{"id":21258,"date":"2023-06-06T09:00:20","date_gmt":"2023-06-06T13:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258"},"modified":"2023-06-03T13:56:18","modified_gmt":"2023-06-03T17:56:18","slug":"from-lonely-to-connected","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/2023\/06\/from-lonely-to-connected.html","title":{"rendered":"From Lonely to Connected"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Have you ever been surrounded by people, but still felt lonely? It\u2019s not a good feeling and, interestingly, not always easy to identify. Loneliness develops when you experience a gap between the connections you want or desire and the connections you have. In other words, you realize you lack meaningful relationships in your life.<\/p>\n

This is significant because loneliness is at the root of so many problems. It can show up as social withdrawal, anger, irritability, substance abuse, driving violence and even lead to different types of illness. And the consequences include a higher risk of death, health issues, lower quality sleep, and more impulsive behavior.<\/p>\n

The fact is we are designed to flourish by connecting with others. We aren\u2019t meant to be alone and isolated. Our brain is wired for relationships. When we deeply connect to others, we listen better and give them the benefit of the doubt. The power of human connection is so strong, it can heal trauma and wounds. So, we need to build community and keep people at the center of our life.<\/p>\n

Dr. Vivek Murthy, the 19th surgeon general of the United States, in his book, Together<\/a><\/em>, considers loneliness to be a public health concern at the root of all types of problems like anxiety and depression. He outlines three dimensions of loneliness. He believes we need all three of these relationship dimensions to feel socially connected:<\/p>\n

1) Lonely for an intimate other<\/strong>–wanting a person with whom we can be ourselves and intimately know we are loved.<\/p>\n

2) Lonely for friendships<\/strong>–wanting relational or social friendships.<\/p>\n

3) Lonely for a purpose and calling<\/strong> network<\/strong> –wanting what he calls \u201ccollective purpose\u201d relationships in which we network with those who share our purpose.<\/p>\n

The key to developing these three dimensions is to first be grounded in a strong sense of self. Don\u2019t be afraid of solitude but use it to strengthen yourself both spiritually and psychologically. Then be willing to approach others to connect. This is the only way you can forge new relationships that may have promise. When you do interact with others, notice how you feel. Ask, do I feel good being around this person and why<\/em>? Is this someone who could meet my connection needs<\/em>?<\/p>\n

In our busy world and schedule, we must make time to build relationships. Do this by putting yourself out there and being intentional about meeting people. Every day, devote 15 minutes to meeting or interacting with other people, especially those you love. Another good way to build relationships is to engage in acts of service. Not only will you be helping others, but you’ll meet people in the process. So, involving yourself in church ministry, community action, hobbies and interests are great ways to build meaningful connections. As you interact with others, move beyond surface talk; really get to know people. In the long run, your efforts will prove to be satisfying and bring a rich dimension to your life. Like the tag line of my podcast says, we are better together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Have you ever been surrounded by people, but still felt lonely? It\u2019s not a good feeling and, interestingly, not always easy to identify. Loneliness develops when you experience a gap between the connections you want or desire and the connections you have. In other words, you realize you lack meaningful relationships in your life. This…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[917],"tags":[7128,1025,1024,7125,688,2664,7131,3542],"class_list":["post-21258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-friend-relationships","tag-better-together","tag-friends","tag-friendships","tag-intimate-partners","tag-loneliness","tag-lonely","tag-need-for-intimacy","tag-purpose"],"yoast_head":"\nFrom Lonely to Connected<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Have you ever been surrounded by people, but still felt lonely? It\u2019s not a good feeling and not always easy to identify.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"From Lonely to Connected\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Have you ever been surrounded by people, but still felt lonely? It\u2019s not a good feeling and not always easy to identify.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Doing Life Together\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-06-06T13:00:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-06-03T17:56:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/06\/girl-6059889_1280-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda Mintle\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@drlindamintle\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"From Lonely to Connected","description":"Have you ever been surrounded by people, but still felt lonely? It\u2019s not a good feeling and not always easy to identify.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"From Lonely to Connected","og_description":"Have you ever been surrounded by people, but still felt lonely? It\u2019s not a good feeling and not always easy to identify.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258","og_site_name":"Doing Life Together","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","article_published_time":"2023-06-06T13:00:20+00:00","article_modified_time":"2023-06-03T17:56:18+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/06\/girl-6059889_1280-scaled.jpg"}],"author":"Linda Mintle","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@drlindamintle","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258","name":"From Lonely to Connected","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/06\/girl-6059889_1280-scaled.jpg","datePublished":"2023-06-06T13:00:20+00:00","dateModified":"2023-06-03T17:56:18+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142"},"description":"Have you ever been surrounded by people, but still felt lonely? It\u2019s not a good feeling and not always easy to identify.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/06\/girl-6059889_1280-scaled.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/258\/2023\/06\/girl-6059889_1280-scaled.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?p=21258#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"From Lonely to Connected"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/","name":"Doing Life Together","description":"Relationship Doctor, Mental Health, Emotional Wellness, Relationship Advice & Entertainment","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/#\/schema\/person\/1e16a9c7332cfcc5b5d89e4ba3a36142","name":"Linda Mintle","description":"It is rare that a trained academic who speaks passionately to the heart of people providing real answers to real life problems is so relatable. Dr. Linda\u2019s fun personality and expertise comes through whether she\u2019s helping her audience stress less or make peace with their thighs! Dr. Linda has her Ph.D. in Urban Health and Clinical Psychology and is a national expert on mental health. She has specialized in the treatment of eating disorders, anxiety, depression and pain management. With 30 years of clinical experience working with couples, families and individuals, she brings her common-sense approach to people who want to live in positive mental health. Dr. Linda is also a bestselling author with 21 book titles to her credit, a radio host of the Dr. Linda Mintle show, professor, national speaker, winner of the Mom\u2019s Choice Award, a national news consultant, featured writer for Beliefnet and hosts her own website. Her academic appointments keep her abreast of current research in her areas of expertise. Her media experience includes seven years as the resident expert for ABC Family\u2019s Living the Life television show and regular appearances on network television and radio. It is often said that being with Dr. Linda is like having coffee with a friend. She makes the complicated issues of relationships and mental health easy to understand and applicable to everyday living. The ease she has with people, coupled with her clinical training and experience makes her a sought-after speaker on college campuses, conferences and special events. Whether she is doing a TV skit with Tim Conway or discussing teen violence with Queen Latifa, Dr. Linda will entertain, educate and integrate faith and mental health in everyday living. Check out her latest book Hope and Healing for Anxiety, a whole-person approach to eliminate anxiety. .","sameAs":["https:\/\/drlindamintle.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/drlindamintle\/","https:\/\/x.com\/drlindamintle"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/author\/lmintle"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21258","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21258"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21258\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21294,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21258\/revisions\/21294"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21258"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21258"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/doinglifetogether\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21258"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}