturbing. These orders were meant to protect students from genuine harm\u2014not to act as escape routes from uncomfortable social situations. I have absolutely recommended No Contact Orders in cases of sexual harassment, stalking, and threats. But I never imagined they would be used to avoid conflict over food or petty disagreements.<\/span><\/p>\n

Where is the opportunity to learn basic interpersonal skills if students are never required to work through tension or disagreement? College is supposed to be a bridge to adult life, including the messy, frustrating parts of living with others.<\/span><\/p>\n

Many of today\u2019s students arrive on campus used to\u00a0<\/span>blocking<\/span><\/em>,\u00a0<\/span><\/i>muting<\/span><\/em>, <\/i>and\u00a0<\/i><\/span>unfriending<\/span><\/em>\u00a0<\/i><\/span>people they don\u2019t like on social media. Now, that behavior is bleeding into real life. When conflict arises, rather than talking it out, they call the university office and request formal separation. And sadly, administrators often oblige\u2014under the new buzzword of \u201cpsychological safety,\u201d which sometimes translates to \u201cI don\u2019t want to deal with this person.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

This path doesn\u2019t lead to emotional resilience. It fosters avoidance, fragility, and poor relational skills\u2014traits that won\u2019t serve anyone well in the workplace or in life.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Bible offers timeless wisdom on this topic. Matthew 18 teaches: \u201cIf your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens, you have gained your brother.\u201d If that doesn\u2019t work, bring in a third party. The idea is to\u00a0<\/span>engage<\/em>, not\u00a0<\/span>evade<\/em>. Learn to treat others with respect, work through disagreement, and live alongside people who are different from you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Using No Contact Orders to sidestep conflict is not growth. It’s retreat.<\/span><\/p>\n

College shouldn\u2019t be a bubble where discomfort is eliminated. It should be a training ground for real life. If we keep coddling students with tools meant for trauma rather than teaching them to manage everyday interpersonal struggles, we\u2019re failing them. And we\u2019re sending them into the world unprepared.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My first college roommate was difficult\u2014and not exactly welcoming. Her very first words to me weren\u2019t \u201cHi\u201d or \u201cNice to meet you,\u201d but rather: \u201cThis is my boyfriend, ______, and stay away from him.\u201d I remember being stunned. First, I didn\u2019t know her boyfriend. Second, why would I even think to \u201ctake him away\u201d? And…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[917],"tags":[9140,3408,1371,942,503,2116,9137,9134],"class_list":["post-25568","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-friend-relationships","tag-avoid-conflict","tag-college-campuses","tag-college-life","tag-communication","tag-conflict","tag-conflict-avoidance","tag-misuse-of-no-contact-orders","tag-no-contact-oder"],"yoast_head":"\nCollege Is for Growth, Not Avoidance: The Misuse of No Contact Orders<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"On many college campuses today, students are no longer required to work things out face-to-face. 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