{"id":2450,"date":"2026-05-07T08:00:42","date_gmt":"2026-05-07T12:00:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450"},"modified":"2026-04-27T08:15:49","modified_gmt":"2026-04-27T12:15:49","slug":"mothers-day-dilemma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2026\/05\/mothers-day-dilemma.html","title":{"rendered":"Honoring a Mother Who Hurt You: A Path Toward Healing"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

A reader recently wrote with a question that many adult children quietly carry, especially as Mother\u2019s Day approaches:<\/span><\/p>\n

Question:<\/span><\/strong>
Every Mother\u2019s Day I struggle to honor my mom. When I was 14, she left our family to be with another man. The pain from that time still lingers, and I find myself unsure how to approach this holiday. I think I\u2019m still angry with her. Now she wants a relationship with me. What do I do?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Answer:<\/span><\/strong>
Your struggle is deeply understandable. Days like Mother\u2019s Day can stir up old wounds, especially when your story doesn\u2019t match the cultural picture of celebration and closeness. Before deciding what to\u00a0<\/span>do<\/em>, it\u2019s important to reflect on what\u2019s still happening\u00a0<\/span>inside<\/em>\u00a0<\/span>you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Start by examining your heart<\/span><\/b>. Have you truly forgiven your mother for what happened? Forgiveness is not about excusing her behavior or minimizing the impact of her decision. What she did had real consequences, and those deserve to be acknowledged. But forgiveness is ultimately a choice\u2014one that releases you from carrying the weight of ongoing anger. As people of faith, we forgive not because it\u2019s easy or deserved, but because we have been forgiven. Letting go of unforgiveness is an act of obedience and a pathway to freedom.<\/span><\/p>\n

Next, consider whether judgment is still taking root.<\/b> It\u2019s appropriate to name her choice as wrong, but holding onto judgment often keeps you emotionally tied to the pain. Resentment can quietly grow into bitterness, and over time, that bitterness affects far more than this one relationship. Ask yourself honestly: Do I want her past decisions to continue shaping my present emotional life? Or am I ready to release that burden to God, trusting Him as the ultimate judge?<\/span><\/p>\n

It may also be important to process the impact her leaving had on you.<\/b> Sometimes healing requires giving voice to pain. You might consider having a thoughtful, honest conversation with your mother and sharing how her actions affected you as a daughter. This isn\u2019t about attacking or blaming, but about telling the truth of your experience. Go into that conversation without expectations. She may respond with humility and remorse or she may not. Either way, expressing your story can be a meaningful step in your own healing.<\/span><\/p>\n

If your mother seeks forgiveness and shows genuine desire to repair the relationship<\/b>, reconciliation may be possible. But remember, forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same. Forgiveness is something you can choose on your own; reconciliation requires mutual effort, honesty, and trust-building over time. Move at a pace that feels wise and emotionally safe, trusting God to give you wisdom in the process. <\/span><\/p>\n

If, however, your mother is unwilling to acknowledge the hurt or take responsibility, there is a different kind of work ahead grieving the relationship you hoped for but may not have. That grief is real and necessary. Trust that God meets you in that space and can provide the comfort and wholeness that may be missing from this relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

So what does this mean for Mother\u2019s Day? It may not look like a picture-perfect celebration and that\u2019s okay. Honoring your mother might be as simple as acknowledging that she gave you life. It might mean a brief call, a card, or even a quiet prayer. Or it may mean creating healthy distance while still holding a posture of forgiveness in your heart.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mother\u2019s Day can be complicated. But it can also be an opportunity and an invitation to step out of resentment and into freedom, one intentional choice at a time.<\/span><\/p>\n

For more help with mother-daughter relationships, I Love My Mother But…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader recently wrote with a question that many adult children quietly carry, especially as Mother\u2019s Day approaches: Question:Every Mother\u2019s Day I struggle to honor my mom. When I was 14, she left our family to be with another man. The pain from that time still lingers, and I find myself unsure how to approach…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[914],"tags":[9944,678,1270,9947,1267,9941,9950],"class_list":["post-2450","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family-relationships-2","tag-difficult-mother","tag-family-conflict","tag-honoring-mom","tag-hurt-by-mom","tag-mothers-day","tag-old-wounds","tag-past-hurts"],"yoast_head":"\nHonoring a Mother Who Hurt You: A Path Toward Healing<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Days like Mother\u2019s Day can stir up old wounds, especially when your story doesn\u2019t match the cultural picture of celebration and closeness.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Honoring a Mother Who Hurt You: A Path Toward Healing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Days like Mother\u2019s Day can stir up old wounds, especially when your story doesn\u2019t match the cultural picture of celebration and closeness.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-05-07T12:00:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-04-27T12:15:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2026\/04\/people-7469420_1280.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Honoring a Mother Who Hurt You: A Path Toward Healing","description":"Days like Mother\u2019s Day can stir up old wounds, especially when your story doesn\u2019t match the cultural picture of celebration and closeness.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Honoring a Mother Who Hurt You: A Path Toward Healing","og_description":"Days like Mother\u2019s Day can stir up old wounds, especially when your story doesn\u2019t match the cultural picture of celebration and closeness.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2026-05-07T12:00:42+00:00","article_modified_time":"2026-04-27T12:15:49+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2026\/04\/people-7469420_1280.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450","name":"Honoring a Mother Who Hurt You: A Path Toward Healing","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2026\/04\/people-7469420_1280.jpg","datePublished":"2026-05-07T12:00:42+00:00","dateModified":"2026-04-27T12:15:49+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"description":"Days like Mother\u2019s Day can stir up old wounds, especially when your story doesn\u2019t match the cultural picture of celebration and closeness.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2026\/04\/people-7469420_1280.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2026\/04\/people-7469420_1280.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=2450#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Honoring a Mother Who Hurt You: A Path Toward Healing"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice & Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2450","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2450"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2450\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":26771,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2450\/revisions\/26771"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2450"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2450"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2450"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}