{"id":25490,"date":"2025-07-15T08:00:09","date_gmt":"2025-07-15T12:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490"},"modified":"2025-07-04T09:38:28","modified_gmt":"2025-07-04T13:38:28","slug":"letting-go-of-grudges-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2025\/07\/letting-go-of-grudges-2.html","title":{"rendered":"How to Let Go of Grudges"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/07\/angry-2191104_1280.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-25496\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/07\/angry-2191104_1280.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1280\" height=\"853\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Have you been wronged?<\/strong>\u00a0Most of us have. And if we\u2019re honest, many of us replay the offense, wishing the other person would \u201cget what\u2019s coming.\u201d Yet\u202fclinging to a grudge costs far more than it pays.<\/p>\n<p><strong>A cautionary tale: Herodias\u2019s grudge: <\/strong>Mark\u202f6:17\u201129 recounts how Herodias\u2014angry that John\u202fthe\u202fBaptist had condemned her unlawful marriage to Herod Antipas\u2014<em>\u201cnursed a grudge.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0When Herodias\u2019s daughter delighted Herod with a dance, the queen seized the moment: \u201cGive me the head of John the Baptist.\u201d Her revenge was swift, brutal, and ultimately self\u2011destructive. The story illustrates a timeless truth: unresolved anger corrodes the soul of the person who holds it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Why grudges feel so heavy<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Endless rehearsal\u00a0of the hurt keeps neural networks for threat active, making the event seem ever\u2011present.<\/li>\n<li>Bitterness bias\u00a0distorts memory: we recall every slight against us but not the context or our own part.<\/li>\n<li>Blocked problem\u2011solving:\u00a0high arousal narrows attention to blame, crowding out creative solutions.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Physiological stress<\/strong><br \/>\n\u2022\u00a0Holding hostile thoughts keeps the body in fight\u2011or\u2011flight mode, raising blood pressure and heart rate and impairing blood\u2011vessel function\u2014effects linked to higher risk of heart attack and stroke.<br \/>\n\u2022\u00a0Rumination prolongs cortisol release long after a conflict ends, compromising immunity and sleep.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Mental\u2011health fallout<\/strong><br \/>\nPersistent grudges predict more anxiety, depression, and anger\u2011related rumination, whereas forgiveness consistently correlates with greater life satisfaction and lower distress.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Letting go is a learnable skill, not just a moral ideal. Here is how to let go.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Name the wound<\/strong>: Write or pray through exactly\u00a0<em>what<\/em>\u00a0hurt and\u00a0<em>why<\/em>\u00a0it matters. Labeling emotions lowers amygdala reactivity.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Own any share<\/strong>: Humility diffuses defensiveness and predicts quicker reconciliation.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Seek wise support:<\/strong> Talking with empathic friends or a therapist interrupts rumination loops.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Interrupt replay:<\/strong> Use attention\u2011shifting skills\u2014deep breathing, exercise, or focused prayer\u2014when the grievance resurfaces.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Choose forgiveness daily:<\/strong> Recall the offense, empathize,\u00a0<em>decide<\/em>\u00a0to forgive, commit, and hold to the choice (REACH).<\/li>\n<li><strong>Trust ultimate justice<\/strong>: From a faith perspective, God\u2014not we\u2014is judge (Romans\u202f12:19). Relinquishing retaliation reduces anger arousal.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Herodias shows where grudges lead: deeper anger, collateral damage, and no real peace. Contemporary science echoes Scripture: harboring resentment harms the\u00a0<em>holder<\/em>\u00a0most. Forgiveness\u2014often gradual and deliberate\u2014lowers stress hormones, protects the heart, and restores joy. Ask God for grace, practice evidence\u2011based steps to let go, and reclaim the emotional energy that bitterness has been stealing.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>(Adapted from\u00a0<strong>We\u202fNeed\u202fto\u202fTalk<\/strong>\u00a0by Linda\u202fMintle,\u202fPh.D., Baker\u202fBooks,\u202f2015.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you been wronged?\u00a0Most of us have. And if we\u2019re honest, many of us replay the offense, wishing the other person would \u201cget what\u2019s coming.\u201d Yet\u202fclinging to a grudge costs far more than it pays. A cautionary tale: Herodias\u2019s grudge: Mark\u202f6:17\u201129 recounts how Herodias\u2014angry that John\u202fthe\u202fBaptist had condemned her unlawful marriage to Herod Antipas\u2014\u201cnursed a&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[599,9065,3249,4926,81,79,302,9062,2580],"class_list":["post-25490","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-angry","tag-choose-forgiveness","tag-grudge","tag-grudges","tag-hurt","tag-injustice","tag-unforgiveness","tag-wounded","tag-wronged"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Let Go of Grudges<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Have you been wronged?\u00a0If we\u2019re honest, many of us replay the offense, wishing the other person would \u201cget what\u2019s coming.\u201d\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Let Go of Grudges\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Have you been wronged?\u00a0If we\u2019re honest, many of us replay the offense, wishing the other person would \u201cget what\u2019s coming.\u201d\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-07-15T12:00:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-07-04T13:38:28+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/07\/angry-2191104_1280.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to Let Go of Grudges","description":"Have you been wronged?\u00a0If we\u2019re honest, many of us replay the offense, wishing the other person would \u201cget what\u2019s coming.\u201d","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How to Let Go of Grudges","og_description":"Have you been wronged?\u00a0If we\u2019re honest, many of us replay the offense, wishing the other person would \u201cget what\u2019s coming.\u201d","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2025-07-15T12:00:09+00:00","article_modified_time":"2025-07-04T13:38:28+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/07\/angry-2191104_1280.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490","name":"How to Let Go of Grudges","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/07\/angry-2191104_1280.jpg","datePublished":"2025-07-15T12:00:09+00:00","dateModified":"2025-07-04T13:38:28+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"description":"Have you been wronged?\u00a0If we\u2019re honest, many of us replay the offense, wishing the other person would \u201cget what\u2019s coming.\u201d","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/07\/angry-2191104_1280.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/07\/angry-2191104_1280.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25490#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How to Let Go of Grudges"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice &amp; Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25490","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25490"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25490\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25505,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25490\/revisions\/25505"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25490"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25490"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25490"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}