{"id":22049,"date":"2023-11-09T08:00:12","date_gmt":"2023-11-09T13:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049"},"modified":"2023-11-05T08:22:02","modified_gmt":"2023-11-05T13:22:02","slug":"no-sex-time-to-talk-it-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2023\/11\/no-sex-time-to-talk-it-out.html","title":{"rendered":"No Sex? Time to Talk it Out"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Alexa and Hudson haven\u2019t had sex in over a month. And neither is talking about it. Alexa and Hudson are like many couples who suffer in silence, never bringing up the issue of boredom or inattention to their sexual lives. When Alexa and Hudson began to talk, they knew what to do to fix things. Had they not pushed each other to talk, they might be still struggling today.<\/p>\n

Alexa admitted that she lost interest in Hudson when he stopped having meaningful conversations and talks with her. She felt the longer they were married, their communication had dwindled to a few words and interactions such as, \u201cHow was your day?\u201d and \u201cEverything OK?\u201d For her, there was a lack of engagement. Changing a boring sex life meant re-engaging in conversation, rekindling a forgotten friendship by doing things together. They were in a rut. So, Hudson planned an overnight at a nearby hotel that he found on Groupon. Simply changing the scenery and getting out of the house sparked feelings of romance.<\/p>\n

During the night at the hotel, Alexa decided to take an even bigger risk. She would talk to Hudson about the way he touched and stimulated her physically. She knew he wanted to please her but felt they had never communicated as to how this could be done best. At times, his touch felt awkward and was not arousing her in the way he had hoped. When she gave him some direction, he was highly receptive and willing to adjust.<\/p>\n

As authors Robert Butler and Myrna Lewis say in their book, Love and Sex After 40<\/em>, \u201cLove and sex are twin arts, requiring effort and knowledge. Only in fairy tales do people live happily ever after without working at it.\u201d Prior to this time, Alexa and Hudson were not working at their sex life. They didn\u2019t know each other\u2019s likes or dislikes, nor were they making much of an effort to set the stage for sexual encounters.<\/p>\n

\u201cWorking at it\u201d often requires discussing behaviors that are pleasing and acceptable to each other. Ask your partner, what is uncomfortable, acceptable, etc., when it comes to sexual behavior. This is usually influenced by upbringing, values, experience, exposure to media and other sexual behavior such as pornography. \u00a0Couples may have differing ideas. Without discussion, you can\u2019t know these details.<\/p>\n

Certain sexual behaviors are not mentioned in the Bible, but the Song of Solomon is a beautiful biblical book that provides a picture of intimacy between a man and woman. In fact, when Alexa and Hudson read Song of Solomon out loud to each other, their inhibitions lowered, and they began to discuss their sexual relationship. The passages opened the door for frank conversations regarding needs and desires.<\/p>\n

With just a few changes\u2014changing routines, bringing novelty to the relationship, talking through preferences about sex and intimacy, and reading a sensual Bible passage together, Alexa and Hudson went from boring to interesting again. Perhaps it is time for your marital relationship to do the same.<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Alexa and Hudson haven\u2019t had sex in over a month. And neither is talking about it. Alexa and Hudson are like many couples who suffer in silence, never bringing up the issue of boredom or inattention to their sexual lives. When Alexa and Hudson began to talk, they knew what to do to fix things.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[913],"tags":[7445,128,7448,7451,264,1247,2537],"class_list":["post-22049","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-couple-relationships","tag-coupe-sexual-relationships","tag-couples","tag-marital-sex","tag-marriage-and-sex","tag-sex","tag-sexual-relationships","tag-sexual-satisfaction"],"yoast_head":"\nNo Sex? Time to Talk it Out<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Alexa and Hudson haven\u2019t had sex in over a month. When Alexa and Hudson began to talk, they knew what they had to do to fix things.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"No Sex? Time to Talk it Out\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Alexa and Hudson haven\u2019t had sex in over a month. When Alexa and Hudson began to talk, they knew what they had to do to fix things.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-11-09T13:00:12+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-11-05T13:22:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/11\/ai-generated-8202786_1280.png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"No Sex? Time to Talk it Out","description":"Alexa and Hudson haven\u2019t had sex in over a month. When Alexa and Hudson began to talk, they knew what they had to do to fix things.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"No Sex? Time to Talk it Out","og_description":"Alexa and Hudson haven\u2019t had sex in over a month. When Alexa and Hudson began to talk, they knew what they had to do to fix things.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2023-11-09T13:00:12+00:00","article_modified_time":"2023-11-05T13:22:02+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/11\/ai-generated-8202786_1280.png"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049","name":"No Sex? Time to Talk it Out","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/11\/ai-generated-8202786_1280.png","datePublished":"2023-11-09T13:00:12+00:00","dateModified":"2023-11-05T13:22:02+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"description":"Alexa and Hudson haven\u2019t had sex in over a month. When Alexa and Hudson began to talk, they knew what they had to do to fix things.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/11\/ai-generated-8202786_1280.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/11\/ai-generated-8202786_1280.png"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=22049#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"No Sex? Time to Talk it Out"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice & Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22049","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22049"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22049\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22097,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22049\/revisions\/22097"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22049"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22049"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22049"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}