{"id":25324,"date":"2025-06-05T08:00:39","date_gmt":"2025-06-05T12:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324"},"modified":"2025-05-26T09:52:06","modified_gmt":"2025-05-26T13:52:06","slug":"is-it-love-or-love-addiction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2025\/06\/is-it-love-or-love-addiction.html","title":{"rendered":"Is it Love or Love Addiction?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p data-start=\"288\" data-end=\"387\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/05\/couple-1329349_1280.jpg\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-25336\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/05\/couple-1329349_1280.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1280\" height=\"854\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"288\" data-end=\"387\">Have you ever felt like you <em data-start=\"316\" data-end=\"322\">need<\/em> someone\u2014not just want them, but really <em data-start=\"362\" data-end=\"368\">need<\/em> them to feel okay?<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"389\" data-end=\"717\">At first, it might feel like passion, even destiny. But over time, that need can start to feel more like desperation, anxiety, or fear. You may find yourself obsessing over your partner, feeling crushed when you\u2019re apart, or staying in a relationship that doesn\u2019t feel healthy\u2014just because the idea of being alone is unbearable.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"719\" data-end=\"805\">This isn\u2019t just \u201cfalling hard.\u201d It can actually be something deeper: <em data-start=\"788\" data-end=\"804\">love addiction<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Love addiction isn\u2019t just a dramatic phrase. Studies have shown that for some people, romantic relationships activate emotional behaviors that are\u00a0<em>very<\/em>\u00a0similar to what we see in substance addiction.<\/p>\n<p>You may constantly seek emotional \u201chighs\u201d from closeness or attention. And when that connection is disrupted\u2014like during a fight, a breakup, or even a few hours without a response\u2014you feel withdrawal: anxiety, emptiness, even panic.<\/p>\n<p>This kind of emotional dependence can harm both you and your relationship in the long run.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Psychology Behind It: What\u2019s Really Going On?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Research points to some powerful emotional patterns underneath love addiction. One big factor? Something called\u00a0fearful attachment.<\/p>\n<p>People with a fearful attachment style often struggle with a mix of:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Low self-esteem<\/li>\n<li>Fear of being abandoned<\/li>\n<li>Distrust of others<\/li>\n<li>Difficulty handling strong emotions<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Psychologist Leonard Horowitz described it as having a negative view of both yourself\u00a0<em>and<\/em>\u00a0others. You may want closeness badly but also feel terrified of it at the same time. That tug-of-war creates a lot of inner tension\u2014and sometimes leads to clinging to relationships, even when they\u2019re not healthy.<\/p>\n<p>Many people in this cycle don\u2019t even realize it\u2019s happening. You may just think you&#8217;re &#8220;too sensitive,&#8221; &#8220;bad at love,&#8221; or that you just haven\u2019t found the right person. But what\u2019s really happening is that your relationship is being used to regulate your emotions\u2014kind of like how someone might use alcohol or food to cope.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Signs You Might Be Struggling with Love Addiction<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You feel intense fear or anxiety when you&#8217;re not around your partner<\/li>\n<li>You stay in unhealthy relationships to avoid being alone<\/li>\n<li>You put your partner\u2019s needs ahead of your own\u2014constantly<\/li>\n<li>You have a hard time trusting or feel emotionally out of control<\/li>\n<li>Breakups feel unbearable, even if the relationship was damaging<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Breaking the Cycle<\/strong><\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2850\">The good news? This cycle <em data-start=\"2834\" data-end=\"2839\">can<\/em> be broken.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2852\" data-end=\"2967\">Learning to love in a healthy way means learning how to feel safe and whole on your own first. That often involves:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"2969\" data-end=\"3140\">\n<li data-start=\"2969\" data-end=\"2993\">\n<p data-start=\"2971\" data-end=\"2993\">Building self-esteem<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"2994\" data-end=\"3051\">\n<p data-start=\"2996\" data-end=\"3051\">Learning to manage painful emotions in healthier ways<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3052\" data-end=\"3091\">\n<p data-start=\"3054\" data-end=\"3091\">Understanding your attachment style<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3092\" data-end=\"3140\">\n<p data-start=\"3094\" data-end=\"3140\">Working with a therapist to heal past wounds<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"2808\" data-end=\"2850\">The good news? This cycle <em data-start=\"2834\" data-end=\"2839\">can<\/em> be broken.