{"id":24003,"date":"2024-09-24T08:00:32","date_gmt":"2024-09-24T12:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=24003"},"modified":"2024-09-02T09:43:02","modified_gmt":"2024-09-02T13:43:02","slug":"what-to-say-when-you-dont-know-what-to-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2024\/09\/what-to-say-when-you-dont-know-what-to-say.html","title":{"rendered":"What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

When you go through a difficult time, have you ever noticed what people say? Their words can be encouraging and uplifting or frustrating, even offensive. This happens in churches more than I care to admit. A well-meaning person tries to encourage you and uses cliches like, \u201cI believe everything happens for a reason?\u201d Or \u201cDon\u2019t worry. Gods got this?\u201d Or maybe you have said, \u201cI will pray for you,\u201d but then you don\u2019t?<\/p>\n

Words matter. According to Scripture, they have the power of life and death. So, how we talk to each other is important and we need to better understand the impact of our words. One way to do this is to think about the use of cliches, especially when someone is going through a tough time. Our intentions may be good, but are clich\u00e9s meaningful or helpful? Does a clich\u00e9 feel good to the person receiving it? Are there better things to say or do when people are in crises or need of encouragement?<\/p>\n

At times, we use clich\u00e9s because we don\u2019t know what else to say. We want to offer comfort or help but are unsure how to do that or what to say. So, we throw out a clich\u00e9. The problem is that a clich\u00e9 can be a turn off to someone who is hurting, especially if it is based on poor theology or meaningless words. For example, the clich\u00e9, \u201cGod helps those who help themselves,\u201d is nowhere in the Bible. If God only helps the self-helpers, we are all in trouble!<\/p>\n

When I was going through infertility, people in my church would say things like, \u201cGod has a plan for your life, and it may not include children.\u201d Honestly, that kind of \u201chelp\u201d just upset me more and didn\u2019t help with the intense emotions and grief I felt. Yes, I knew God had a plan for my life\u2026but during that season of dealing with the inability to conceive, I didn\u2019t want to hear that clich\u00e9. And that sentiment was not what I was hearing in my own spirit. I was uncertain about God\u2019s plan but eventually I did have children.<\/p>\n

So, what can you say when you don\u2019t know what to say? Here are a few suggestions:<\/p>\n