{"id":22148,"date":"2023-11-28T08:00:33","date_gmt":"2023-11-28T13:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22148"},"modified":"2023-11-21T10:49:36","modified_gmt":"2023-11-21T15:49:36","slug":"calming-upset-during-the-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2023\/11\/calming-upset-during-the-holidays.html","title":{"rendered":"Calming Upset During the Holidays"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The holidays are in full swing and emotions can run hot when families get together. But what happens when you get upset and emotions take over? It\u2019s usually not positive!<\/p>\n

Maybe your boss yelled at you, or your husband said something upsetting. Whatever the cause, emotions override your capacity to think. When this happens, you have what psychologist Daniel Goleman calls an \u201camygdala hijack.\u201d<\/p>\n

When we are exposed to stress, these almond-like structures in our brain called the amygdala act like smoke detectors. Their job is to detect danger. When they do, your body goes into action to defend itself against any perceived danger. Then, a cascade of chemicals like cortisol and adrenaline is released, preparing you for an emergency response. We know this as fight or flight.<\/p>\n

This brain hijack happens quickly. It\u2019s so fast, you aren’t even aware of it. The feeling part of your brain (the amygdala) takes over and strong emotions are felt. Those emotions can be so strong, that it is hard to remember. Basically, the thinking part of your brain goes off-line.<\/p>\n

When this happens, complex decision-making disappears, and so does your ability to think from the other person\u2019s perspective.\u00a0 Your attention narrows, you find yourself trapped in your own thoughts to feel safe. You think, \u201cI must be right and you\u2019re wrong.\u201d This sets up division and polarization.<\/p>\n

Think of a time you were in a fight with your spouse or family member, and you literally could not remember a positive thing about them? It\u2019s like the brain drops the memory function altogether to survive the threat of the moment. During the hijack, you can\u2019t trust your memory because your emotions are soaring.<\/p>\n

This hijacking is why marriage expert and researcher, Dr. John Gottman, measured the \u00a0arousal of couples when they fought. He knew that when the amygdala hijacked occurs, couples will say and do things they normally would not. Then they regret what they said later.<\/p>\n

To avoid the amygdala hijack, you need to be able to regulate your emotions. Regulating your emotions involves the fruit of the Spirit. When you exercise self-control during high emotional times, you make a better friend, partner, family member or coworker. \u00a0Once calm, the thinking part of your brain is activated again.<\/p>\n

Here are a few tips to help you avoid the amygdala hijack:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Take a few long deep breaths.<\/strong> Breathing slows everything down. It takes about 6 seconds for the chemicals in your brain to dissipate that strong emotional reaction. Breathe six times during those six seconds. When you do, you stop the flight and fight danger feeling.<\/li>\n
  2. Label your feelings.<\/strong> “I feel anxious right now.” Attaching words engages the thinking part of the brain. Therapists say, \u201cName it to tame it!\u201d<\/li>\n
  3. Now, distract your thoughts <\/strong>-count to 10 backwards, describe the lamp in the room, focus on your feet and the fact that they touch the ground. Or name 5 cities that begin with the letter A. When you distract away from the emotion, the thinking part of your brain gets back on-line again.<\/li>\n
  4. Finally, take any negative thought captive.<\/strong> Replace the thought with a godly thought based on scripture. Meditate on the Word of God. Christian meditation is a great way to distract the brain from that amygdala hijack. And we know from studies that meditation and prayer calm the brain.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    The holidays are in full swing and emotions can run hot when families get together. But what happens when you get upset and emotions take over? It\u2019s usually not positive! Maybe your boss yelled at you, or your husband said something upsetting. Whatever the cause, emotions override your capacity to think. When this happens, you…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913,914,917],"tags":[5781,599,7490,7484,678,1081,1033,7487,17,2497],"class_list":["post-22148","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","category-family-relationships-2","category-friend-relationships","tag-amygdala-hijack","tag-angry","tag-brain-hijack","tag-emotional","tag-family-conflict","tag-family-stress","tag-fighting","tag-holiday-upset","tag-stress-2","tag-upset"],"yoast_head":"\nCalming Upset During the Holidays<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The holidays are in full swing and emotions can run hot when families get together. 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