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"2852\" data-end=\"2967\">Learning to love in a healthy way means learning how to feel safe and whole on your own first. That often involves:<\/p>\n<ul data-start=\"2969\" data-end=\"3140\">\n<li data-start=\"2969\" data-end=\"2993\">\n<p data-start=\"2971\" data-end=\"2993\">Building self-esteem<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"2994\" data-end=\"3051\">\n<p data-start=\"2996\" data-end=\"3051\">Learning to manage painful emotions in healthier ways<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3052\" data-end=\"3091\">\n<p data-start=\"3054\" data-end=\"3091\">Understanding your attachment style<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li data-start=\"3092\" data-end=\"3140\">\n<p data-start=\"3094\" data-end=\"3140\">Working with a therapist to heal past wounds<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p data-start=\"3142\" data-end=\"3325\">Developing healthier attachment patterns can help you build relationships that are not based on fear or compulsion, but on mutual respect, support, and emotional security. Therapies that focus on emotional regulation, attachment, and inner healing\u2014like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), schema therapy, or psychodynamic therapy\u2014can be incredibly helpful.<\/p>\n<p data-start=\"3377\" data-end=\"3563\">Love isn\u2019t supposed to feel like withdrawal. If your relationship feels more like a lifeline than a partnership, it might be time to ask yourself\u2014not <em data-start=\"3527\" data-end=\"3532\">who<\/em> you&#8217;re addicted to, but <em data-start=\"3557\" data-end=\"3562\">why<\/em>. True love is rooted in connection, not compulsion. The more we understand ourselves and our emotional patterns, the better chance we have at creating relationships that lift us up, instead of dragging us down.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever felt like you need someone\u2014not just want them, but really need them to feel okay? At first, it might feel like passion, even destiny. But over time, that need can start to feel more like desperation, anxiety, or fear. You may find yourself obsessing over your partner, feeling crushed when you\u2019re apart,&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913],"tags":[2893,3196,8965,8962],"class_list":["post-25324","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","tag-addicted-to-love","tag-couples-romance","tag-emotional-dependency","tag-love-addiction"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Is it Love or Love Addiction?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What happens when love stops being a bond and starts becoming a fix? One that begins to mirror the emotional patterns seen in addiction.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Is it Love or Love Addiction?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What happens when love stops being a bond and starts becoming a fix? One that begins to mirror the emotional patterns seen in addiction.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-06-05T12:00:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-05-26T13:52:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/05\/couple-1329349_1280.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Is it Love or Love Addiction?","description":"What happens when love stops being a bond and starts becoming a fix? One that begins to mirror the emotional patterns seen in addiction.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Is it Love or Love Addiction?","og_description":"What happens when love stops being a bond and starts becoming a fix? One that begins to mirror the emotional patterns seen in addiction.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2025-06-05T12:00:39+00:00","article_modified_time":"2025-05-26T13:52:06+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/05\/couple-1329349_1280.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324","name":"Is it Love or Love Addiction?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/05\/couple-1329349_1280.jpg","datePublished":"2025-06-05T12:00:39+00:00","dateModified":"2025-05-26T13:52:06+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"description":"What happens when love stops being a bond and starts becoming a fix? One that begins to mirror the emotional patterns seen in addiction.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/05\/couple-1329349_1280.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2025\/05\/couple-1329349_1280.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=25324#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Is it Love or Love Addiction?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice &amp; Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25324","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25324"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25324\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":25339,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25324\/revisions\/25339"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25324"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25324"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25324"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}